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Dr. Jekyll And Hearing-Impaired Hyde

, , , | Right | July 17, 2008

(At the hardware store where I work, I see an old lady pushing a cart with a heavy bag of dirt inside it.)

Me: “Here, I can help you with that, ma’am. ”

Old Lady: “This cart is awful! It won’t steer anywhere I want it to!”

Me: “I’m sorry about that; it is kind of heavy. Here, let me get you a new one.”

Old Lady: “NO! I want a new cart so I can go look at flowers!”

Me: “…okay. I’ll get you a new cart for the dirt.”

Old Lady: “You DON’T understand! I want a new cart! Not this one! This one is broken!”

Me: “That’s quite alright, ma’am. I’ll get you a new cart instead of this one.”

Old Lady: “YOU JUST DON’T UNDERSTAND! I WANT TO GO LOOK AT FLOWERS AND I WANT A NEW CART!”

Me: “Okay, I think we have a miscommunication here! You may go look at flowers as much as you want. Then, just come check out when you’re done.”

Old Lady: “I’m just going to go look at flowers, AND I want a new cart.”

(About fifteen minutes after she looks at flowers, she comes down to my register. She’s still pushing the old cart.)

Old Lady: “Well, I guess I’m done shopping for the day. Thank you so much for your help, sweetie!”

Me: “You’re… welcome?”

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Spoken Like A True New Jerseyan

, , | Right | July 17, 2008

(A tall man in his 30’s walks in after I had told him over the intercom three times that we are a prepay station AND he read the sign on the pumps stating that as well.)

Me: “Afternoon! Can I help you?”

Man: “Yeah, I noticed that you don’t have the card sliders on the pumps. Do you know when you’re going to get those?”

Me: “Sir, I’m fairly confident we’re not getting those anytime soon.”

Man: “Oh. Well, in that case, I’m going to get in my car and drive away without buying your gasoline. In fact, I’m never coming back here again!”

(Note that I have never seen this man before and I recognize all my regular customers.)

Me: “Okay, sir.”

Man: “How exactly does that make you feel?!”

Me: “Well sir, to be honest with you, you’re not the first person that has tried to dampen my day. The fact of the matter is, you can’t dampen my day any worse than it already is when I have to show up here. You’re just one more customer I don’t ever have to hear yell at me again.”

Man: “F*** you and your gas pumps! Thank God people aren’t this rude in New Jersey!”


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Biting The Hand That Feeds You

, , , , | Right | July 16, 2008

(Even though I stutter a bit, I never had any trouble helping customers. This customer thought otherwise.)

Me: “C-can I help you sir?”

Customer: *odd look* “Yes, I’d like a pack of cigarettes.”

Me: “Okay, that’s th-three ni-ninety please.”

Customer: “HELP! THIS GIRL CAN’T HELP ME!”

(At this point my colleague enters the shop, standing at the second cash register which is closed.)

Customer: “You! You can help me!”

Colleague: “I’m sorry, this cash register is closed. My colleague will help you.”

Customer: “But she can’t help me!”

(A line begins to form behind the customer.)

Customer: *to me* “So… he says you can help me.”

Me: “No, I can’t help you.”

Customer: “WHY?!”

Me: “I don’t help a**holes.”

Customer: *swears and leaves the store*


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Ah, Fathers, Part 2

, , , , , | Related Right | July 16, 2008

(I’m working in an electronics retail store, and see a man in his late 40s with a kid no older than ten.)

Me: “Welcome, sir, did you get…”

(I look in his cart and see that it’s mostly filled with identical Spongebob DVDs.)

Me: “… everything?”

Man: “I guess so.”

Boy: “MORE SPONGEBOB! SPONGEBOB! SPONGEBOB!”

Man: “All right, let’s go get some more.”

(About five minutes later he comes back, with more Spongebob DVDs… the same ones, to be exact.)

Man: “All right, I think this is enough.”

(I ring him up, and the total comes to about $550.00 USD.)

Me: *whispering* “Uh, sir… these are mostly the same thing.”

Man: “Oh, don’t worry about it. I hate my life anyway.”

Related:
Ah, Fathers


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My Parents Threatened To Do This Monthly

, , | Right | July 16, 2008

(I worked at a sandwich place. The order area had a counter. A man walks in carrying his year-old-child, and sets the child on the counter.)

Man: “Do you guys take trades?”

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