Right Working Romantic Related Learning Friendly Healthy Legal Inspirational Unfiltered

Signs It’s Time To Leave The Nest

, , | Right | May 21, 2009

(A woman walked up to my coworker in a panic.)

Woman: “Have you seen my son? Did someone take my son?!”

Coworker: “I’m not sure. How old is he?”

Woman: *still panicked* “Twenty!”

If Nincompoop, Then Infinite Loop, Part 2

, , | Right | May 21, 2009

Customer: “I need to fill up my truck.”

Me: “Alright, how much gas would you like?”

Customer: “Enough to fill up my truck.”

Me: “Sir, I need to know how much gas you’d like to buy.”

Customer: “Why is this so hard? You tell me how much gas I need, and I give you the money!”

Me: “Each vehicle’s different, sir. How am I supposed to know how much it’ll take to fill up your particular vehicle?”

Customer: “Look at your book!”

Me: “…my book?”

Customer: “Yes, the book! Look up my truck and tell me how much gas to get!”

(My assistant manager comes over to see what all the fuss is about.)

Assistant Manager: “How about you give us $20 for the gas? If you need more, you can come back, and if it’s too much, we’ll refund you.”

Customer: “Aw, forget it. I’ll just circle around the pumps.”

(…which is what he did for several minutes before driving off.)

Tip Of The Day: How To Apply For A Federal Bailout

, , , | Right | May 21, 2009

Me: “Alright, sir, you’re all set. Anything else I can do for you today?”

Bank Customer: *jokingly* “Yeah, you can deposit a million dollars into my account.”

Me: “Sir, if I had a dollar for every time someone said that, I’d have a million dollars.”

Bank Customer: *hangs up laughing*

Desktop Hunters And Gatherers

, , , | Right | May 21, 2009

(A customer is at our electronics store looking at the Macs.)

Customer: “Is this that Windows Vi-ah-ster?”

Me: “You mean Windows Vista? No, these are Macs, sir.”

Customer: “Right, Windows Vista, exactly.”

Me: “Are you going to buy one?”

Customer: “Yeah, got anything that’s under $200?”

Me: “Not in the Apple section, and I really wouldn’t advise you get a $200 Vista rig anyway. It will run slowly.”

(He goes over, finds a low-end rig, and gets it anyway. He’s back a day later.)

Customer: “Ya, it’s not workin’.”

Me: “I told you, why didn’t you listen?”

Customer: “Oh, I saw two comp-ooh-ters at that price, and the other one looked better.”

Me: “Looked better… how?”

Customer: “The paint was shinier.”

Two Wrongs Don’t Make A Right

, , , | Healthy | May 20, 2009

CONTENT WARNING: This story contains content of a medical nature. It is not intended as medical advice.

(I work in healthcare and am talking to a man in his fifties who is having angina for the first time.)

Me: “You haven’t had a heart attack, but this pain is probably coming from your heart.”

Man: “But I’m only fifty-something, and there are no heart problems in my family. Why would that be?”

Me: “You smoke thirty cigarettes a day and drink two cartons of beer per week. That’s not good for your heart. You should think about cutting down.”

Man: “I’m sick of you people telling me that bulls***! It’s a scientifically proven fact that smoking makes your arteries smaller, and drinking makes them bigger! If I keep drinking and smoking, I’ll be fine!”

Me: “That’s not at all how it works, but I see I’m not going to change your mind. You’ll be going upstairs soon.”

Man: “I want to go out for a smoke!”

Me: “That’s really not a good idea.”

Man: “What would you know?!”

Me: *gives up*