Avoid A Shake With The Snake

, , , , | Right | April 8, 2015

(It’s Valentine’s day and my boyfriend and I are at a restaurant. While we are waiting for a table, we go to a pet store next door where we hold a ball python. After we get seated, my boyfriend gets up to go to the bathroom to wash his hands. On his way, he passes a waiter that we know well.)

Waiter: “Hey, man, how’s it going?” *sticks out his hand to shake*

Boyfriend: “Sorry, man, I’d shake, but I was just playing with a python.”

(It didn’t the hit him until he was in the bathroom how dirty it sounded.)


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Banked That Day Off

, , , , , | Right | April 7, 2015

(It’s the week of Thanksgiving. I am closing with my supervisor and another coworker. Please note that this particular coworker had an open to close shift that day and is very tired.)

Customer: *pulls up in the drive-thru* “Are you guys open on Thursday?”

Coworker: “No, we are closed for Thanksgiving. We will be open normal hours on Friday.”

Customer: “You guys should be open. What if someone needs money?”

Coworker: “Sir, will YOU be at the bank on Thursday?”

Customer: “Heck, no. I’ll be eating lots of food and spending time with my family!”

Coworker: “Exactly. And the rest of us want to do that, too. That’s why we’re not open. Is there anything else I can help you with today?”

Customer: “Uh… no. I think I’m good.”

Coworker: “Enjoy your evening.”

(The customer drives off. My coworker turns around to see the supervisor and me laughing our heads off.)

Me: “That was great!”

Coworker: “Will I get in trouble for saying that?!”

Supervisor: “Heck, no! You tell ’em!”


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Deathly Serious

, , , , , | Related | April 7, 2015

(My wife and I are in the kitchen, talking, when our four-year-old daughter comes in, grinning ear to ear.)

Daughter: “I’m so happy!”

Me: “Oh, yeah? Why is that, honey?”

Daughter: *suddenly very serious* “Because I was going to die today.” *her face brightens* “But then I didn’t!”

(My wife and I stammer out some kind of response, and after she skips away, glance at each other warily.)

Wife: “Well, that was creepy.”

Me: “Yep. I think I just met my quota for the day.”


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Thank You For Coming In But Not Really

, , , , , | Right | April 6, 2015

(Our store, unlike our competitors, is open every day but Christmas. It is Thanksgiving. I’m the bagger.)

Customer: “What are you doing open on Thanksgiving?”

Me: “Well, this store stays open for normal hours every day but Christmas.”

Customer: “That’s not good; you should be with your family.”

(We have been keeping track of how many people say this, something that frustrates us as we would LOVE to be home.)

Me: “Well, as long as it is profitable to be open today, the store is open.”

Customer: “That’s too bad; its a shame they make you work today.”

Me: *to the cashier, after customer leaves* “I think my comment about the profitable was too subtle. Don’t these people realize we are only open because they come to buy things?”

(That day we counted around 200 people saying it was a shame we were working on Thanksgiving.)


This story is part of our Thanksgiving roundup! This is the last story in the roundup, but we have plenty of others you might enjoy!

23 Hilarious Stories About Customers Not Quite Getting July 4th!

 

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Going Locally Loco

, , , , , | Right | March 30, 2015

(I own a small business where I make and sell plush toys, all with patterns I create myself. I’m dealing with a new customer at a local anime convention where I’m selling them in the artist alley.)

Customer: “So, are these made locally?”

Me: “Yes, sir, I actually make them.”

Customer: “No, are they made locally?”

Me: “Yes… I make them.”

Customer: “I don’t think you’re understanding me. Are. They. Made. LOCALLY?!”

Me: *stands up, pointing to myself* “I—” *picks up plush toy* “—make. THEM.”

Customer: *sighs dramatically in irritation* “Yes, you SELL them. I want to know who makes them! D***, listen for once, will ya?”

Me: *waits a moment and extends hand* “Hello, my name is [My Name] and I’m the owner, founder, proprietor, and artistic mind behind [My Business]. Every plush you see here on this table was designed BY ME and sewn BY ME. No one else; nowhere else. Me and me alone. Me, as in ‘local business owner.’ What can I do for you?”

Customer: “Why didn’t you say so to start with?”

Me: “…”

(To make things worse, he didn’t buy anything.)


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