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Depth Perception Strikes Again

, | Right | November 16, 2007

Customer: “So you’re sure you don’t have any small hot dogs?”

Employee: “Yes.”

Customer: *points to hot dog grill further down the counter* “Well, what about those ones over there then?”

Employee: “No, they’re just further away.”


This story is part of our Extra-Stupid-Customers roundup!

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Honesty Is Always The Best Policy

, , | Right | November 15, 2007

Customer #1: “Ah… okay. Thanks for your help.”

Me: “That’s what I’m here for.”

Customer #2: “I need help…”

Me: “…and that is how it’s done.”

Customer #2: “That was simple. You made me feel dumb.”

Me: “That’s what I’m here… I mean…” (I didn’t know what to say from there)

For The Money I Pay, It Should Drive Itself

, , | Right | November 15, 2007

Customer: “Hi, I have a Mercedes. How do I adjust my rearview mirror?”

Me: *not sure if she is serious* “Well, you must manually adjust your rearview mirror.”

Customer: “What do you mean?”

Me: “Umm… take your hand and move the mirror so you can see.”


This story is part of our bad driver roundup!

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Delusional Hearingitis

, , | Right | November 14, 2007

(We close at 7:00 pm every Sunday. A couple is still shopping in my department at 7:13 pm and we already had a call from security to tell them to get out)

Me: “Ma’am, just to let you know we’re already closed. If you need to buy something please bring it to the counter now.”

Customer: “Closed? What time do you guys close? It’s only 7:13!”

Me: “We closed at 7:00.”

Customer: “Honey, hurry up. They’re about to close. Who’s ever heard of a store that closes at 7:13 pm. That’s just so weird!”

Me: “Ma’am, we closed 13 minutes ago; we’ve been closing at 7:00 for at least the past six years I’ve been here, and there’s nothing weird about that.”

Customer: “Well, I just thought that it would make more sense if you guys closed on an hour. Or at least least have an announcement if you guys are closing at some queer hour.”

Me: “Ma’am, there were four announcements, loud and clear, before we closed.”

Customer: “But why would you close a store at 7:13? That’s just queer. Are you sure the store is even closed?”

Me: “Again, ma’am, we closed 13 minutes ago at 7:00, and yes I’m sure the store is closed. Why would I be lying?”

Customer: “I don’t know. *her boyfriend comes out of the fitting room* “Honey, c’mon, let’s buy this stuff and get out of here. Can you believe they close the store at 7:20? Isn’t that just so weird?”

Me: “SEVEN! We CLOSED at SEVEN o’clock!”

Someone Needs To Get Out More

, , , , | Right | November 14, 2007

Me: “Emergency veterinary clinic, how can I help you?”

Caller: *worried female voice* “My dog has a red thing on him.”

Me: “Is it actively bleeding?”

Caller: “No.”

Me: “Where is it located?”

Caller: “On his tummy.”

Me: “Can you describe it to me? How large is it? Does it look more like a cut, a rash, or an abrasion?”

Caller: “It looks like a little stick of lipstick.”

Me: “That’s his penis.”

Caller: *hangs up*


This story is part of our Take Your Dog To The Vet roundup!

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