It’s Going To Be One Of Those Days

, , , , , , | Right | July 7, 2010

Me: “Thank you for calling [Electronics Store]. How can I help you today?”

Customer: “Yeah, I was wanting to buy one of those thingies that records stuff on a tape.”

Me: “Okay, ma’am. What exactly were you looking to use this for?”

Customer: “I want to record myself singing and send it to my grandkids.”

Me: “Well, it sounds like you’d need a voice recorder for that.”

Customer: “Oh, then I just send them the tape?”

Me: “Actually, ma’am, our company discontinued tapes. Almost everything gets recorded onto digital data, like memory cards and such.”

Customer: “What’s a memory card?”

(I provide a lengthy explanation of memory card.)

Customer: “So, then I just mail them the memory card instead of the tape?”

Me: “No, ma’am. You could simply e-mail them the file of the audio clip.”

Customer: “What’s e-mail?”

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That Helpful Attitude Needs To Be Shelved

, , , | Right | July 6, 2010

(I am shelving a couple of books. I have two books in my hands, each going in different sections.)

Customer: *pointing* “Oh, that book goes over here and that book goes over there.”

Me: “But–”

Customer: “The book goes right here.”

Me: “Yes, I–”

Customer: *takes book from me* “The book goes in this spot here.”

Me: “I know.”

Customer: “I’m not trying to tell you how to do your job. I’m just trying to be helpful!”

Me: “Thank you?”

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There Is No Voice Of Reason

, , , , | Right | July 6, 2010

Me: “Hi! Welcome to [Electronics Store]. What brings you in today?”

Customer: “I need an electronic English to Spanish dictionary.”

Me: “Okay, right this way.”

Customer: “Does it talk?”

Me: “No. We don’t sell translators here.”

Customer: “This isn’t a translator?”

Me: “It will translate English words to Spanish words, but it won’t speak them. It will only show you the text.”

Customer: “Well, that’s stupid! If I knew how to speak the d*** language, I wouldn’t need the d*** dictionary!”

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21st Century Courtship

, , , , | Right | July 6, 2010

(I am an eighteen-year-old male. I’m working one of the rides when a younger male comes up to me.)

Teenager: “Hi.”

Me: “Hey.”

Teenager: “Will you hug my little sister?”

Me: “Pardon me?”

Teenager: “It’s a dare, just hug her!”

Me: “No, thank you?”

Teenager: “Why not?”

Me: “I might getting arrested for pedophilia.”

Teenager: “What?”

Me: “Nothing.”

Teenager: “You’re gay aren’t you? I bet you’re gay. That’s why you won’t do it!”

Me: “That’s it, I’m gay. I don’t want to hug your sister because I’m gay.”

Teenager: “Oh. Will you hug me, then?”


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Re-Ink Needs A Rethink

, , , | Right | July 5, 2010

Me: “Good morning, how can I help you out?”

Caller: “I need ink.”

Me: “What type of printer do you have?”

Caller: “Inkjet.”

Me: “I need to know the model. It should be on the front of the printer.”

Caller: “It’s a laptop.”

Me: “That’s the computer. I need to know what kind of printer you have.”

Caller: “What do you mean?”

Me: “The printer should be near the laptop. It is where you insert the paper.”

Caller: “I don’t have that.”

Me: “You need a printer in order to print.”

Caller: “But my computer says it can print. There is even a key for it.”

Me: “All computers have the ability to print if you have a printer connected to them.”

Caller: “Does this mean you don’t have the ink I need?”

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