Those Who Have Impotence Will Never Lose Their Flower

, , , , , | Right | July 2, 2010

Customer: “Excuse me, do you have impotence?”

Me: “I’m sorry, what?”

Customer: “Impotence? Do you have impotence?”

Me: “No, ma’am. Everything seems to be in working order.”

(The customer walks away and several minutes later I find her out front waving a pack of flowers.)

Customer: *yelling and smiling* “Here it is! I’ve found your impotence!”

(The flowers she had found were impatiens.)


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Must Be A Missed Steak

, , | Right | July 2, 2010

Customer: “Oh, you have new pastries! They look great!”

Me: “Those are our new vegan baked goods. They’re also organic.”

Customer: “Ew! I never eat anything vegan!”

Me: “I doubt that. A lot of stuff is vegan. French fries are vegan.”

Customer: *looking mortified* “There’s no meat in French fries?!”

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Decayed, Decades, Same Difference

, , , , | Right | July 1, 2010

Customer: “Hi, I’d like to return this pot, please.”

(The pot in question is in a box with our store logo on it, but the box looks older than me.)

Me: “Okay. Do you have a receipt?”

Customer: “Yes.”

(The customer hands me a wrinkled, yellow receipt from the eighties.)

Me: “Ma’am, why do want to return this pot?”

Customer: “The lid gets too hot.”

Me: “So, you have used it, then?”

Customer: “Of course! I use it all the time. But the lid gets too hot, so I want to return it.”

Me: “Well, our return policy is limited to sixty days. You bought this twenty-three years ago.”

Customer: “But I have a receipt!”

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There’s A Sucker Infected Every Minute

, , , , , | Right | June 30, 2010

(A customer is wondering why her anti-virus is asking her to purchase the program.)

Me: “What is the name of your anti-virus?”

Customer: “It is [Well-Known Fake Anti-Virus Program].”

Me: “Ma’am, that is a fake anti-virus. Do not purchase that program because it will not protect your computer.”

Customer: “No! Why do you want me to disable my anti-virus? I will not get rid of it! It’s keeping my computer safe! I already purchased it three times and it still wants me to pay again! All I want to know is how to stop it from asking me to pay!”

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A Hot Slice Of Obvious

, , , | Right | June 30, 2010

Me: “Thank you for calling [Pizza Place]. How can I help you?”

Customer: “Hi, can I have a half pepperoni, half sausage?”

Me: “Okay, will that be all?”

Customer: “Could you make sure that both halves are on the same pizza?”


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