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This Hold Time Is A Joke

, , , , | Working | August 25, 2017

(On behalf of the company I work for, I call an office furniture company.)

Me: “Hello, this is [My Name] from [Company]. Can you quote me some prices on drafting tables?”

Receptionist: “One moment while I transfer you to that department…”

On Hold Message: “You have been put on hold. Being on hold is a lot like trout fishing, in that it allows you to do absolutely nothing with a clear conscience. Enjoy!”

(Followed by soft jazz…)

You Are No Longer Welcome

, , , , | Right | August 25, 2017

Customer: “Thank you for helping me.”

Me: “Oh, no problem at all. Your total is $[total].”

Customer: “Really, thank you.”

Me: “You’re welcome. Have a nice day.”

Customer: “Thanks again.”

Me: “Really… it’s no problem.”

Customer: “Well, thank you anyway.”

Me: *smiles and nods because there’s only so many times I can say “you’re welcome”*

Customer: *turning to their granddaughter* “I said thank you, and she said nothing. Wasn’t that rude?”

Doing A Real Job On Your Boss  

, , , | Working | August 25, 2017

(The department I work for has a set Monday through Friday routine but the hours are decided at the last minute. I absolutely love the company and am a temp when the following occurs. Mind you, it is exceptionally difficult to get hired into this company and they go through at least a dozen temps a week.)

Me: *walking up to the boss* “Um, so I finished [Job One] and it’s all ready to be sent out. What did you want me to do next? I know [Job Two] really needs to be done so you want me to get on that or…?”

Boss: *picking up his personal belongings* “You do whatever the f*** you feel like. I’m done with this s*** today.”

Me: *shocked* “Um… what? Really?”

Boss: “Yep! I’m f***in’ done! Bye!”

(And with that he walks off leaving me standing there with my mouth agape. Unsure of what to do or if he’s kidding or not, I grab Job Two, pull it to a secluded station, put my headphones in, and set to work. No one bothers me the entire day and at the end I feel as if I accomplished a lot. I go home and return the following morning to find the boss in a foul mood and muttering fiercely to himself. At one point I hear him mutter something about “and gotta get all the s*** for Job Two done,” at which point I interrupt him.)

Me: *cheerfully* “Oh, hey, there isn’t much left to do with [Job Two]. I got most of it done yesterday! Didn’t put any in cartons because I wasn’t sure where they were kept but—”

Boss: *interrupting me* “Bull-s***! Do you know how much needs to be done on that job?!” *viciously* “There is no way you got that much done in one f***in’ day!”

(He starts yanking apart the carts where the work was being kept only to become incensed when he discovers ALL of it has been moved.)

Boss: *rounding on me with a look of pure fury* “WHERE IS IT?! WHAT DID YOU DO WITH IT?!”

(I am rather terrified at this point but start backing up towards the secluded station.)

Me: *nervously* “I, uh… wasn’t sure what to do yesterday and, uh, I know this job was a pretty big priority so I–” *reaching the carts I’d used the day before I start pulling them apart so he has a direct view of their contents* “–just wrapped almost all of them yesterday. It wasn’t that hard and I only have about fifty or so left.”

Boss: *still furious* “You did this? You?!”

Me: *even more nervously* “Um, yeah. I… didn’t, um, know what else to do so… yeah.”

Boss: *suddenly looking directly at me* “You came in at seven yesterday. I know you did! What time did you leave?”

Me: *feeling like I’m about to be fired* “Um, well, the schedule has been a little crazy lately… I came in at seven and we’ve been leaving at five all week, so I thought that would be a safe time to get off. And, uh, lunch has been a bit erratic too but… the day before yesterday I got to have an hour which was kinda nice so… I took an hour yesterday. And breaks have been pretty much the same, so I took both of them. And, um, yeah. Wasn’t too sure what else I was supposed to do.”

