Male To Female Adapter

, , , , , | Right | March 2, 2010

Me: “Hi, what can I do for you?”

Customer: “Um… I need some…” *whispers* “…tampons?”

Me: “Excuse me?”

Customer: “Some tampons, please.”

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, I think you have the wrong store.”

Customer: “No, I don’t. My husband told me to come here and get them!”

Me: “Ma’am, I’m sorry. We don’t sell those here.”

Customer: “But you have to. He said he got some here last week.”

(I realize she probably means tapcons, which are masonry screws.)

Me: “Do you mean tapcons?”

Customer: “Yeah, that could be it. I don’t know why he told me to get tampons. That doesn’t make any sense.”


This story is part of our Tongue-Tied Customers roundup!

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Baby Name Decisions Should Not Be Left To Linger(ie)

, , , | Right | March 1, 2010

(A woman exits the dressing room with lingerie.)

Me: “So, what did you think?”

Customer: “I loved them, I’m taking them all. It’s my anniversary. My husband is going to love these.”

Me: “Good!”

Customer: “I’m gonna make a baby tonight!”

Me: *speechless*

Customer: “What’s you’re name, sweetie? I’ll name it after you!”

Me: “Um, can I ring those up for you?”

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Brings New Meaning To Hot Food

, , , | Right | March 1, 2010

(My stall gives away free home-made fire starters made of small wood chips and wax. We have many signs stating this.)

Customer: “Hi. How much are these?”

Me: “Free, ma’am. Just giving them away to anyone who wants one.”

Customer: “Oh, okay!”

(She takes a big bite out of it.)

Customer: “These are disgusting! How could you give away such gross snacks?”

Me: “These aren’t actually snacks. They’re fire starters.”

Customer: “Not snacks? Then why do they have a sugar glaze on them, smart guy?”

Me: “That’s not a glaze, ma’am. It’s wax. It helps keep the fire starter going.”

Customer: “Not a snack?”

Me: “No.”

Customer: “Then why is the glaze brown? Brown means chocolate!”

Me: “Brown is just the color of the candle we melted.”

Customer: “Not a snack?”

(At this point I called over a colleague to set up a demonstration burning in the fire-pit. The woman watches amazed.)

Customer: “They start fires and they’re snacks! Holy s***!”

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Jurassic Lark

, , , , , , | Right | March 1, 2010

Customer: “Excuse me, but are all of these things real?”

Me: “Sorry, are you talking about the artifacts on my cart? Some of these are replicas, because the real things are too breakable to touch.”

Customer: “No, I mean the exhibit.” *points to the dinosaur exhibit*

Me: “Dinosaurs did exist millions of years ago beginning in the Triassic Period, but about 65 million years ago the dinosaurs went extinct.”

Customer: “Are you sure? I thought the museum was making it up to attract visitors.”

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The Wisdom To Know The Difference

, , , , , , , | Right | March 1, 2010

(I’m with my wife at a well known fast food place, and they employ a young man with special needs who we both know and are very friendly with. An angry customer accosts him at the register.)

Customer: “S***, they’re taking so f***ing long with my food!”

Employee: “Just a sec, sir…”

Customer: “You’d better!”

(Not three minutes later, the employee comes with the customer’s food.)

Employee: “Here you go, sir.”

Customer: “Where’s the f****** ranch?”

Employee: “Right away, sir!”

Customer: “No, forget it! You’ll probably slobber all over it!”

Wife: “Excuse me, sir, but this young man is doing his job. He’s not doing anything to hurt you, so how about you shut the f*** up!”

Customer: “F*** you, fat a**!”

Employee: “She’s a nice lady! There’s a baby inside her, and she’s not fat!”

Customer: “F*** you!” *storms out, upsetting some chairs*

Wife: *to the employee* “People are so mean to you, honey. I’m so sorry, I can’t believe he said that to you, that a**hole!”

Employee: *grinning* “Don’t worry about it, Jesus and my mama still love me!” *walks away, the happiest man on earth*

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