(Working in tech support means that you often get gems, which makes sense when you consider that I handle maybe twenty to thirty calls a night. Recently, I had one call that made me really wonder HOW people manage to get high-paying jobs… without understanding the simplest actions. After a spiel about the company, and getting a user ID to look the client up:)

Me: “What is the nature of your problem?”

Client: *agitated* “I can’t access my voicemail! I need you to unlock it or reset my PIN!”

Me: “Okay, that’s not hard. Just need to verify—”

Client: “Verify? What do you mean verify?”

Me: “Company rules. I just need to be sure you are who you say you are.”

Client: “Can’t my assistant just do this?”

Me: “No. It has to be you.”

(I ask for verification of identity, and then start checking some things.)

Client: “What’s taking so long?! I’m a Vice President, and it shouldn’t take this long!”

Me: “VP or not, sir, I still have to isolate your identity from the list of some three thousand people with the same name, and then change the PIN. It’s going to take me a bit of time, so bear with me.”

Client: “Fine… Whatever.”

(After resetting his PIN, I have him give it a go, only to have it not work. We try this a second time, and it still doesn’t work.)

Client: “Stupid. You can’t do anything right!”

Me: *staying civil, as calls are recorded* “It’s odd that it’s not working… Tell me, what exactly are you doing when you log in?”

Client: “The same thing I do every time, you stupid muppet! I press mail on the phone, then star, and then enter the pin! What do you think I’m doing?”

Me: *inwardly* “Making me want to hang up on you.” *to client* “Okay, there’s a couple options here. Let me just put you on hold a moment and check with someone on this.”

(I quickly put the client on hold, and call up the telecom agents. After relating the client’s name, and his trouble, the telecom agent groans and says:)

Telecom: “Him… Again? Bloody h***. Tell that stupid wanker to quit pushing the star key. I walked him through that twice already, and he’s not figured out that it doesn’t work the way he wants it to.”

Me: *laughing* “I can’t tell him that.”

(After a few moments, the telecom agent asks me to put him on the line with the client and me. I do the transfer, and introduce the telecom agent. At this point the client seems to calm down, and even get a bit sheepish.)

Telecom: “VP? We’ve talked about this with you no less than three times now, and I’ll say it again. STOP PUSHING THE D*** STAR KEY!”

Client: “I… sorry. I…” *hangs up*

(In the end, I had to put a resolution to the problem, knowing full well that the client, and his direct supervisor, would be given a copy of the ticket. In the resolution field, I wrote, “Client complained that he could not access his voicemail. After repeated tries, I contacted Telecom, and was informed that client was disregarding instructions on how to access his voicemail. Client has been informed that he is not to continue pushing buttons on the phone, as doing so is not required, nor advised, for the accessing of his voicemail.”)

(I work on the overnight shift at a retail chain stocking shelves, and I’m known as quite the klutz. One night, I’m pulling a tall pallet of merchandise to the sales floor, while a coworker helps push it, and as we pass the cereal aisle, I accidentally hit the top of a large clothing display with the corner of the pallet and knock it over. Fortunately, no customers are nearby, so nobody gets hurt. As I’m standing there in shock at what happened, the assistant manager turns the corner with a look of pure shock on her face that I’ll never forget. After a moment, with surprising calm in her voice, she asks me what happened.)

Me: “I just clipped the arm hanging over the aisle by accident, and the display wobbled back and forth before it finally fell over.

Coworker #1: “Honestly, he barely touched it, though. I’m surprised it actually fell over.”

Me: “Am… am I fired?”

Assistant Manager: “I don’t think you’ll be fired over this, but we’re going to check the camera to see exactly what happened. Head to the back and help stack the pallets; just don’t pull any to the floor for now.”

(I immediately go and do just that. My coworker and I say nothing of this incident to anyone out back. Just a couple minutes later, the assistant manager makes an announcement over the intercom.)

Assistant Manager: “I need all maintenance to the cereal aisle, please. All maintenance to the cereal aisle.”

(A coworker who has been in the back the entire time comes out from between some racks and sees me.)

Coworker #2: “[My Name]… what did you do?”

Me: “How did you know that announcement was about something I did?!”

Coworker #2: “Really? Who else?”

Me: “Fair point.”

(It was determined that the display I knocked over was not only hanging out in the main aisle too far, but also stocked with too much merchandise on the top, making it top-heavy and more prone to tipping over. I suppose management took pity on me, since I wasn’t even given an official warning on my record. I did, however, finally take that wake-up call and was more careful of my surroundings after that.)

(I work at an art store and we are having a sale on yellow-labeled ribbon, no other colored labels. A lady comes up with about ten rolls of ribbon which all have purple labels.)

Me: “Hello! How are you today?”

Lady: “Oh, I’m fine. Is there a sale on ribbon today?”

(At the moment, I am unaware that only the yellow-labeled ones are on sale)

Me: “Yes, we do!” *starts scanning items*

Lady: “Hey, wait. I thought the ribbon was on sale?”

(I take a quick look at a catalogue and find what’s on sale.)

Me: “Oh, looks like only the yellow-labeled ribbon is on sale.”

Lady: “Only the yellow-labeled?”

Me: “Yes, ma’am.”

Lady: “How do I tell which ones are yellow-labeled?”

Me: “…”

(This lady was a teacher.)

(My husband recently ordered a TV stand and a bookshelf online, among other smaller items. The TV stand is delivered pretty quickly, and my husband assembles it the next day. He then gets a notification that some of his items were delivered, so he opens the front door to retrieve them.)

Husband: “That’s weird.”

Me: “What is?”

Husband: “They delivered another one.”

Me: “Another what?”

Husband: “TV stand. Did I accidentally order it twice?”

Me: “Huh?”

(He goes to pick up the box.)

Husband: “Why is it so ligh—”

(His voice trails off as a look of realization hits him; at the same time, I understand what happened.)

Me: “You put the empty box outside, didn’t you?”

Husband: *sheepishly* “Yes…”

(I get a call early in the morning.)

Me: “Good morning. This is [Hotel]. May I help you?”

Lady: “Is it okay if I drop off some bags? I’m checking in today.”

Me: “Yes, it is okay.”

Lady: “Great, I’ll see you soon.”

(After she hangs up, a bunch of other guests line up to check out, and it gets quite busy, since I’m the only one at the front desk. A few minutes later, a lady enters the hotel with a bunch of bags and makes a beeline towards me, ignorant of the line!)

Lady: “Hi, I need to drop off my bags.”

Me: “I’m sorry, but I’m in the middle of checking out these people who were before you.”

Lady: “But I just called! I was before them. Plus, I have a taxi waiting!”

(Everyone in line is glaring at her and me. I want to get her away, so my pleasant tone gets curt.)

Me: “Fine. Just leave your bags there and I’ll take care of them.”

Lady: “But I need some money to pay the cabbie! He’s waiting!”

(I hurriedly made change for her, and she checked in later. I told my boss what happened, and my boss told the lady not to cut in front of people. She hasn’t again, but I am treated to a resentful glare from her every morning… and she’s going to here for months. Lucky me.)