(I work the front desk at a hotel. One guest wants to leave early, but is not happy that she will be responsible for the rest of her stay. She has been making random complaints all night, no doubt to try and get a refund for her “awful” stay. This is my favorite complaint from her.)

Me: “Front desk.”

Guest: “The music at the outdoor bar is too loud. No one’s out there anyway, so tell them to turn it off.”

Me: “I will certainly ask them to turn it down for you.

Guest: *getting angry* “You mean to say you can’t TELL them? You have to ASK?”

Me: “Ma’am, I don’t have the authority to TELL anyone to do anything. Besides, we are not affiliated with that bar. The best I can do is ask them to turn their music down a bit.”

Guest: *laughs at me condescendingly, and spits a few insults before hanging up*

(The best part? The bar wasn’t playing any music.)

(I’m ringing out one of the last customers of the day, a seemingly nice, older lady.)

Lady: *under her breath* “You’re so lucky.”

(I ignore the comment because it didn’t seem directed at me.)

Lady: *now whispering* “So sexy.”

(I’m now terrified and start to go a little faster through the transaction.)

Lady: “Mine are so flat.” *gestures to her chest* “You’re so lucky.”

(Our uniforms aren’t exactly figure flattering, but that’s how a lady, with no warning or context, complimented me on my breasts in the middle of my work day.)

(We have a customer that will come in around the same time, after work, every other day. He is polite, but never makes chit-chat, always knows his order, says please and thank you, and never complains if there is a wait on anything if we are busy. On top of that, he always pays with a $20 on a $9 charge and leaves the change as a tip. For some reason, new waiters and waitresses don’t like serving him because they think he is intimidating, or rude. Most of the time they get over it, especially with the good tip and the realization that this is pretty much a perfect customer. Order, eat, leave. For some reason, he just enrages a new hire we have. She has already had attitude issues, disappeared on her third day for forty minutes on a half-day shift without telling anyone, and is just really standoffish. Nobody likes her, but we try to get along. One day, the new waitress stomps up to me with a red face and instantly starts ranting:)

New Waitress: “That guy is h***a rude; I asked how his day was and he said it was fine and gave me his order. He didn’t even try and ask how my day was going. He didn’t even look at me for more than a second when he was talking before going back to his book! So disrespectful; I’m not his servant!”

Me: “What? No! We love that guy.” *tells her about him* “Are you sure that’s him?” *points him out*

New Waitress: “Yeah, he’s rude. He isn’t going to get any refills or anything else from me! Rude a**hole! He’d better tip me like you say!”

(The customer never gets a refill of his drink and has to catch a passing busboy to get his bill. He doesn’t cause a scene, and to be honest I forget he’s there until I see him at the till.)

Me: “Was everything okay? How was your meal?”

Customer: “It was fine. I never got a refill on my drinks, and had to ask someone else for a bill, but the food was good, as always.”

Me: “Oh, I’m so sorry about that! Do you want to speak to a manager?”

Customer: “No, it’s fine; you didn’t do anything, but may I have my change?”

(He left without giving a tip. It was literally the first time anyone I know had seen him do that. The new waitress threw a fit, called us liars, and made a scene. The manager tried to calm her down and try and figure out what happened between her and the customer. After a lengthy rant at all of us for “tricking her and sticking her with an a**hole customer!” she tossed her apron down and left. Our customer came back, like clockwork, the day after, and was just as polite and courteous as always, and I got a huge tip. Thank you, Super-Customer, whose name I never got the whole time I saw you! You always made our day better AND you drove away a terrible employee!)

(Years ago, my aunt generously invited me, my two cousins — our age group was somewhere around five or six — and all our parents to come spend time with her and then to go to Disneyland. This was a very expensive gift from her, even decades ago. However, when we get there, my cousins decide they don’t want to go to Disneyland; they want to go to Magic Mountain. They start whining about it. I have never been to Magic Mountain OR Disneyland before, so I am curious about both. My cousins begin to whine so much that we are all asked separately:)

Aunt: “[Our Names], would you like to go to Disneyland, or Magic Mountain?”

All Of Us: “Magic Mountain.”

Aunt: “Well, you know, I’ve actually already paid for the tickets to Disneyland.”

(I apparently thought about that, then shrugged:)

Me: “Oh. I didn’t know that. Okay then, let’s go to Disneyland. I’d like to go to Disneyland too.”

Cousins: “I don’t care! Disneyland is for babies! We want to go to Magic Mountain!”

(My cousins whined and complained the entire time we were at Disneyland, about how boring it was, how it was for babies, and how Disneyland stunk. I do remember how even I got thoroughly sick of their complaining, and told my parents that I didn’t want to wait in line with my cousins anymore. I had a great time, and even got a stuffed toy and some activity books from one of the stores. My cousins complained so much, and hated the Disney trip so much that they didn’t get anything. Years later, I learned that while I was invited to visit my aunt and occasionally go to the various theme parks over the years — I’ve been to Disneyland, Universal Studios Hollywood, and Magic Mountain while growing up — my cousins were never invited back. It’s also a family saying to tell my cousins, “You would be bored at Disneyland, so stop complaining!”)

(I’m a manager at a local fast food burger joint. I am in the back office counting money when my drive-thru employee approaches me.)

Employee: “A customer drove up to the window and he is being very rude. I don’t know what to do, so I closed the window and came to get you.”

(I walk over to drive-thru and open the window.)

Me: “Hello, sir, what seems to be the problem?”

Customer: “As I was trying to explain to your worker, we have been sitting in drive-thru for fifteen minutes, and I ordered one small vanilla milkshake. I demand compensation for the long wait time.”

(He then begins to count everyone in his car.)

Customer: “There are five of us, so I think five free, large milkshakes is fair enough.”

(The way the customer has been talking to me, and the fact that he ordered only one small milkshake when he has four people with him, makes me suspicious that he is trying to get free food from us. Even so, giving him five large milkshakes is out of the question.)

Me: “I’m sorry, sir, but I can’t offer you five free milkshakes. I can give you your small one for free, and if you feel that isn’t enough, then you can email [Owner] about your complaint.”

Customer: “F*** YOU!”

(They speed off. The next customer pulls up. I take their money, and give them their food, along with the small vanilla milkshake that would have been thrown away.)

Me: “Have a free milkshake, courtesy of the customer ahead of you.”