(One of the librarians I work with is close to retirement age, and it’s no secret she despises technology and doesn’t even make an effort to help patrons with any questions that are even remotely technical. This means when I work the reference desk with her, I’m running around like a chicken with my head cut off, trying to help everyone at the public computers while she sits at the desk staring off into space. It’s not unusual for me to come back to the desk and find a line of people waiting for me to help them, as she’s told them, “I can’t help you, but [My Name] can when she gets back.” I come back to the desk after helping someone print a document and she tells me there’s a phone call that needs help.)

Coworker: “It’s a [downloadable eBook service] question, so I put them on hold.”

Me: *resigned* “All right.” *I answer the phone* “Thank you for holding. This is [My Name]; how may I help you?”

Patron: “Hello! Thanks! I just had a quick question. How many books can I check out from [downloadable eBook service] at one time?”

Me: “You may check out five titles at a time.”

Patron: “Great, thanks!”

Me: *thinking there must be more, as even my Luddite coworker could have answered that one* “Did you need help downloading titles to your device?”

Patron: “Oh, no, I just wanted to know how many I could borrow at once. Thanks, bye!”

Me: “You’re welcome. Goodbye.”

(I hang up the phone and look at my coworker, trying not to get frustrated.)

Me: “[Coworker], you could have answered that. It wasn’t anything technical; she just wanted to know how many books she could borrow at once.”

Coworker: *defensive* “Well, I didn’t know! She just said she had a question about [downloadable eBook service], so I put her on hold.”

Me: “You could have at least asked what her question was! She was on hold for over five minutes for a question you could have easily answered in thirty seconds!”

Coworker: “Whatever. I don’t understand all that stupid technology stuff.”

Me: *sighing*

(Yes, I have complained to our boss, and no, nothing has changed. Occasionally she’ll make a half-hearted attempt to help someone with the printer, only to come back to the desk and get me because it’s “too confusing.”)

(I’m at work and the store is about to close in fifteen minutes. I have this couple come to my till a few minutes before closing.)

Me: “Hi! All ready to check out?”

(I start scanning items.)

Wife: “Uh… Wait, my husband’s cart got stolen.”

Me: “Okay.”

(I start checking out the other customers. The wife returns with her husband and his cart with over A THOUSAND ITEMS.)

Me: “…” *begins checking them out*

Couple: *argues over which frame to buy*

(I was the only cashier on the floor along with my supervisor. They left fifty minutes AFTER the store had ALREADY closed.)

(This is just after the first Twilight movie has come out on DVD. A good friend of my husband’s and mine has just gotten married.)

Friend: “Oh, so, [Friend’s Wife] is kind of obsessed with Twilight lately.”

Me: “…”

Friend: “Not like that! She loves making fun of it. She read all the books because she loves laughing at terrible books, and she really wants you guys to come over and watch the movie with us.”

My Husband: “I’m not sure I want to watch that.”

Friend: “C’mon, it’ll be fun! We’ll just make fun of it. You can come over at eight, and [Friend’s Wife] promised to have the baby fed and in bed by then, so it’s just adults like old times!”

(My husband and I agree; since the baby, we never get to see our old friend. The day rolls around, and we get to our friend’s house. Lights are off, and nobody answers the doorbell. We try calling his cell phone to no answer.)

Me: “I hope everything’s okay…”

My Husband: “Let’s wait until we can at least get him on the phone to make sure they’re okay.”

(Twenty minutes later, [Friend] and [Friend’s Wife] pull up in their car and pile out, laughing, holding a crying and very awake baby.)

Friend’s Wife: “Oh, hi guys! We were out to dinner with some friends, and I told them we were going to watch Twilight tonight, and we were having so much fun mocking the books we didn’t want to leave!”

Me: “Oh, okay. So the little one is probably ready for bed, then?”

Friend’s Wife: “Oh, no, she hasn’t had dinner or her bath, yet. We didn’t have time.”

(We all troop into the house and wait another half-hour at the kitchen table. Finally, [Friend] comes and ushers us into the living room with the movie and puts it in. Soon, [Friend’s Wife] follows… holding the crying baby.)

Friend’s Wife: “I still haven’t fed her yet, and then she’s off to bed!”

(Our friend’s wife then sits down in the only chair in the room… besides the one that [Friend] is sitting in. My husband and I sit on a strange bench that they have in the back of the room, since the floor looks pretty icky.)

Friend’s Wife: “Should we tell them that’s where we change the baby’s diaper?” *laughs as we jump up* “Yeah, the floor is always dirty so we can’t change her down there.”

