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It’s Not Exactly SAT Vocabulary

, , , | Right | March 13, 2009

(A customer comes through the drive-thru.)

Me: “Hi welcome to [Coffee Shop]! What can I get started for you today?”

Customer: “I want a mo-CHA.”

Me: “What size?”

Customer: “The middle one.”

Me: “Okay, did you want that hot or iced?”

Customer: “What?”

Me: “Did you want that hot or iced?”

Customer: “I don’t understand what you’re asking. Why are you asking me so many questions? Why can’t you just make my drink?”

Me: “I just need to know if you want it hot or iced.”

Customer: “What’s the difference?”

Me: “Excuse me?”

Customer: “What’s the difference between hot and iced?”

Me: “About a hundred and thirty degrees?”

Customer: “Oh… hot!”

(Of course, when she gets up to the window it turns out she wanted an iced blended mocha.)

This story is part of the Drive-Thru roundup!

Read the next Drive Thru roundup story!

Read the Drive-Thru roundup!

You Say Vacation, I Say D**nation

, , , , , , | Right | March 13, 2009

Me: “Do you need some help?”

Young Teen: “Yes, I’m looking for a book on a country.”

Me: “Do you want a travel guide or a book about the history of the country?

Young Teen: “A travel guide, I guess. It’s for school.”

Me: “Okay, then. Where would you like a travel guide to?”

Young Teen: “Hades.”

Me: “…you mean, Haiti?”

Young Teen: “Yeah, I guess that’s the way we say it here.”

This story is part of our 3rd Terrible At Geography roundup!

Read the next Terrible At Geography roundup story!

Read the 3rd Terrible At Geography roundup!

Please Don’t Pet The Employees

, , , , | Right | March 13, 2009

Customer: “Wow! You look so much like that guy!”

Me: “Um… what guy, ma’am?”

Customer: “You know! That rocker guy with that daughter and son.”

Me: “Do you mean Ozzy Osbourne?”

Customer: “Yeah! That guy.” *pauses* “You have such a great skin!”

(The customer begins to grab my face.)

Me: *starts pulling away* “Uh… ma’am, can you please stop touching my face?”

Customer: “Why? Come back!”

Manager: *coming out of his office* “Ma’am, please leave my store and stop harassing my staff!”

Customer: “But… why can’t I touch his face?”

Manager: “Out!”

The Land Of Surf, Sun, And Time Dilation

, , , , | Right | March 13, 2009

Me: “Thank you for calling [Call Center]. This is [My Name]. How can I help you?”

Customer: “Yes, I’d like to place an order.”

Me: “I’d be happy to do that for you; however, our ordering system is down. If you’d like to call back in fifteen minutes, someone can help you with that.”

Customer: “Okay, so is it fifteen minutes Hawaii time or your time?”

Me: “No… just fifteen minutes… I’m pretty sure that’s the same no matter where you are, ma’am.”

Customer: “Oh! Okay, thanks.”

Disease Or Not, You’re Still A Douche

, , , , , | Right | March 12, 2009

(A customer has just finished placing a rather large and pricey order of several large popcorns loaded with butter, large drinks, and random candies.)

Me: “That’ll come to $55.75, sir.”

Customer: “Oh… I have cancer.”

Me: “Um… I’m sorry.”

Customer: “So, I don’t have to pay, right?”

Me: “No, you still have to pay.”

Customer: “Why? I’m a cancer patient!”

Me: “You’re also trying to walk away with nearly $60 in concession items. I’m sorry, but I can’t give that to you because you have cancer.”

Customer: “Oh, come on! What if I told you I had heart disease?”

Me: “I guess I’d have to ask why you’re in such a rush to kill yourself?”