An Offer Without A Leg To Stand On

, , , | Right | February 24, 2011

(A customer pays at the window and continues to sit there.)

Customer: “We could run away together.”

Me: “Uhm…”

Customer: “But we wouldn’t get very far. I don’t have any legs.”

Me: *noticing the handicap tags on the mirror* “How are you driving?”

Customer: “It’s a secret.” *drives away*

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Just Another Mild Mannered Horse

, , , , | Right | February 23, 2011

(I work in the barn, where I explain the rules of our corn maze. There are usually two or three horses in there as well, one of which is white.)

Customer: “That is a beautiful unicorn.”

Me: “He’s a handsome boy all right. Just missing the horn. You can pat him if you like.”

Customer: “But he is white, and strong like unicorn! They are very strong.”

Me: “He would make a very nice unicorn. He’s a Percheron, though, so no horn.”

Customer: “He must hide his horn, to protect! He cannot always be a unicorn!”

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A Phone That Rises To The Challenge

, , , , , , | Right | February 23, 2011

Me: “So, are you looking to upgrade your phone?”

Customer: “Yeah.”

Me: “Any model of phone in particular?”

Customer: “Well, I had an LG Erection, and I want to get another one because the first one died.”

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Bad Karma Chameleons

, , , , | Right | February 23, 2011

Customer: “Excuse me, why do you sell live crickets?”

Me: “They’re bought as food for Jackson Chameleons, birds, and other animals. They have to be sold live because Jackson Chameleons have poor eyesight and can only see their food if it’s moving.”

Customer: “That’s terrible! So they’re just going to die?”

Me: “Well, chameleons have to eat, too. But it’s okay. It happens so fast that the crickets won’t see it coming.”

Customer: “That’s so cruel! Why doesn’t someone tell them?! If I was going to be eaten, I’d certainly want to know!”


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Free Derange

, , , , , | Right | February 22, 2011

Me: “Hello, how can I help you?”

Customer: “Yes, what does free-range chicken mean?”

Me: “That means our chickens are not raised in cages. They get to walk around outside, which is important to the quality of life for the animals.”

Customer: *with a horrified expression* “How do you make sure they don’t eat bugs and stuff while they’re outside?”

Me: “We make sure the farmers put up a sign that says ‘Don’t Eat Bugs’ in chicken-scratch so they can read it.”

Customer: “Oh, okay. I’ll take two breasts.”

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