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This Vacation Is All Downhill From Here

, , , , | Right | September 10, 2009

(This is in summer when the customer comes in.)

Customer: “I would like to buy three ski passes for today.”

Me: “Miss, it’s 90 out and the snow melted months ago.”

Customer: “But I thought you guys made it?”


This story is part of our Clueless Tourists roundup!

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Hell Hath No Fury Like A Pregnant Woman Scorned

, , , , | Right | September 10, 2009

(A man comes to my register with a mint chocolate candy bar.)

Me: “Anything else?”

Customer: “Can you break a $100 bill?”

Me: “Actually, I can’t. We just opened and I haven’t gone to the bank today.”

Customer: “Oh, no! Do you know anywhere I can get change? I need this candy right away!”

(At this point I notice his panicked look. Coupled with the fact that he’s buying the most unappetizing candy in the store, I jump to a conclusion.)

Me: “Sir, these aren’t for you, are they?”

Customer: “No.”

Me: “Did your pregnant wife send you out at eight in the morning to buy this candy?”

Customer: “Yes.”

Me: “For the love of God, man! Get these home to her before you’re in even more trouble! You can come back and pay me later!”

(The customer bolted out the door. He later came back, visibly calmer, and paid.)


This story is included in our Candy roundup!

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Slippery Christmas Ice

, , , , | Right | September 10, 2009

(This occurs two days after Christmas Day at the refunds desk.)

Customer: “These slippers don’t fit! I’ve been the same shoe size for years. It must be these new European sizes; I can’t even get my foot in!”

Me: “That’s no problem, sir. I’ll just refund these and give you a credit note, and then you can go and choose some slippers that fit.”

Customer: “This ruined my Christmas, you know!”

(I take the slippers and examine them for any faults or damage, while the customer continues to rant.)

Me: “Sir, did you remove the tissue paper from the toes before you tried these on?”

Customer: “Oh.”

(Needless to say, the slippers did, in fact, fit. Christmas was saved.)


This story is part of the Christmas Day roundup!

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Bad Reception, Worse Misperceptions

, , , | Right | September 9, 2009

Me: “Thank you for calling. How can I help you today?”

Customer: *thick accent* “I have problem with cell phone.”

Me: “Okay, sir, I’m sure I can help you with that. It looks like we’re going to have to reset your connection. I need you to type in the following series of numbers, followed by the pound key.”

(I hear a distinct whacking sound in the background.)

Me: “Sir? What are you doing?”

Customer: “You say pound phone. I pound on table. Pieces fly off!”


This story is part of our Tongue-Tied Customers roundup!

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As Normal As A Nude Nymph With No Nails

, , , | Right | September 9, 2009

(Working near the fitting rooms, my coworker hears a customer ask for help from inside one of the stalls.)

Customer: “Excuse me, I need some help.”

Coworker: “All right–”

(My coworker turns around and notices the customer standing outside of the stall completely nude except for the bra she was trying on.)

Customer: “How does this look on me? I’m not sure if this works for me.”

Coworker: “Um… why did you happen to take off your clothes?”

Customer: “Oh, because I feel more comfortable like this. So, what do you think?”

Coworker: “It looks… good.”

(My coworker looks down to avoid seeing the woman and notices stickers on the woman’s toes.)

Coworker: “Why do you have stickers on your toes, ma’am?”

Customer: “Well, I don’t have any toenails. I think the stickers make them look prettier, and I feel more normal when I take off my shoes.”