(I work at a well-known video game store. We just got in an exclusive figure from my favorite TV show, and a customer and his friend come in looking for it.)

Customer: “I’m looking for [figure]; do you have any?”

Me: “We have them right here!” *points to the only three we have in stock* “They are so cool! And they are exclusives. I want one but can’t afford to be spending money on figures right now.”

(His friend puts one on hold to pick up later and he turns to my coworker.)

Customer: “Isn’t there a buy-two-get-one-50%-off thing going on for these right now?”

Coworker: “Yes, there is; did you want to pick something else up?”

Customer: “Yeah, I think I will take both of them—” *the remaining two figures* “—and this.” *he finds a different character and adds it to the group*

Me: “Well, there you go. Now I won’t have the temptation!”

(At this point, I have handed over the conversation and transaction to my coworker while I work on other things. I take notice of him again just as he is finishing his transaction. He pulls one of the figures out of his bag and hands it out in my direction.)

Customer: “Oh, by the way, this is for you!”

Me: “Really?!”

Customer: “Yup!”

Me: *jumping around with excitement* “Thank you so much!”

(I spent the next five minutes geeking out and dancing with excitement. He ended up forgetting something and coming back in, and I thanked him two more times. Best customer ever; he made my year.)

(I’m working the service desk counter.)

Customer: “Hi, I have a question.”

Me: “All right, what’s that?”

Customer: “Well, I was on self-checkout, and I noticed the machine printed this coupon for the shampoo and conditioner I had just bought. I was wondering if I could have used it.”

Me: “Oh, those coupons are for your next transaction.”

Customer: “What do you mean?”

Me: “Well, the machine prints off coupons based on your shopping history, or what you’re currently going to buy.”

Customer: “So, if I would have noticed it earlier, I could have used it?”

Me: “Well, we can’t stop you, but we’d hope you wouldn’t, since those are meant for your next transaction, not your current one.”

Customer: “But, it printed the coupon during my order!”

Me: “Yeah, but, it’s for your next transaction.”

(She stormed off after that. Maybe this is why we shouldn’t have a self-scan. Too many “self” scammers.)

(I’m working the service desk.)

Customer: “Hi. I bought these [expensive coffee pods by an expensive brand of coffee stores], and I don’t think they put the right product in them. The older box I have has different pods than the new ones, even though they are the same flavor!”

Me: *compares the older package’s dates to the newer ones* “Okay, looks like the older box is dated for August 2016, and the newer ones are dated for October 2016. So, I’m guessing they updated the design on the pods.”

Customer: “But! The newer ones say, ‘Not for individual sale.’ The older ones say something completely different!”

Me: *inspecting them again* “The older ones say, ‘Not for retail sale,’ and yeah, the newer ones say that. But they mean the same thing: just that you can’t sell them individually, is all.”

Customer: “But, why didn’t they change the box, then?!”

Me: “I’m not sure. I guess they just decided to update the look on the pods.”

Customer: “Well, that doesn’t make any sense.”

Me: “I guess they just decided to make it a more simple design for whatever reason. I mean, the newer boxes have an expiration date in October, and your older box is for August, so I’m quite certain it was just a design update.”

Customer: “Well, I don’t believe you, but I guess I’ll find out.”

(I work in a hotel. It is during the United States government shutdown. A guest comes in with a prepaid reservation.)

Me: “If I could see your ID and a card in case of incidentals, I can get you checked right in.”

Guest: “What form of ID? Can I use my work ID?”

Me: “It needs to be a government-issued, photo ID, sir.”

Guest: “But the government is shut down!”

(He is grinning like a five-year-old and his wife is rolling her eyes. I can also see his license in his hand.)

Me: “Only federal, sir, and since your driver’s license is state-issued, I’ll just use the one in your hand.”

(He fake pouts, and his wife rolls her eyes so hard I think she might hurt herself.)

Wife: “He’s been doing this at every hotel for the past five nights!”

Me: “Thank you for calling [Major Cell Phone Company]. My name is [My Name]. How can I help you?”

Customer: “I’m in the Bahamas and my phone doesn’t work! My son says I need to talk to your global department.”

Me: “Oh, no! That’s not cool; your phone isn’t working on your vacation! The great news is that between you and me, we can get this figured out without a transfer! I just need to ask some quick verification questions.”

(We go through the verification and I see the phone he has is CDMA only, and the Bahamas is GSM only.)

Me: “Well, sir, I’m sorry to say your phone isn’t going to work for calls and text. It runs on a different network than what is offered in the Bahamas.”

Customer: *getting angry* “Why doesn’t anyone tell you this kind of thing?!”

Me: “When you got the phone 13 months ago, did you expect to be travelling outside the US?”

Customer: “No!”

Me: “Did you call us before you left on your trip? Did you call us to let us know?”

Customer: “No, I didn’t, but none of that’s not my fault!”