Fully Armed And Operational Feminine Wiles

, , , | Right | May 7, 2008

(A very attractive woman gets out of a Mercedes. She is wearing a mini skirt and halter top. Her outfit leaves nothing to the imagination.)

Attractive Customer: “I need 20 on 3.”

Me: “Okay.” *I ring her up and she pays*

Attractive Customer: “So is someone else working or do you pump the gas?”

Me: “This is a self-service station; we don’t pump the gas for you.”

Attractive Customer: “Well, there is no way I am pumping the gas myself.”

Me: “I’m sorry, but I can’t pump the gas for you.”

Attractive Customer: “This is no way to get a tip! I am the customer and I want you to pump the gas for me.”

Me: “I’m sorry, but if I leave the counter I could be fired. As I said this is a self-service station; it means you have to do it yourself.”

Attractive Customer: “FINE!”

(She then walks out to her car and yells…)

Attractive Customer: “Is someone going to pump me or do I have to do it myself?!”

(Every guy at the station started running over to help her.)


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Nonsensical Hypotheticals, Part 2

, , | Right | May 6, 2008

Hotel Guest: “Is there a way to take the phone off the hook so that it doesn’t ring?”

Me: “Well, you could always… take the phone off the hook, so that it doesn’t ring. But, yes, I can put the phone on a do not disturb so that you won’t get any calls.”

Hotel Guest: “I want to take a half-hour nap, so I don’t want the phone to ring. But I want to be able to get calls later.”

Me: “I understand, sir, I’ll be sure not to transfer any calls to your room for the next half hour.”

Hotel Guest: “But what if one of the people in my group wants to reach me?”

Me: “Would you like me to only allow calls from inside the hotel?”

Hotel Guest: “No, I want to take a nap.”

Me: “So, you want me to make sure that you don’t get any calls for the next half hour, but if anyone calls, you want them to be able to reach you?”

Hotel Guest: *confused* “Yes.”

Me: “I understand, sir. I’ll take care of it.”

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Those Who Know Just Enough To Be Dangerous

, , | Right | May 6, 2008

Me: “Hi, sir, how may I help you?”

Customer: “Uhh, yea, I need some CDs.”

Me: “Sure, we’ve got all kinds: CD-R, CD-RW and regular music CDs.”

Customer: “Umm, I just need CDs with lots of RAM.”

Me: “RAM? CDs don’t have RAM, computers do.”

Customer: “Oh…” *turns around and ambles out of the store*

(He then comes back a month later with a MacBook.)

Customer: “Uhh, yeah… I put a Linux on it.”

Me: “That’s wonderful, you made a great choice.”

Customer: “But, like, I can’t use my Apple OSX anymore.”

Me: “Issues with Mac OSX? Okay, well. Let’s take a look.”

(I turn the laptop on, and I see that he has installed Ubuntu, I go into the GRUB loader to basically boot OSX and I find that it is no longer there.)

Me: “Sir, did you reformat your hard drive in order to install Ubuntu?”

Customer: “Uhh, I don’t know, I just followed the directions.”

Me: “I’m sorry, sir, it looks like you reformatted your hard drive, got rid of anything and everything you had on your MacBook and installed Ubuntu.”

Customer: “So, can you fix it?”

Me: “You got rid of everything, including any backups you may have had. I cannot get anything back.”

Customer: “But I can get my files back right? I only formatted my Apple, right?”

Me: “No, nothing can be done. You can either become a Linux user or if you have restore discs you can use those.”

Customer: “Oh, okay. I’ll talk to my brother, he can probably get all my stuff back…”

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And On The 40th Day, The Customers Complained

, , , | Right | May 5, 2008

(It was raining one day and didn’t look like it would be stopping any time soon.)

Guest: “Hi, could you tell me when it’s going to stop raining?”

Me: “Ma’am, I’m not sure.”

Guest: “Well, why not? I came here to enjoy the park, and my family can’t do that when its pouring rain! When will it stop so we know when to come back?”

Me: “Hold on a sec…”

(I pick up the phone.)

Me: “Hi, GOD? Ya, its me, how you doing? Ya, ya… I’m good as you can see. Well you see this woman standing next to me? She’s wondering when you’re gonna stop the rain so she can enjoy the park… Oh, okay. I’ll let her know! Have a magical day!”

(The woman storms off to another cast member and demands to see my manager. I got fired, but it was TOTALLY worth it!)

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Too Bad They Don’t Sell Brains Too

, , | Right | May 4, 2008

(I’m shopping in the dollar store, fully clothed in my Taco Bell uniform. I even have the hat on, too.)

Customer: “Excuse me, sir, do you work here?”

Me: “Does it LOOK like I work here?”

Customer: “Yes?”

Me: “No.”

Customer: “Oh… well, do you know how much this is?”

Me: “It’s a dollar.”

Customer: “How did you know that if you didn’t work here?”

Me: “Lady, do you have ANY idea where you are right now? You are in a dollar store. Do you know what that means?”

Customer: “That’s impossible.”

Me: “…what?”

Customer: “This store doesn’t sell dollars.”

(At this point I didn’t know whether I should slap her or retreat and laugh till I puked.)

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