(While going to school full-time to get my Master’s degree in English and add secondary English certification to my teaching degree, I work as a waitress in a slightly upscale chain restaurant. I’m waiting on a family with several children, aged about 8 to 20. The oldest son’s girlfriend is also with them, and the relationship is still in the new, dewy-eyed stage. I’ve just finished taking their drink orders.)

Son: “We’d also like to order [appetizer]. Her and me would like to share it.”

Son’s Girlfriend: *in a very loving voice* “It’s, ‘her and I,’ honey.”

Me: *automatically, without thinking* “Actually, it’s, ‘she and I.’”

(Mortified as the whole table looks at me, I turn bright red, hurry away to get their drinks, and have visions of them complaining to a manager about me. By the time I get all of the drinks ready, the appetizer is also done, so I take everything to the table, trying to be as unobtrusive as possible. As I set the appetizer down, the son looks at me and grins.)

Son: “Thanks. ‘She and I’ appreciate it.”

(The whole table erupted in laughter, and joked with me the whole rest of the evening. They even asked me to explain why “she and I” was right, and I gave them all a lesson on the easy way to remember when to use which pronoun. And I got a big tip, but whether it was for the service or the English lesson, I don’t know.)

(A customer enters lobby and walks up to the counter.)

Me: “How can I help you?”

Customer: “My shower is broken.”

Me: “Broken how, exactly?”

Customer: “The water comes out either too hot or too cold!”

Me: “Okay, you can’t just turn the shower on high and expect it to be perfect.”

Customer: “I am a daily user of a shower; are you calling me stupid?!”

Me: “No, sir.”

(Well, I thought it.)

Customer: “Can you switch my room, then?!”

Me: “No, sir, we are sold out for the night.”

Customer: “Well, if you’re so smart, come prove me wrong, then!”

(We walk to the guy’s room and go into the bathroom.)

Me: *turns shower on max hot, puts hand in after a minute* “This feels okay; I would actually turn it up if I could.”

Customer: *puts hand in* “That is way too hot!”

Me: “Okay.” *turns it down to half* “Is that okay?”

Customer: “No, that’s still too hot!”

Me: *turns it to half cold — about 40°F, I’d say* “Is that okay now?“

Customer: “No, now it’s too cold.”

Me: “Okay.” *steps back* “Try to adjust it to your liking, and I’ll see what you mean.”

Customer: *fiddles with the knob* “This is okay here.”

(At this point, the water is barely coming out past the tub spout, maybe 60°F.)

Me: “Sir, that’s cold water. Most people shower with water that has steam coming off of it.”

Customer: “It’s not up to you to say how I shower.”

Me: “I’m not saying it is; all I am saying is I can’t turn down my water heater just so you personally can have a cold shower.”

Customer: “And there aren’t any more rooms you could get me?”

Me: “No, we are booked solid, and you have used everything in the room; I can’t give you another room.”

Customer: “THEN GET OUT OF MY ROOM! I AM GOING TO GIVE YOUR HOTEL A BAD REVIEW! I AM NEVER STAYING HERE, EVER AGAIN!”

Me: “That’s just fine. We can read and reply to any review you leave on the site. Good luck.”

(I’m one of the few female patrons of my local comic shop, and while the staff is awesome, the other patrons can be less so. I’ve just paid for my comics when the guy ahead of me pipes up.)

Customer: “Arrow? That’s not a real comic book. You need someone to tell you about real comics.”

Me: “Who’s Zatanna?”

Customer: “Who?”

Me: “Zatanna Zatara. Who is she?”

Customer: “I don’t know—”

Me: “She’s a magician, an extremely powerful logomancer, arguably the most powerful person in the DCU, and my favorite comic character. Sadly, she’s only ever appeared in an episode of Batman TAS and a couple of minor spots in Justice League, so only serious comic geeks know about her. And you didn’t buy anything but Marvel tie-ins.”

(I work in a store that has cell phones on display. The cell phones are connected to wires to prevent people from taking them. On top of that, most of the phones on display are fake and have no use. I’m working today when a particularly suspicious teenager walks in the store.)

Me: “Hello there. How may I help you?”

Teenager: “Oh, I’m fine. Just browsing.”

Me: “Okay, let me know if there is anything I can do for you.”

(For a little while, he just walks around, and then finally stops by a phone. He messes around with the phone and then pulls on it, thinking that no one will notice him. The wire stops him from pulling it away, but for some reason, he doesn’t realize this and keeps pulling.)

Me: “Um, excuse me, but what are you trying to do?”

Teenager: *while still pulling on the fake phone* “Oh, nothing, don’t mind me.”

Me: “You can let go of the phone now. It’s fake, anyway, and it’s attached to a wire so you can’t pull it away.”

Teenager: *looks down and realizes his mistakes* “Ha, um, yeah, I knew that. That’s why I was tugging on it, ‘cause I knew it was fake, ya know?”

(He left extremely embarrassed.)

(I’m working the evening shift at a hotel with the owner one evening when a young couple, who checked in earlier, approaches the desk.)

Young Man: “Would it be possible to get a slice of cheesecake and some matches for a candle? We’re celebrating her birthday today.”

Me: “Sure thing, and happy birthday to you.”

(I prepare the cheesecake and grab some matches, and they then go to their room. About five minutes later, they come back with his arm wrapped in a shirt.)

Young Woman: “We need directions to the nearest hospital. He has burned his arm. There is also a little bit of smoke in the room, currently.”

(The owner gives them directions to the local hospital and sends me up to check on everything. When I get to the floor, I see some smoke in the hallway. Then, I open the door to find the room is barely visible due to there being so much smoke in the room. I go get the owner as the fire alarm starts to go off. Everyone evacuates the building and the fire department shows up as we are trying to clear all the smoke out.)

Me: “All this from one candle? What did they do, drop the cake?”

Owner: “Actually, it turns out the ‘candles’ they were using were actually sparklers. Not a good idea in a small room.”

(We found out later he had to be taken to a burn hospital and treated for third-degree burns.)