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In The Name Of All That Is Cheesy

, , , | Right | November 17, 2008

Me: “Thank you for calling [Pizza Place], would you like the special?”

Caller: “No thanks, I’d just like a large Quattro Cheese pizza.”

Me: “Sure, no problem.”

Caller: “And… no feta on one side.”

Me: “Okay, no feta on one side.”

Caller: “I mean it! NO feta on the one side! GOD HELP YOU IF THERE IS FETA!”

Me: “Okay, no feta on one side!”

Normal Time Vs. Customer Time

, , , | Right | November 17, 2008

Me: “Hello, sir, can I help?”

Customer: “I want the twenty-piece bargain bucket.”

Me: “Well, there will be a five-minute wait. We have only just opened and don’t have that quantity cooked yet.”

Customer: “Fine.”

(He pays and takes a seat. About three minutes later, he approaches the counter again.)

Customer: “Where the f*** is my food?! I have been waiting half an hour!”

Me: “Sorry, sir. We have only been open five minutes; there is no way you have been waiting thirty minutes.”

Heaven Sent Deliveries, Moses Speaking

, , , , | Right | November 17, 2008

Caller: “My furniture is scheduled for delivery today and I have a big problem: it’s going to snow!”

Me: “Okay, we can reschedule you for–”

Caller: “No, I need it delivered today!”

Me: “What would you like me to do?”

Caller: “I want you to make it not snow!”

Me: “… Excuse me?”

Caller: “I want you to make it not snow during my delivery!”

Me: “Ma’am, I can’t control the weather.”

Caller: “WHY NOT?!”


This story is part of the More-Customers-Versus-Mother-Nature roundup!

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Our Great Dumbocracy

, , | Right | November 17, 2008

(A woman in medical scrubs with a name badge enters the store and approaches the counter.)

Customer: “Helllooo! How are YOU tonight?”

Me: “I’m doing well. How are you?”

Customer: “Oh, just fine. Are you voting in this year’s election?”

Me: “Yes, I am.”

Customer: “Have you considered John McCain?”

Me: “Well, no, not really.”

Customer: “No? Who are you voting for, OBAMA?”

Me: “…”

Customer: “OBAMA! HA HA HA!”

(She continues to laugh maniacally, inserting “OBAMA” between laughs. After a little while, she comes to the register with a few rentals.)

Customer: “Hellooo! How are you tonight?”

Me: “Still doing well… did you find what you were looking for?”

Customer: “Have you thought at all about this year’s election?”

Me: “…”

Customer: “What?”

Me: “We just had this conversation.”

Customer: “Oh. Who are you voting for? I’m voting for Obama. I just want our troops to come home.”

Me: “You just laughed at me for not wanting to vote for McCain!”

Customer: *confused look* “Really? I’m so tired when I get out of work!”

Drunk Dialin’

, , , | Right | November 12, 2008

Me: “Thank you for calling [Phone Company]. How may I help you?”

Customer: *slurring* “Yeeeaah, you f***ers owe me a 40 of Jack Daniels!”

Me: “Pardon me?”

Customer: “I SAID YOU OWE ME A 40 OF JACK!”

Me: “Why is that, sir?”

Customer: “Well, youse is the phone company, right? Youse guys make the phones ring, right?”

Me: “Umm…”

Customer: “My phone f***ing rang and I knocked my bottle over tryin’ to get it.”

Me: “Oh, right.” *laughs*

Customer: “YOU THINK I’M JOKIN’?! Get me a manager!”

Me: “Sir, we’re not responsible for you knocking over your liquor.”

Customer: “Yes, you f***in’ are! I want a credit on my bill!”

Me: *click*


This story is part of the Customers-Are-To-Blame roundup!

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