(I work at a store where the policy is to ID everyone regardless of if they look old enough or not. I especially adhere to this policy if I don’t recognize the customer. A lady I don’t know enters the store and, without a word, goes to the pull-tab lottery machine and starts putting in money.)

Me: *approaching with a smile* “Excuse me, ma’am. Could I see your ID, please?”

Lady: *rudely* “I’m 51 years old.”

Me: “I understand that. Store policy is that I need to see ID.”

Lady: “It’s out in the car.”

Me: “Okay, well, can you get it for me, please?”

Lady: *suddenly rude and annoyed* “Seriously? That’s r*****ed.” *goes out to get ID from car*

Coworker: *who is not on duty, and is annoyed* “She’s just doing her job!”

Me: *to coworker* “I don’t know her; do you?”

Coworker: “No, I don’t.”

(The lady comes back in and shoves her ID in my face, barely letting me see that she is, indeed, 51 years old.)

Lady: *rudely* “That is a stupid policy! In [Town we’re in], everyone knows everyone!”

Coworker: “To be honest, I don’t recognize you, either.”

Coworker’s Dad: “I also don’t know you, and I’ve lived here a long time.”

Lady: *grabs her pull-tabs* “Well, you’ve just lost a customer today!”

Coworker: *under her breath* “Good riddance.”

(I work at a public library and this is what I have to put up with. It happens a lot more often than you’d think. I don’t expect young children to understand how a library works, but you’d think a pre-teen would have some knowledge of library procedures.)

13-Year-Old Patron: “Are the books free?”

Me: “Well, you have to check them out with your library card. If they’re late or you lose them, then you’ll have a fine. But otherwise, they are free to borrow.”

13-Year-Old Patron: *looks extremely confused* “So… I can have it?”

Me: “The book belongs to the library, but you may check it out and return it on the due date.”

(He put the books back and walked out without saying anything. These are our future leaders, people.)

(We are having a sale in which almost everything in the store is 50% off. With the sale, our registers are not accepting coupons of any kind. We have already explained the situation dozens of times today, but many customers have become irate because they can’t use their coupons. The manager has gotten tired of explaining.)

Manager: “Okay, I have some signs to display to let people know that we can’t accept coupons.”

(The manager puts signs everywhere, including on the counter right behind the register. A customer approaches the register.)

Customer #1: “So, I have this coupon; can I use it?”

Me: “No, with the sale we have right now, we are unable to accept any coupons.”

(She pays and leaves.)

Me: “Hey, [Manager], your signs aren’t working.”

Manager: *taping a sign right on the register at customers’ eye level* “Now there’s no way they’ll miss it!”

(Immediately, another customer approaches.)

Customer #2: “So, can I use this coupon?”

Me: *screams internally*

(Overheard between a pediatrician and a seven-year-old patient:)

Pediatrician: “Look, [Child], you learned more about [disease] on your own; that’s a good thing! It’s very smart to learn all about your health. And, you found out online that we always tell the CDC when someone has [disease]. I think it’s very good when people learn about how we keep track of disease. But from now on, calling the CDC is my job, not yours.”

(We’ve taken on quite a bit of seasonal backroom help for the holidays. I’m the store manager, and security calls me one day to let me know they’ve caught one of the temporary employees removing a huge amount of merchandise through the back and loading it into their personal vehicle. They’ve taken the employee to the security room and have called the police, who should be arriving shortly. I arrive to find the employee completely at ease, laughing, as though they aren’t in trouble.)

Employee: “Hey, boss! Can you believe this fuss?”

Me: “I have your termination papers here. We prefer to handle this prior to police.”

Employee: “Whoa, termination? What?”

Me: “You stole from the store; you’re being fired.”

Employee: “Whoa, hey…”

(I ignore the employee, turning to the police officers who have arrived and getting the lengthy list of items the employee stole that security has typed up. The officer’s eyebrows shoot up.)

Officer: “Okay, this is definitely a felony charge here.”

Employee: *eavesdropping* “Whoa, wait, what? Felony. This is impossible.”

Officer: “We’ll need to get some more info from…”

Employee: “Hey! I can’t be fired! I can’t be arrested! It’s impossible to steal from your job.”

Me: “Uh, no.”

Employee: “No, it’s… See, I just sell it somewhere else. It’s the same as the store! I wouldn’t have taken stuff if I knew I’d be arrested and fired.”

Officer: *sighing* “Let’s read you your rights there, Einstein.”