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A Number 666 With A Side Of Brimstone

, , , , , | Right | May 20, 2009

(After serving them their fast food, a woman with a family of six runs up to the counter, furious.)

Customer: “You! You stacked our food wrong! Now my kids are crying!”

Me: “Pardon?”

Customer: “Come look!”

(She brings me down to their table, where their three pre-teens are crying their eyes out and her husband looks incredibly frustrated.)

Customer: “Look!”

Me: “Ma’am, I don’t see anything wrong with your food–”

Customer: “[Child #1] is supposed to eat first, but his food is on the bottom! We won’t be able to get it without moving the other things!”

Me: “I don’t think I understand.”

Customer: “He’s the first person on the left! He has to eat first, or Satan will claim his soul!”

Me: “Uh…”

(I decide to ask counter-clockwise around the table what everyone ordered, and hand them their food out off the pile.)

Customer:, “Oh, thank you! You will serve as a warrior of God someday!”

Me: “…right.”

(That family still shows up once a month or so, and suffice to say, I always run out to see what order they’re sitting in before I serve their food.)

Like A Robber In A Donut Shop

, , , , , | Right | May 20, 2009

(This is early December, when most of the companies have their big night out. A visibly drunk patron needs to be asked to leave due to inebriation.)

Me: “I’m sorry, sir, but I think you’ve had enough for tonight, and I think it’s best if you call it a night.”

Customer: “What? I’m not druuunk! You’re ouuut of yoooour mind!”

(I guide the drunk customer to the door, which he immediately grabs a hold of to resist being led out of the bar.)

Customer: “I’m not leaving! You’re going to have to call the cops to get me out of here!”

Me: “Well, sir, if you take a look over at the table with the people looking very intently at us… that’s the police department’s Christmas party.”

Customer: *leaves, rather expediently*


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Always Right, Especially When It’s Mom

, , , , | Right | May 20, 2009

Coworker: “Guys! There’s a car pulled in backward in the drive-thru. They’re backward!”

Backward Customer: “Hi, I just want a fish sandwich and a chocolate milkshake.”

Coworker: “I’m sorry. We don’t have those items. Is there something else I can get you?”

Backward Customer: “No, I just want a fish sandwich and a chocolate milkshake!”

Coworker: “Ma’am, do you realize you’re at [Mexican Fast Food Restaurant]? Would you like a taco?”

Backward Customer: “Okay, okay, we’re kidding! [My Name], this is your mom and [Aunt]!”

(Family are the worst customers!)


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Sure, But It’ll Make You Yelp

, , | Right | May 19, 2009

Me: “Tech support, how may I help you?”

Caller: “I have to pay this fee and I need to get to y’all’s website.”

Me: “Sure, our address is [website URL].”

Caller: “I don’t want your address. I want to know where to go on my computer.”

Me: “Sir, that’s the address of our site. All you need to do is type it in your browser’s address bar.”

Caller: “Oh, so do I stick that in my Google?”

The Logic Is Weak In This One, Part 2

, , , | Right | May 19, 2009

(I’m ringing up a fairly high-end video card for a customer.)

Me: “That’ll be $211.98 please…”

Customer: “But the display showed it as $49.99.”

Me: “Are you sure it was this card? This is a fairly new card.”

Customer: “Yes, I picked it up, and it says the price is $49.99 below it.”

Me: “Can you show me?”

(We walk over to the video cards, and he shows me where he picked it up from. The shelf is marked $49.99, and it is the same manufacturer. However, it is a lower-end card than the one he is holding.)

Customer: “See, $49.99!”

Me: “Sir, that price is not for that video card. You’re holding this one…”

(I point to another shelf with the video card he picked up; it’s priced at $199.99.)

Customer: “Well, it was on this shelf, so it was advertised at this price and you have to sell it to me for that.”

Me: “I’m sorry for the confusion, sir, but sometimes customers pick things up and then don’t return them to their proper location.”

Customer: “That’s not my fault! It was on this shelf, so you should sell it to me for $49.99.”

Me: “Sir, how do I know it wasn’t you who put it on that shelf? Or for that matter, that it was on that shelf at all?”

Customer: “…”

Me: “So, do you want the $49.99 one instead?”

Customer: *defeated* “Yeah…”