Devil In Disguise

, , , , , | Right | April 29, 2010

Me: “Hello, and welcome to [Restaurant]. I’m [My Name], and I’ll be your server today.”

Customer: *glares at my necklace, which happens to be pentagon-shaped* “No! You worship the devil! Get me a Christian to serve me!”

Me: “I don’t worship the devil. Actually, I–”

Customer: “I won’t hear your witchy talk devil girl!” *sticks her fingers in her ears while her husband just gives me a smile*

Me: “I’ll just go and see what I can do for you.”

(I go to my manager and tell her what’s going on.)

Manager: *to me* “Oh, for Pete’s sake. Here, just put my necklace on.”

(The necklace is a cross. I go back to the table.)

Me: “Hello, and welcome to [Restaurant]. I’m [My Name], and I’ll be your server today.”

Customer: “Oh, thank the Lord. You should have seen the evil girl who was just here, with her black hair and wicked eyes!”

(She never noticed I was the same girl. Her husband never said a word, just had a weary look on his face. By the way, my hair is red.)


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Ask Her To Close All Windows Next

, , , | Right | April 28, 2010

Me: “Can you get online?”

Customer: “How do you do that?”

Me: “Do you see Internet Explorer?”

Customer: “Where do I see that?”

Me: “It should be on your desktop.”

Customer: *rustling papers* “I don’t see it on my desk anywhere. Are you sure it is here?”

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Of Breath Smoke And Breast Strokes

, , , , , | Right | April 28, 2010

(A customer with children in tow tries to book a smoking room, but we are sold out.)

Customer’s Kids: “We want to go swimming!”

Customer: “They don’t have any smoking rooms, and I gotta smoke. We have to go somewhere else.”

Customer’s Kids: “Can’t you just go outside and smoke?”

Customer: “It’s snowing outside! Oh, you’d like it if I had to go out in the cold and snow just so you could go swimming, wouldn’t you?”

Me: “I can call the motel next door for you and see if they have any smoking rooms available.”

Customer’s Kids: “But they have an indoor pool here! We want to go in the pool!”

Customer: “That’s all you do, isn’t it? All you do is think about yourself! I gotta smoke!”


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A Not So Bitter End

, , , , | Right | April 28, 2010

Customer: “Are you in charge of the salad bar?”

Me: “Of course. I make sure all the food is fresh. Was something wrong?”

Customer: “Your dressings are too sweet!”

Me: “We buy our dressings pre-packaged, but it is possible that something went wrong somewhere along the way. Which one was it?”

Customer: “The dressing!”

Me: “They are all too sweet?”

Customer: “Were you born simple? The dressing is sweet!”

Me: “Is it red, orange, white, or brown?”

Customer: “The brown one is too sweet!”

Me: “That’s the balsamic vinaigrette. It shouldn’t be sweet at all, but I will pull it and put out a new container of dressing for you.”

Customer: “Thank you! Was that so difficult?”

(I begin to pull the only brown dressing we have and she stops me.)

Customer: “My God, you are such an idiot! You’re pulling the wrong d*** dressing!”

Me: “You said the brown dressing, right? I am pulling the brown dressing like you asked.”

Customer: “Not that dressing, you idiot, this brown dressing. You are so stupid!” *points*

Me: “You mean the chocolate pudding?”

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There Must Be Something In The Water

, , , , , | Right | April 28, 2010

(I’ve just asked a customer if they would like a new carafe of water.)

Customer: “What’s a ‘carafe’?”

Me: “In layman’s terms, its basically a water pitcher.”

Customer: “What’s ‘layman’s terms’?”

Me: “It’s like… dumbing down.”

Customer: “What’s ‘dumbing down’?”


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