Made Contact With The X-Men

, , , , | Working | April 14, 2015

(My coworker has run out of his regular contacts and my boss has allowed him to wear his Halloween contacts at work today, which means he has red irises. None of the customers comment on it until one woman’s eight-year-old son notices them.)

Boy: “What’s wrong with your eyes?”

Coworker: *without missing a beat, dead serious* “Did you ever see the movie X-Men?”

Boy: *gasps* “NO. WAY!”

(The mom and I couldn’t stop laughing while I rang them up.)

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The Post Snail-Mail Generation

, , , , , | Working | April 9, 2015

(I work in a call center at a help desk for a bank, assisting representatives with problems and doing research. Often we get asked how systems work or how to find something. I’m in Colorado; the person calling is in California.)

Me: “Thank you for calling [Company] help desk. This is [My Name]. How can I help today?”

Teller: “I’m trying to write a letter in Google but it’s not letting me.”

Me: “What do you mean, you’re trying to write a letter in Google?”

Teller: “I’m trying to write a letter to go with a check we’re returning to the client, but Google won’t let me do it.”

Me: “You need to use a word processor, not Google.”

Teller: “But I can type. Why won’t it let me write a letter?”

Me: “Let me just write that letter for you.”

Teller: “Then how will I get it? Will you drop it on my desk?”

Me: “I can email it to you.”

Teller: “Then how will the client get it?”

Me: “You can print it off and mail it to them with the check.”

Teller: “How do I mail a letter?”

(It just kept going like this for ten minutes. Sadly, this is not the first or last time I’ve had to explain how to mail a letter.)


This story is part of our Bad Bankers roundup!

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Directionless Lies

, | Learning | April 9, 2015

(I volunteer twice a week in the local elementary school’s reading mentors program. Today, as I am working with my student behind one of the dividers, I hear the following exchange take place.)

Mentor: “Can you find Brazil on the map?”

Boy: “No. These maps! They lie to me!”

(The poor mentor then tries to gently encourage the little fellow not to tell the booklet that it is a liar.)

Boy: “THESE MAPS ARE LIES!”


This story is part of our Brazil roundup!

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Labelled As A Genius

, , | Working | April 8, 2015

(I’m in high school and working as a production assistant for an independent film. It’s my first movie, but most of the cast and crew, who are late 20s and older, have done others. We’re on set at a hospital classroom; it looks like a hospital but isn’t filled with any medicine and they don’t treat patients here.)

Director: “All right, everyone! We need to pull the labels off the drawers and cupboards. No real hospital would have everything labeled like that!”

Asst. Director: “Wait! How will we know where they go again?”

Director: “We’ll just take pictures of them! Who’s got a camera?”

(Everyone starts scrambling around trying to find a camera to take pictures of the 50-plus cupboards and drawers that are going to be in the shot.)

Me: “Um… couldn’t we just put the labels inside their corresponding drawers and doors?”

(Everyone pauses and looks at me.)

Director: “…You’re really good at this job.”

(Filming went smoothly. Not a label was seen!)

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Avoid A Shake With The Snake

, , , , | Right | April 8, 2015

(It’s Valentine’s day and my boyfriend and I are at a restaurant. While we are waiting for a table, we go to a pet store next door where we hold a ball python. After we get seated, my boyfriend gets up to go to the bathroom to wash his hands. On his way, he passes a waiter that we know well.)

Waiter: “Hey, man, how’s it going?” *sticks out his hand to shake*

Boyfriend: “Sorry, man, I’d shake, but I was just playing with a python.”

(It didn’t the hit him until he was in the bathroom how dirty it sounded.)


This story is part of our Snakes roundup!

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