Adopting The Best Attitude

, , , | Hopeless | September 20, 2017

(One of my favorite parts of my job is when our adoptable cats from the local shelter get new homes and I get to see a happy family take home their new furry friend. The shelter we work with often has special holiday adoption fees; one of them is $14 for Valentine’s Day. The weekend of Valentine’s Day, a mom and her son, who I’d peg between seven and nine years old, come in to adopt a cat they’ve been visiting in the store for a week. The shelter volunteer runs the paperwork and gets everything set. Then…)

Volunteer: “Okay, that’ll be fourteen dollars please!”

Son: “I wanna pay for it!”

([Volunteer] and I watch as the little boy digs around in his pockets, pulling out crumpled $1s and $5s until he has enough, and hands the pile to [Volunteer].)

Son: *proudly* “I saved my allowance for two weeks to be able to adopt her!”

(I have tears in my eyes, and I can see [Volunteer] does too as she takes the small pile of crumpled bills and smooths them out. The little boy’s mother is absolutely beaming at her son.)

Volunteer: “All right, it looks like you’re all set—”

Son: “Oh, wait a sec!” *digs in his pocket, pulls out another $1 bill and hands it to [Volunteer]* “I saved up an extra dollar to donate to the rest of the animals.”

(I couldn’t believe how sweet and mature this little boy was. On their way out I told his mother she should be very proud of her son, and she assured me she was. I know that kitty went to a very loving home, and I hope that little boy stays this sweet and kind his whole life!)

Knows How To Push Your (Belly) Buttons

, , , , , | Right | September 20, 2017

(I work the seafood counter, but it is joined with the meat market. Sometimes the seafood staff have to watch to meat counter for a while. For a few weeks, we have this elderly man come in and try to play pranks on the employees.)

Coworker #1: *in meat department* “Hello, sir, what can I get for you today?”

Elderly Man: “Yes, I would like your best pork belly buttons.”

Coworker #1: “Umm… I will have to ask my boss. One moment.”

Coworker #2: “Sir, pork belly buttons don’t exist.”

Elderly Man: “Well, of course they do!”

Wife: “Leave them alone! I am sorry.”

(A few days later, I am working both counters.)

Me: “Hello, sir, what can I get for you today?”

Elderly Man: “I would like some pork belly buttons, young lady.”

Me: “I am sorry, sir, but your reputation precedes you. Pork belly buttons do not exist. Is there anything that I can actually get you?”

(He laughed at this.)

Wife: “Leave the girl alone!”

Me: “Oh, no worries, ma’am; I already know who he is. Is there anything I can get for you guys today?”

Elderly Man: “I like you!”

(After that he stopped asking, but if I was working, he would smile at me when they passed by.)

That’s Probably What The Salesman Told Her

, , , , , | Related | September 20, 2017

(My family is at my grandmother’s house for Thanksgiving. My uncle opens the freezer to get something, and finds a hot pad underneath a container of ice cream.)

Uncle: “What’s this?”

Grandmother: “It’s a hot pad.”

Uncle: “What’s it doing in the freezer?”

Grandmother: “Since it keeps the table from getting burned when you put hot things down on it, I keep it in the freezer so the ice cream won’t get freezer-burned.”

(My mother looked at my uncle and me with a death glare, and under her breath said, “Don’t you dare say a word”.)

How Do I Say This Without Sounding Like An A**-Hole?

, , , , | Right | September 20, 2017

(I am working at [Retailer] as an overnight stocker when a customer walks up.)

Customer: “Can you tell me where to find mustard?”

Me: “It would be my pleasure. It’s on aisle two.”

Customer: “Which aisle is that?”

Me: “…the aisle with the big two over it.”

They’ll Come Later, Alligator

, , , , | Working | September 20, 2017

(I work third shift. Second shift is notoriously slovenly, to the point that we often spend upwards of two hours getting the plant shipshape again. Today they have left the place fairly clean for once.)

Coworker: “It’s actually kind of eerie when second shift doesn’t leave us a disaster area. It’s like, ‘I’m supposed to be up to my a** in alligators right now! Where are all the alligators?’”

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