(A woman comes up to my counter in the clothing store I work in. She has a very distressed look on her face.)

Me: “How can I help you this morning?”

Customer: “What is this red sticker on the tag of this dress?”

Me: “That is a clearance sticker. That dress is 40% off.”

Customer: “But I was here yesterday and it wasn’t on clearance! I’ve been eying that dress for weeks!”

Me: “Well, today is your lucky day; it went on clearance this morning.”

Customer: “I can’t buy it on clearance. Can you take that red sticker off the tag?”

Me: “Are you going to buy this dress?”

Customer: “I’m going to buy it once you take off that red tag. I don’t want to pay the clearance price.”

Me: “Even if I remove the sticker the register will still ring it up at clearance price.”

Customer: “Do I look like I’m the type to buy a dress on clearance?” *holds the dress up dramatically*

Me: “Are you planning on buying this dress?”

Customer: “Are you planning on taking off that red sticker?”

Me: “Not until you pay for it.”

Customer: “You don’t understand my world.”

(She left the dress on the counter and walked out of the store.)

Me: *on the phone* “Thank you for calling [Store]. This is [My Name]. How may I help you?”

Caller: “Where are you located?”

Me: “We’re on [Road], in the [Shopping Center].”

Caller: “Oh… I’m in Alpharetta. How far away is that?”

Me: “Uh… a long way. There are probably several of our other stores closer to you.”

Caller: “No, it has to be your store. How far away?”

Me: “Probably about a 45-minute drive. Maybe longer if there’s traffic.”

Caller: “How do I get there?”

Me: “Well, you’d have to take 400 down to 285, and–”

Caller: “Wait, wait, that’s not gonna be useful to me. Where’s the nearest river crossing?”

Me: “…river crossing?”

Caller: “Yeah. I’m taking a boat.”

Me: “…you’re taking a boat from Alpharetta?”

Caller: “Yes. You’re intentionally being difficult.”

Me: “The nearest river crossing is about ten miles from here.”

Caller: “Oh… can you come pick me up from there?”

Me: “No.”

Caller: “Fine. I’ll go to another store!”

(I work at a call center that handles many types of cell phone issues, including the bills.)

Me: “Thank you for calling, my name is [My Name] and I’ll be assisting you today. Is this call in regards to wireless number [number]?”

Caller: “Why y’all done sent me a bill for two thousand minutes?! I don’t even own a cell phone!”

Me: “Um… well, does the bill have your name on it, ma’am?”

Caller: “Of course it does! Right here…” *paper rustling*

Caller: “Oh, lawdy! I done opened my neighbor’s mail!”

This story is part of the Totally Unobservant Customers roundup!

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(A customer stomps into my store and starts yelling at me.)

Customer: “I had an allergic reaction to a Vanilla Ice Blended from the store in [Other Location] and the manager there said I could have whatever I wanted here for free.”

Me: “I’m sorry to hear about that. Do you have a receipt?”

Customer: “I had to drive out to [Hospital] last night and I was there until four in the morning! The people at [Other Location] said I could have anything I wanted! I had an allergic reaction!”

Me: “Well, then… what would you like?”

Customer: “I want two Vanilla Ice Blendeds…”

Customer: *holds up sweatshirt* “Oh, my god, they spelled this wrong!”

Me: “What?”

Customer: “Los Angeles!”

Me: “Um, that’s how you spell it.”

Customer: “Nooooo. It says LOS Angeles, but it’s supposed to be LAS Angeles. It’s pronounced LAS Angeles. Am I right?”

Customer’s Friends: “Yeah, totally!”

Customer: “And, actually, shouldn’t it be LAS AngeLAS? Because that’s how you say it, LAS AngeLAS!”

Me: “…”

Customer: “I can’t believe no one has ever noticed this before!”

Me: “Yeah, it’s shocking…”