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Closing The Barn Door After The Barn Has Burned Down

, , , | Right | September 23, 2009

Customer: “I want to return this toaster.”

Me: “All right, ma’am, was there something wrong with it?”

Customer: “There’s a hole in the plug!”

Me: “Oh, that’s a safety feature with this brand. It’s so when you unplug it you’re not tugging on the cord itself.”

Customer: “Why does it matter? ”

Me: “Well, tugging on the cord can fray the wires and increase the risk of electric shock or electrical fire.”

Customer: “That’s stupid. I didn’t buy the toaster to protect me from fire. That’s what smoke detectors are for!”

This story is part of our “Customers so stupid they should not be alive” roundup!

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Read the “Customers so stupid they should not be alive” roundup!

Talk About A Long Weekend

, , , , | Right | September 22, 2009

Me: “Good afternoon, [Theme Park]. How can I help you?”

Caller: “Hello. Can I just ask when are your firework nights this year?”

Me: “They are on the 27th, 28th, and 29th October.”

Caller: “Okay… Are they all Saturdays?”

The CDs Are Full But The Mind Is Blank

, , , , | Right | September 22, 2009

Me: “All right, sir, I looked at your computer and it looks like you need to reinstall your office software before we can proceed.”

Customer: “Oh, okay.”

Me: “Can you show me where your software installation CDs are?”

Customer: “My what?”

Me: “The CDs that your office software came on when you first bought them.”

Customer: “Oh, I threw those out.”

Me: “Why? Was there something wrong with them?”

Customer: “No, of course not. I installed the software and then threw out the empty discs.”

This story is part of our Old People & Technology roundup.

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Getting On Your Nerves

, , , | Healthy Right | September 22, 2009

(I am a dentist about to give a patient a shot of local anesthetic).

Patient: “I hate needles. Will this hurt?”

Me: “Just concentrate on taking nice, deep breaths. It’ll be over before you know it.”

Patient: “Could you please tell me when you’re ready to give the shot? I need to know!”

Me: “Sure. I’ll give it on the count of three. Ready? One, two–”

Patient: *screams* “You’re killing me! It hurts so much!”

Me: “I haven’t actually given you the shot yet.”

Patient: “Oh. Well, um, I was just practicing for when you did.”

Hear No Evil, Get Blinded By No Evil

, , | Right | September 22, 2009

Me: “Can I help you, sir?”

Customer: “Yes, I’d like to change my room. I’m on the first floor and my window faces the outside, but I like to walk around naked with the curtains open.”

(I search his face for hint of a joke, but I see none; he seems completely serious.)

Me: “Of course, sir, I can put you on the fifth floor and make sure your window doesn’t face any other rooms.”

Customer: “Thank you, that’d be great!”

(I finish the room change and proceed to help the next customer.)

Me: *to the next customer* “Can I help you, sir?”

Next Customer: “Sorry, I just had visions of sugarplums dancing in my head…”