(The boss looks at me for a long moment then suddenly whirls around and practically sprints up to his desk where my coworker has collected all of our times for the previous day. The boss demands to see mine then quickly demands to know who else worked on the job with me to which my coworkers responds that no one else has recorded time for that job. My boss stares intently at my times then takes off for another part of the building. It is unclear whether or not I am supposed to follow him so I simply stand there and wait. A few moments later he returns pulling a pallet full of Job Three. He gives me a look that clearly means I am to follow him so I do. He wordlessly drags the product to the secluded station, throws the instructions onto the pallet, then storms off. At this point I don’t think I’m being fired so I’ve calmed down quite a bit. I pick up the instructions and quickly realize that Job Two and Job Three are nearly identical in their instructions. I take my time to ensure I have all my materials before starting. I can also tell the boss is intently watching me at first but I pointedly ignore him, return to my station, and quickly find my rhythm for the job. Half an hour into our shift, Coworker #1 shows up late, as usual. Two hours into my shift my boss comes storming back into my area, furious again.)

Boss: *yelling* “Just f***ing forget it! I need you to do–”

(He stops short and looks in open astonishment between the pallet of unfinished work and the pallet of finished work.)

Boss: *pointing at the unfinished pallet in shock* “Is that all you have left?!”

Me: *calmy* “Unless there’s more I don’t know about, yes. I have three more cartons to go out of the twenty needed and it is due today. Should take me about half an hour or so to finish it all up. Why? Did you need something?”

Boss: *looking flabbergasted* “You’re almost done! How?!”

(I really don’t know how to respond to this because I am not working at break-neck speed. I am working at a comfortable pace for me while still occasionally taking time to go to the bathroom and, on one occasion, walking to the break-room to grab a treat which is, from what I’ve observed, actions that others do without being punished or reprimanded. So I just look at him with my best clueless expression and shrug. In response he quickly grabs several of the completed cartons and starts cutting them open. Inside are the carefully wrapped packages and he rifles through several boxes looking more and more amazed. I am not too perturbed at his actions because he is not damaging or mixing up the product and it will only take a second to tape the carton up again. After several cartons of this he turns and looks at me with a shocked expression.)

Boss: “You did it! But how?! It takes [Coworker #1] three days to do this exact same work!” *looks again at the open boxes then back at me* “I can’t believe you did it! Uh, just finish up here and… come see me when you’re done so I can show you how to do [Job Four].”

(From then on my boss pretty much left me alone. He’d give me work then just let me complete it at my own speed and I was the only temp allowed to work overtime all by myself which was a little exciting. Of course, it didn’t take long for me to get hired!)

You Just ‘F’d Yourself

, , , , , | Learning | August 25, 2017

I’m put in a partnered presentation with a guy that I, unfortunately, know very well. I am dreading the experience, as he has always had it out for me, for reasons unknown. He tries to stir up arguments a few times, but we both manage to focus on the assignment.

The night before, I review the project just before going to bed. All seems fine and dandy — I give myself a pat on the back for a job well done before going to sleep.

The next day, we get to our class and end up presenting second. His first few slides are great, I have to admit. He may annoy the h*** out of me, but he is smart. But when I get to my slides, after I read the text, some… interesting images show up.

Screen-caps of XXX… adult filmography slide onto the screen, accompanied with a soundtrack of moans and groans. My face turns bright red. What’s worse, the teacher is known for being very strict and very prude. He begins shouting at me for the images, no matter how much I insist it isn’t my fault.

Luckily, my friend is much more familiar with the program, so she directs it to a page that shows the edits of the presentation and when. Sure enough, the guy added the images and sound effects early this morning.

I ended up getting an A, and he got an F and an in-school detention. Justice is served!

It’s All In The Delivery

, , , , | Working | August 25, 2017

(I work in the Grocery department and my coworker works in the Produce department.)

Me: “Hey, if anything for Grocery comes in and you sign for it will you let someone in Grocery know about it?”

Coworker: “Yeah, sure. Why?”

Me: “Because… sometimes… when we get a delivery… we need it…”