(My husband and I are similar in appearance, and regularly visit a 24-hour cafe with friends. On a trip where it’s only the two of us, a waitress we know fairly well approaches us.)

Waitress: “Okay, I need to know. You’re always in together but always pay separately. Are you married, or brother and sister?”

Husband: “Married.”

(She promptly does a 180 and starts yelling at another employee.)

Waitress: “I TOLD YOU SO! I KNEW IT! I WIN!”

(Apparently there had been a bet going on. We both cracked up over it and I gave her a larger tip than usual.)

(I work in a department store’s shoe department. We have a display pair of shoes out on the sales floors for customers to see and we have the boxes for the shoes stored in our stockroom. On this day we have received a shipment of a couple dozen new styles of boots for the fall that I, since I am the only one scheduled on this busy day in the department, have not made displays for yet.)

Me: *notices a woman looking at some of the boots with an unhappy expression and goes up to her* “Hello, ma’am. Are you finding everything you are looking for today, or do you need any help?”

Customer: “Yes. I am looking for a tall, black leather boot that is on the plain side and I’d prefer it to be more dressy. I will be wearing it with leggings so I want it to be more form-fitted to my legs, but I can’t seem to find one like that here or anywhere!”

Me: “Actually, ma’am, we did get a shipment of new styles in this morning. Due to us being on the busy side I haven’t had a chance to put them on display yet, but I think they would be exactly what you are looking for. Would you like me to bring them out for you?”

(She nods and tells me the size. I go, pull them from the stock room, and show them to her.)

Customer: “Oh, my God! Those look like exactly what I want!”

(The rest of the interaction goes on with her trying on the shoes and talking about how perfect they would be with all her outfits. It goes very smoothly up until I go to check her out.)

Me: “So these boots are currently on sale for $79.99. I know the price is up there but [Coupon A] would take off 20%, [Coupon B] would take off 30%, and [Coupon C], if you add your $20 top you have in your cart, will take $50 off your entire purchase.”

Customer: *suddenly very agitated* “These boots shouldn’t be coming up for 80 bucks! They should be free!”

Me: *confused* “What do you mean they should be free?”

Customer: *rolling her eyes, with a mocking tone* “They don’t have a display with the price or tickets on them! They are not marked any price. That means they should be free!”

Me: “No, they do not have the price or ticket marking the price. But the ticket does not determine the price of the boots. Our system does, using the barcode on the box.” *points to the barcode with UPC on box* “That is why they are coming up about $80.”

(The customer snatches the box of boots and holds them to her body, gives me a death glare, and starts shouting.)

Customer: “I don’t care what your machine says! They should be free because they aren’t marked the price! Either you give them to me for free or I’m leaving!”

Me: *snatching the box back* “Well, I hope you have a great rest of the day, then!”

(I turned to return the boots to my stockroom. The woman just stood there in stunned silence with her mouth open. After a second she huffed and stomped away, never to be seen in shoes again.)

(I’ve just given a customer a price quote for material he wants to use on a project at his home.)

Customer: “I work for [Longtime Customer]. Can I get a discount? Whenever I have a personal project I try to throw his name out there because sometimes he gets discounts at places. Does he get a discount with you?”

(I think, HE gets a discount but YOU don’t.)

Me: *with my best customer service voice* “The price I quoted you is accurate, and we try to have the best prices in the area.”

(I guess I should try going to random stores and dropping the names of different people I know in the hopes I’ll eventually get a discount.)

(I am working at a national chain office supply store. There is a rewards card that gives points for each purchase, which earns special coupons, gift cards, etc. that are sent to the customer’s account. In order to use the rewards, customers have to either print the email or show it on their phone. Customers can look up their accounts on the website and they get email notifications when rewards are sent. It is against company policy for employees to access rewards accounts for customers. A customer is at the checkout, about to pay for furniture she is buying.)

Me: “…and your total is [amount].”

Customer: “Oh, no, I have my rewards card.”

(She hands me her card, and I scan it to apply the points to her account, then hand it back to her. She just stands there for a bit, so I repeat:)

Me: “Your total is [same amount].”

Customer: “What? I gave you my rewards card. Why didn’t the discount apply?”

Me: “Oh, sorry for the confusion. It’s not a discount card. When I scan it, the points from this purchase go to your account.”

Customer: “I know, but I think I have rewards to use.”

Me: “Do you have them with you?”

Customer: *getting annoyed* “NO! You SCANNED the CARD!”

Me: “Right, but the computer doesn’t read what rewards you have available. It just gives you the points from this transaction. If you got an email saying you have rewards to use, you can print it off, or show it on your phone if you have a smartphone.”

Customer: “No, thanks. You can just look it up for me.”

Me: “I’m not authorized to access your account.”

Customer: *smiling like it has suddenly become clear* “OHHH, okay! I authorize you.”

Me: “I mean I’m not allowed to because corporate says so; I could lose my job. And even if I was allowed, this computer isn’t able to do that.”

(It’s a computer that is only connected to the store’s internal network, not the Internet, and it is basically a cash register.)

Customer: “Fine! I’ll just go to [Competitor]!”

(A coworker and I had taken the furniture, which was very heavy, off of a high shelf from the back room and carried it up to the register at this customer’s request, so after she stormed out without buying it, we had to put it back.)

(I work at an extremely high-volume coffee shop where the line is almost always out the door. We have one regular customer who is extremely rude to both the cashiers and the baristas. We pretty much bend over backwards for her every time she comes in to avoid getting screamed at. For our regular customers we offer “loyalty cards,” and you get a stamp for each drink you purchase.)

Me: “Hi! How are you today?”

Customer: “Green tea.”

Me: “Okay, you like the tea hot, and in a mug, right?”

Customer: *doesn’t answer me, stares at her phone*

Me: “Okay, that will be $3.21”

Customer: *hands me her loyalty card and cash*

(I proceeded to stamp her loyalty card and give her back her change. She looks down at her loyalty card with a disgusted look on her face. It is obvious something is wrong, but she doesn’t say anything.)

Me: “I’m sorry, is anything wrong, ma’am?”

Customer: “I know that I had more stamps than this on my card. You gave me back the wrong one.”

Me: *very confused* “Okay, let me check the counter to make sure I didn’t accidentally swap cards.”

(I check.)

Me: “I’m really sorry, but there aren’t any other loyalty cards on the counter, and I always just stamp the card and give it right back. If you’d like, I can give you an extra stamp or two, since you come in so often?”

(She doesn’t respond and proceeds to stare at me. This goes on for about five very long seconds, until…)

Customer: “MY GREEN TEA!”

(I got her her tea, and later she hunted down my manager and let him know just how terrible my customer service was, and that she was swindled out of a loyalty card. As she was leaving, she stormed up to the register, demanded to know my name, and then wrote a very nasty review where she mentioned me by name. She still comes in a few times a week. I usually duck to the back and let someone else take her order.)