(I’m in the kitchen when I notice something odd about the chairs.)
Me: *yelling to next room* “Mom! Did you do something to the chairs?”
Mom: “I saw it in a magazine. They’re called Chair Socks!”
(I stare at the chairs, which are now wearing several pairs of Mom’s old socks over their tennis ball feet.)
Me: “I don’t think this is what they meant.”
(I’m on a date with my partner. We’re waiting at a bus stop when a guy hands each of us a small booklet with the title, “How Well Do You Know God?” and, both of us being atheists and transgender pansexual, we giggle a little.)
Me: *to my partner, in reference to the booklet title* “Well, we’re not exactly bros.”
(I am in my eighth-grade Spanish class, in our third year of taking it, and we have to give this little “presentation” where we have a conversation with our partner in Spanish, meant to be structured like an interview.)
Student #1: “Hola, me llamo [Student #1].” *Hi, my name is [Student #1].*
Student #2: “Hola, me llamo [Student #2].” *Hi, my name is [Student #2].*
Student #1: “¿Comó te llamas?” *What is your name?*
(The class exploded with laughter. The teacher looked like she wanted to bang her head against the desk.)
(One of the offices I assist remotely is allergic to doing troubleshooting that requires any amount of effort on their part, preferring to just replace everything any time there’s a problem, and charge it to the company. This is my favorite ticket from these guys:)
Ticket: “The printer downstairs in the south wing has a paper jam. I believe the best course of action would be to replace the printer.”
(I work at a grocery store, and I am at the checkout when two young adults come through my line with a big bottle of alcohol that they want to purchase. At my store, if we sell alcohol to minors, we are at a great risk of getting fired immediately.)
Me: *scans the bottle of alcohol* “All right, and may I see your ID?”
Customer: *gives me a blank stare* “Uh… I don’t have it with me. Do you think you would be able to let this one slide?”
Me: “Um, no, sir, I need to see your ID in order to sell you this alcohol.”
(The customer sighed and proceeded to pull out his ID and the money to pay for his alcohol. It turned out he was one year over the legal age limit, anyway.)
