My school has a cafeteria with high ceilings and windows with ledges about 30 feet up the wall. My classmates have been adamantly practicing the bottle flipping that has been going around the Internet, but as the class clown I know I can’t be outdone by some freshman with a sports drink bottle.

The cafeteria sells special juice bottles that I decide will be perfect for my stunt. I buy one, empty it to about right for bottle flipping, and stand near a wall. Keep in mind I haven’t told anyone what I’m going to do, but soon a couple people see me and the entire cafeteria quickly silences.

I can see the administrator giving me the stink eye, but I don’t let that stop me. I toss the bottle up and by some stroke of luck it lands perfectly on the ledge and the whole room fills with cheers.

I got detention for a lunchroom violation, but each day another food item appeared on the ledge. First there was applesauce, then a box of milk, another water bottle, and finally a sandwich, before the school finally posted an SRO near the ledge to watch for people like me.

(It’s my first time riding a horse, and I’m more excited than nervous. The instructor makes me fill out a sheet.)

Instructor: *glancing at my sheet* “So, this is your first time?”

Me: “Absolutely! You take beginners?”

Instructor: “We take beginners.”

Me: “Great!”

(We go into the paddock and she helps me get on to a horse. It’s bigger than I thought, and I’m very nervous. The horse looks nervous, too. It keeps glancing sideways at me as though unsure.)

Instructor: “Well, there you go! Pull on the reins to steer. Dig your heels to stop.”

(At this point, she moves away to help someone else.)

Me: “But…? Uh…”

(I do my best, but the horse takes off, heading straight for the low wall as if trying to jump it. I pull and dig my heels, but it does not stop. I scream, and some people look over. They leap in front of the horse to stop it.)

Instructor: “What’re you doing?! You were about to go through that wall!”

Me: “I told you, I’ve never, ever ridden! I tried with this horse, but it didn’t listen!”

Instructor: *rolls eyes and sighs* “That’s the tamest horse we have. Fine, you’d better get down, then.”

(I’m more than happy to, but when I try to throw my leg over, it somehow gets stuck.)

Instructor: *impatiently* “You HAVE to get off. What goes up must come down. So. Get. Down!”

(I managed it after a few more tries. I handed over the reins and helmet and then walked away to my car and sped out of there! I’ll never be back. Later, I heard on the news that a lady got thrown off of one of her “tame” horses and broke her leg.)

This story is part of our Horse roundup!

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(I am volunteering at a horse rescue. On the day of the open house fundraiser, I am stationed in front of a few stables to talk about the individual horses and make sure guests aren’t behaving too aggressively with the animals.)

Me: “This is DJ. He’s 15 years old and was rescued from an abandoned farm when he was just a foal. He’s been livi—”

Guest #1: *interrupting* “What? He was a different animal when you found him?”

Me: “No, ma’am, a foal is a baby horse.”

Guest #1: “Do you think I’m stupid? I know a baby horse is a pony. A foal sure ain’t a pony.”

Me: “Well, actually, ponies are just a small breed of horse; the actual name of a baby horse is a foal.”

(The guest looks down at her daughter and tells her, very clearly, that I don’t know what I’m talking about.)

Child: “My mommy says you’re stupid.”

Me: “I’m very sorry she feels that way.” *addressing the crowd as a whole again* “Anyway, DJ was brought here as a foal—”

Guest #2: *interrupting* “Wait, didn’t we just determine that foals aren’t real?”

Me: “Again, foals are very real. Ponies are as well. Ponies are a breed of horse; foals are baby horses. A baby pony is a foal.”

Guest #1: “Gee, I don’t know what this place is paying you, but they should save their money for someone who actually knows what they’re talking about.”

Me: “Ma’am, I’m a volunteer.”

Guest #1: “Oh, so that’s why you don’t know. You’re just here for the cake.”

([Guest #1] and her daughter walk away, leaving me slightly dumbfounded. About 20 minutes later, my barn manager walks over to me.)

Manager: “I received a complaint you were spreading false information.”

Me: “Oh, yes, I was unaware that foals don’t exist and ponies are actually just baby horses.”

Manager: “There’s a reason you’re the volunteer and she’s not. You can take your break now. Go and get yourself a slice of cake.”

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(I’m working as a cashier at a gas station when a woman pulls up, hops out of her car, and runs inside. She is obviously in a hurry. I ring her up and she leaves only to turn around and come back in.)

Customer: “Where is my car?”

Me: “I don’t know. Where did you leave it?”

Customer: “Right there.”

(She points out the window to the spot just outside the door where she had exited her vehicle just a few minutes before. I walk over, poke my head outside, and look around the lot.)

Me: “Is that it?”

(I pointed to the far end of the lot where her vehicle had smashed into a secondary building that housed the automated car wash. Apparently, she was in such a hurry to buy her energy drink or whatever that she neglected to turn off the car. She also neglected to put the vehicle into park when she exited. The car wash was fine.)

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(I work for a well-known tax company. We are about to have a huge blizzard overnight into the next day. A state of emergency has been called and several businesses, including ours, are closed for the day. We’re about to leave for the night when the phone rings.)

Me: “Hello, thank you for calling [Office]. This is [My Name] speaking. How can I help you?”

Client: “Hey, my work gave us the day off tomorrow because of the storm. I’d like to come in and have my taxes done.”

Me: “…”

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