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Petrol Perception

, , , , | Right | January 8, 2009

Customer: “Your pumps are a lot slower than they used to be. It never used to take this long to pump $20 of gas.”

Me: “The pump speed hasn’t decreased; it just takes longer to get to $20 now that the price of gas is half what it used to be.”

Customer: “Well, I wish it would go up again so I could fill up faster!”

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Always Imitated, Never Duplicated

, , , | Right | January 8, 2009

Customer: “Do you have a copy of [Book] in stock?”

Me: “Yes, we do. Would you like me to put it on hold for you?”

Customer: “Yes. Also, I was emailed a coupon that I’d like to use to buy that book, but my printer is broken. Is there anything you can do?”

Me: “Sure, just write down the coupon code and the amount you’ll be saving. As long as we can verify these two things in the system, our computers will allow the discount.”

Customer: “Should I draw the bar code for you?”

Me: “I’m sorry? Come again?”

Customer: “Would it help if I drew the bar code?”

Me: “No… the coupon code will do just fine.”

Customer: “Thanks!”

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South Paw Prophecy

, , , | Right | January 8, 2009

Me: “Hello there, how may I help you?”

Customer: “I would like a refund on this item, please.”

Me: “Okay, no problem, sir.”

(I start filling out a refund sheet.)

Customer: “Oh! I see that you’re left-handed!”

Me: “Yep!”

Customer: “I pity you…”

Me: “Um… and why should I be pitied, exactly?”

Customer: “How long did your parents live?”

Me: “Er… both of my parents are very much alive, sir.”

Customer: “Oh? What about your grandparents?”

Me: “I saw them a few days ago. They’re alive too, and in great health.”

Customer: “How old are they?”

Me: *telling him their ages* “They’re in great shape.”

Customer: “Then you will die at the age of 70!”

Me: “Here’s your refund, sir…”

Customer: “I wish it weren’t so… good luck to you.”

Me: “Okay…”

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Fond Future Memories

, , , | Right | January 7, 2009

Me: “Okay, sir, your total today is $62.30.”

Customer: *serious* “That was a good year. I remember it well….”

Me: “6230?!”

Customer: “Yeah.”

Me: “…”

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Seek, And Ye Shall Find…Eventually

, , , , , | Right | January 7, 2009

Customer: “Hi. Can I have a cappuccino please?”

Me: “Uh… sorry, ma’am, but you’re in a furniture store. We don’t sell coffee.”

Customer: “I didn’t ask for coffee, I asked for a d*** cappuccino!”

Me: “Well, we don’t sell those either.”

Customer: *looking hurt* “Why not?”

Me: “We sell furniture. Look around you…”

Customer: *starts crying* “This is the fourth time this has happened on this street!” *runs out*

(As it turns out, she’d gone into a clothing store, a pharmacy, and a grocery store, just to find herself a cappuccino.)


This story is part of the Obnoxious-Coffee-Orders roundup!

Read the next Obnoxious-Coffee-Orders roundup story!

Read the Obnoxious-Coffee-Orders roundup!

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