(It is a fairly slow Saturday. It is the rainy season, and we are out of Snow Bird season. A customer is making two separate purchases; one is for her and one is for her daughter, who looks approximately my age — a young adult. The first transaction goes smooth as butter, and they seem nice enough. The second transaction is all foam, like the kind you would put in a couch or restuff a chair.)

Mother: “And use this coupon on it, as well.”

(She pushes forward a coupon for “50% off one regular-priced fabric.”)

Me: “Oh…”

(I study it a moment, then look at my screen to see if the entire purchase really is just foam. Then I look at her, smiling.)

Me: “I’m sorry, this only works on fabric, and unfortunately foam doesn’t count.”

Mother: “Do it anyway.”

Me: “All right.”

(I scan the coupon, because it doesn’t hurt to try. I hit total. The coupon doesn’t take anything off.)

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am. It doesn’t work on foam.”

Mother: “Yes, but it says one cut of by-the-yard merchandise counts.”

(She points at some teeny tiny text under the big word, “FABRIC.”)

Me: “Yes, ma’am. I understand that, but it’s a fabric coupon.”

Mother: “They always honor this. ALWAYS.”

(I have no idea what else to do, as it would be a huge discount; foam is pricey.)

Me: “Since this is a rather large discount, my manager will have to authorize it.”

Mother: *pleasant* “That’s fine.”

(I call my poor manager to the front and help other customers that got in line. My manager looks at the coupon, looks at the lady, says, “All right,” and lets her explain before making any assumptions.)

Mother: “The coupon won’t take off, but it specifically states that a cut of by-the-yard merchandise counts for this coupon.”

(The manager blinks and tries the totaling again; of course ,the coupon doesn’t work.)

Manager: “I’m sorry, ma’am, but it’s for fabric.”

Mother: “I used to work here. We would always honor this coupon. It specifically states a cut of by-the-yard merchandise works.”

Manager: “Yes. But it’s for fabric. They put that there so customers know it will work on only one cut of fabric.”

(I was left wondering why she thought that was right when the title of the coupon says, “FABRIC,” very clearly on it and she zeroed in on the tiny text.)

Related:
The Couponator 7: The Forgotten Coupon
The Couponator 6: The Coupon Awakens
The Couponator 5: Online Decline

(While sitting in the break room, I hear this conversation taking place surrounding the latest “Avengers” movie.)

Coworker #1: “Man, if I had the Infinity Gauntlet, I’d snap my fingers and have my aisle stocked instantly!”

Coworker #2: “Hold on. You’re telling me you’d use the power to do literally anything you wanted just for that? How short-sighted can you possibly be?!”

Coworker #1: *imitating* “The powers of the universe are at my command!” *snaps fingers* “My aisle is stocked; I’m going home to play video games. Can anybody give me a ride?”

(We have fire exit doors in the electronics department that lead to the garden center. The garden center is fenced in and has several gates to get out. All of them but the one across from the electronics fire doors are used for loading heavy products into customer’s cars. The ones across from electronics are a fire door, as well. All of a sudden, a piercing, screeching alarm rings through my department. It can be heard across the store. I’m the only one there at the moment, since my coworker is on break; she should be back any second.)

Me: *on phone with service desk* “Anyone know what’s going on?”

Service Desk: “Hang on; let me figure it out! Looks like it’s a water pump? They should turn off the alarms soon.”

(I go back to stocking. A few customers scream at me to “turn that thing off!” Only the store manager has access to disable the fire alarms. The store manager comes over to my fire doors and disables them. However, the alarm is still going on. Suddenly, a garden center employee flags us down; the fire gate is open. The managers are trying to handle it, so I go back to my department, and asset protection has me check to see if anything was stolen. Nothing. A garden center cashier approaches me.)

Coworker: “So, it turns out that the customer who I was checking out didn’t want to wait for me to unlock a gate to help him load his mulch and decided to use the fire exit and do it himself.”

(The alarms were finally turned off about 15 minutes after he told me. They got the customer’s license plate and he was on camera.)

(I work at a hotel up in the mountains of Idaho. We get a lot of snow, to the point it still snows during the summer. We have a fifteen-day cancellation policy.)

Me: “Hello. Thank you for calling [Company]. My name is [My Name]. How can I help you?”

Customer: “Yes, I would like to cancel my reservation for next week.”

(I explain the policy, and tell her that we will keep the deposit which is equal to the room rate.)

Customer: “That is the stupidest thing I have ever heard. I would like to talk to a supervisor. I’m canceling because there is snow up there.”

Me: “I’m sorry? You’re canceling because of snow? It is the middle of December.”

Customer: “Get me your supervisor.”

(I put her on hold and explain it to my supervisor.)

Supervisor: “Wait, she wants to cancel because we have snow?”

Me: “Yes. Why was she coming to the mountains in winter in the first place?”

(The customer didn’t end up canceling. Where did she think she was going? She only lived two hours away.)

Me: “Thank you for calling [Car Rental]. This is [My Name]. Where would you like to pick up?”

Customer: “Do you need a driver’s license in order to rent a car?”

Me: “Yes, you need to have a current valid driver’s license.”

Customer: “Are you sure?”

Me: *facepalm*