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Give Me Good Ol’ Inefficiency Any Day

, , | Right | April 14, 2009

(I’m one of the fastest cashiers and often receive positive feedback from customers.)

Me: “… and your total is [total].”

Customer: “Wait, that can’t be right. I added it up. It should be less than that! You need to change something!”

Me: “Alright, sir, but it will take me a minute to bring your transaction back up. Your receipt is already printed.”

Customer: “Are you kidding me? This is ridiculous! This is your fault–you rang me up too flippin’ fast! I’m sick of these stores and their flippin’ fast cashiers!” *takes receipt and storms away*

Next Customer: “Did that guy seriously just yell at you for being fast?!”

Rage Against The Earless Machine

, , , | Right | April 14, 2009

(I overheard this conversation between a self-checkout machine and a customer.)

Self-Checkout Machine: “Please take your items.”

Customer: “DON’T TELL ME WHAT THE F*** TO DO! WHAT? DO YOU THINK I’M STUPID? YOU THINK I’M JUST GOING TO LEAVE MY S*** HERE?!”

May Contain Scenes Of Gratuitous Bowie

, , , , | Right | April 13, 2009

Customer: “Yes, I’m looking for this movie for my daughter: Pan’s Labyrinth. I heard it was very good.”

Me: “Yes, it was very good.”

Customer: “Do you think the girls would like it?”

Me: “I don’t know; how old are they?”

Customer: “Nine.”

Me: “Uh, ma’am, Pan’s Labyrinth isn’t really a kids movie. It’s about the Spanish Civil War.”

Customer: “The what?”

Me: “The Spanish Civil War. General Franco. There’s a scene where a man gets his face beaten in.”

Customer: “But in the previews it looks like a kid’s movie, like that other movie with puppets.”

Me: “Do you mean Labyrinth?”

Customer: “Yes!”

Me: “That may be a better choice. Trust me.”

Customer: *leaves*

Coworker: “I don’t know if David Bowie’s giant crotch is really safe for kids either…”

It Only Goes Downhill From Here

, , , , | Right | April 13, 2009

(I’ve just finished bagging a man’s groceries in two paper bags.)

Me: “Have a great night!”

Customer: “Paper bags? NEVER bag my groceries in paper bags!”

Me: “…”

Customer: “If you ever do this again, I’ll kill you! I’ll blow your head off! I have guns!”

Me: “…”

(Two weeks later, the store hired him. I quit.)

Rescue 911, Transylvania Edition

, , , | Right | April 11, 2009

(Note: South County is a psychiatric institution.)

911: “911, what is your emergency?”

Caller: “Yeah, I’m sorry to bother you but I am checking into South County tomorrow. I’m afraid to go cause there is a guy who works there who wears a star and says he’s a vampire.”

911: “People are allowed to be vampires if they want to be, ma’am.”

Caller: “Oh yeah? What if he tried to bite me?”

911: “Did he try to bite you?”

Caller: “No.”

911: “Give us a call back if he tries to bite you.”


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