Free Cop Holder With Drink

, , , , , , | Right | May 28, 2010

(A customer approaches the ticket drop, holding a half bottle of wine.)

Me: “You cannot bring that in here, ma’am. That is against the law.”

Customer: “What?! I need to bring this in! I can’t just leave it in my car! There is a law about open containers being in cars in this state.”

Me: “How did you manage to bring it all the way here, then?”

Customer: “Oh, it wasn’t opened when I left. I drank it on the way here.”

Me: “So, you had an open container and you were drinking on the way here in your car?”

Customer: “No! I hung the bottle out the window on the way here, and put my head out the window when I was drinking, so it doesn’t count!”

Me: “Okay, I’m going to call the police now. You wait here.”

Customer: “Okay! Is he going to hold this for me while I watch my movie?”


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America, Land Of The Not-So-Free

, , , , , | Right | May 27, 2010

Me: “Would you like a free year of anti-virus for this computer?”

Customer: “No, that is too expensive! In my country, we can get it for about $16 USD!”

Me: “Well, in this country you get it for free when you buy a computer.”

Customer: “No, it’s too expensive. You give me a deal?”

Me: “I can charge you $16 US dollars for the anti-virus.”

Customer: “Okay! You see? You gave me a deal.”

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How To Address The Proof Of Address

, , , | Right | May 27, 2010

Me: “Okay, for a library card I need ID that verifies your address.”

Patron: *recites address*

Me: “I need proof that is your address, like your ID or a bill.”

Patron: *recites address again*

Me: “I’m sorry. I need proof.”

(The patron walks away and comes back with another patron.)

Patron: “Will you please tell this lady where I live to prove it?”

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Bohemian Nobody

, , , , , | Right | May 26, 2010

(A customer approaches the service counter.)

Me: “Hi, how can I help you?”

Customer: “Is this the real life?”

Me: “Excuse me?”

Customer: “Is this just fantasy?”

Me: *catching on* “Caught in a landslide, no escape from reality.”

Customer: “D*** it! I was trying to prank you! You shouldn’t know what I’m doing!”

Me: “Doesn’t really matter to me, to meeee.”

Customer: “F*** you!” *storms off*

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Missing Out On The Spectacle

, , , | Right | May 25, 2010

(I am working at the theater for a 3D movie and giving out the glasses.)

Customer: “The 3D isn’t working. I want a refund.”

Me: “Oh, well, it could just be a problem with the glasses. Let me give you a new pair.”

Customer: “You mean I have to wear the glasses?”


This story is part of our 3D Movies roundup!

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