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And On This Farm He Had My Dinner

, , , | Right | January 12, 2009

Customer: What’s the difference between this-” *holds up a steak of lamb* “and this?” *holds up a steak of calf*

Me: “Well, this one is from a lamb, and this one from a calf. It says so right here on the label.”

Customer: “But what part of the animal is that?”

Me: *points at the lamb* “Baaaa.” *pointing at the calf* “Moooo.”

Customer: *happily* “Oh, thank you so much!”

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Now Showing In Utero Vision

, , , | Right | January 12, 2009

(A very pregnant customer and her small child walk up to the theater box office.)

Customer: *points at marquee* “Are these all the movies you got playing?”

Me: “Yep, I’d say so….”

Customer: “Okay, I’ll have three for [Movie].”

Me: “Are there any children in the group?”

Customer: *points to boy and pregnant belly* “Yes, two.”

Me: “Ma’am, we don’t charge for children age two and under… or unborn fetuses…”

Customer: “Okay… just one, then!”

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Financial Loaves And Fishes

, , , , | Right | January 9, 2009

Customer: “There seems to be a problem with my ATM card. I can’t get any money out.”

Me: “Hold on, let me check your account… you only have $3.35 in your bank account.”

Customer: “Okay, so how do we fix that?”

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The Elves Didn’t Meet Quota This Year

, , , , , | Right | January 9, 2009

Me: “Hi, thank you for calling [Store]. My name is [My Name]. How may I help you?”

Customer: “Yes, ma’am, I was wondering if you had any Mario Karts?”

Me: “For the Nintendo Wii? No, ma’am, we are currently sold out.”

Customer: “Okay, but are you sure you don’t have any stocked up in the back that you’re ‘holding’ for someone?”

Me: “No, ma’am. We have none in stock whatsoever.”

Customer: “Well, I don’t think you’re helping me out too much with this sale.”

Me: “Ma’am? There’s not really much I can do.”

Customer: “No, I don’t think you UNDERSTAND. It is IMPERATIVE that I get this game for Christmas. You DO know what that means, right?”

Me: “I’m fully capable of understanding a four-syllable word, ma’am. However, that game has been a very hot item this Christmas, and has been nearly impossible to find. Im-poss-i-ble. You DO know what that means, right?”

Customer: “WHY DON’T YOU GO ABOVE AND BEYOND FOR YOUR CUSTOMERS?”

Me: “Ma’am, what more can I possibly do? We don’t have any physically in the store.”

Customer: “Well, thanks a lot! Now you’re gonna make me look like a bad Santa in front of my children!”

Me: “Ma’am, a good Santa wouldn’t have waited two days before Christmas.”


This story is part of the Mario-themed roundup!

Read the next Mario-themed roundup story!

Read the Mario-themed roundup!


This story is part of the Christmas Eve roundup!

Read the next Christmas Eve roundup story!

Read the Christmas Eve roundup!

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Beefed-Up Technology

, , , , | Right | January 9, 2009

(I am a customer at a cell phone store, observing the following exchange.)

Employee: “I’m sorry, sir, but your phone has water damage, which isn’t covered by the warranty. You will have to purchase a new phone.”

Customer: “That’s ridiculous! I haven’t gotten the phone wet!”

Employee: “Have you used the phone in the rain? Sometimes, that’s all it takes to get the internals wet enough to damage the device.”

Customer: “Well, yes, but that doesn’t make any sense! Cows are in the rain all the time and they don’t die!”

Employee: “…”

Me: *interjecting* “Sir, cows aren’t electronic devices.”

Customer: *storms out*

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