(Not sure what to do now, we slowly sit on the floor. [Friend] and his wife in their recliners are directly in front of the television, at just enough of an angle so that we can’t look at the screen without watching [Friend’s Wife] breastfeeding — topless — a baby who does NOT want her dinner. When the movie is finally over, [Friend’s Wife] sees us to the door, baby in hand, with this parting gem:)

Friend’s Wife: “You guys were awfully quiet tonight! I just don’t understand people who are uncomfortable around babies. You need to get over it.”

(We still don’t see them much.)

(I’m the assistant manager in a discount clothing and housewares store in Colorado. We get trucks every day except Sunday. We have a girl in our stock team who only works once a month, as she has a full-time desk job. She is very lazy, unprofessional, and sometimes downright insubordinate. She also tries to sit down or lean as much as she can, and she cusses quite often. I get called to the stock room on this morning.)

Stock Lead: “[Coworker] says she needs to leave at noon today.”

(This coworker has been scheduled from 8:45 am to 1:00 pm.)

Me: “[Coworker], you’re scheduled until 1:00 pm. We need you to fulfill your shift.”

Coworker: “No one told me that I had to be here until one. [Store Manager] only told me the time to come in.”

Me: “It is not our job to tell you what time you work. It is your responsibility to know when you need to come in and when you need to leave.”

Coworker: “Well, I have my other job to go to at 12:30.”

Me: *not wanting to argue* “Okay, just this once, you can leave early. But please do be more careful and considerate of your schedule next time.”

(She rolls her eyes and says nothing. An hour later, I ask her to cover a break in the fitting room, to which she agrees. Towards the end of said break, she calls me back there.)

Coworker: “My mom is here, and she wants me to go to lunch with her and my sister.”

Me: “Okay?”

Coworker: “Can I go?”

Me: “I’m sorry, but you have to work more than five hours in order to get a thirty-minute lunch break. You’re only working three hours and fifteen minutes today, so all you would get is a fifteen-minute break.”

Coworker: “You have to work five hours to get thirty minutes off? That’s a bunch of bulls***.”

(Keep in mind, we are standing in the fitting room and there are plenty of customers around, although no one reacts.)

Me: “[Coworker], please watch your language on the sales floor.”

Coworker: “Why do I have to work five hours?”

Me: “It’s Colorado law. You must work at least five hours before you can get a lunch break.”

Coworker: “Well… What if I went to lunch and come back right after?”

Me: “I thought you had to leave at noon to go to your other job?”

Coworker: “But I would come back.”

(This goes on for a few rounds. I don’t understand what she means when she says she’ll come back right after lunch, considering earlier she made a big deal about leaving to go to her other job. Finally, we come to a conclusion.)

Coworker: “F*** it! Just f****** forget it!”

(She clocked out at 12:45 and told me it would be her last day working. I told her I wished her well in life, and that she needed to contact the store manager. A month or so later, I was making the schedule with my manager and noticed this employee was still on the roster. I reminded my manager that she quit, and she called the employee just to be safe. The coworker said that I had fired her on that day, and she was just waiting for a call from the store manager so she could get her final paycheck.)

(The store I work in is a bulk foods grocery store. We have two types of clientele: general retail and wholesale — customers who order freight deliveries from our warehouse.The customer I’m dealing with fits into the latter category.)

Me: “Good morning, ma’am! Finding everything you need today?”

Customer: “No… I forgot to order a delivery this week and I’m almost out of a lot of supplies, so here I am.”

Me: “Let’s a take a look at your list and we’ll see what we can come up with, okay?”

(We spend the next half-hour or so going through her shopping list and, as is expected, most of the items she normally orders out of the warehouse are not carried by the store, so I help her find comparable items. The customer is becoming increasingly frazzled as we go on, but is maintaining her composure. Finally, we reach the end of the list.)

Me: “All right, ma’am, looks like you’re all set. Anything else I can do for you?”

Customer: *obviously holding back anger* “No, but I guess this will have to do, won’t it?!”

(I apologize profusely and again offer some assistance, as I’m expecting her to start screaming at any moment.)

Me: “Again, I’m terribly sorry, ma’am.”

Customer: *takes a breath* “Don’t be. It’s my own d*** fault. This is what I get for not putting in an order in time. I knew I had to do it this weekend, and I put it off. Oh well.”

Me: *slightly taken aback* “Oh, uh… Well, hopefully it all works out in the end for you. Have a great day!”

(I head back to the stock room to finish my morning tasks. My shock must be obvious because my coworker gives me a concerned look.)

Coworker: “[My Name], are you okay?”

Me: “No. I think I’m in The Twilight Zone.”

Coworker: “What just happened?”

(I relay the story to my coworker who looks just as shocked as I feel.)

Coworker: “There’s no way that happened.”

Me: “A customer actually owning up to their own mistakes. Hell, I wouldn’t believe if I hadn’t just seen it.”