Thy Laziness Knows No Bounds

, , , , | Right | July 31, 2008

Me: “Hi! This is [Restaurant]; how can I help you?”

Caller: “I’d like to order a delivery.”

Me: “I’m sorry, we don’t do deliveries.”

Caller: “So, you expect me to come all the way over… to eat your food?!”

Me: “Umm… yeah, if you want.”

Caller: “Goodbye!” *hangs up*


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All Hail Lord Konica

, | Right | July 30, 2008

Customer: “I need to make copies.”

Me: “Okay, that copier over there is free, and I just cleared the counter. You’re all set to copy.”

Customer: “But I need to use Konica.”

Me: “Well, another customer is using that machine right now. The other copier works just as well.”

Customer: “I need to use Konica. May I wait to use Konica?”

Me: “Uh, sure. Just come to the register when you’re done.”

(Ten minutes later, the customer using the Konica pays and leaves.)

Customer: “The Konica is free now. May I use Konica?”

Me: “Uh-huh.”

(The customer walks over to the Konica, places his palms together, juts his elbows out, and pray-bows in front of the machine while muttering. He then proceeds to make copies, pray-bows again, comes over to the register, pays, and leaves. We’ve since nicknamed him Acid Man.)

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Burned

, , , , , | Right | July 30, 2008

(I’m a high ropes instructor and work with kids in the forest. There are “No Smoking” signs posted all over the place, but I see a woman smoking right next to a sign.)

Me: “Ma’am, I’m sorry. There’s no smoking in this area.”

Customer: “Why not?”

Me: “Because it could start a fire.”

Customer: *snottily* “Well, I’ll make sure not to do that.”

Me: “Ma’am, you still can’t smoke in this area. There are children everywhere… the smoke’s not good for them.”

Customer: “Well, they’re my children, so it’s really my decision to make, isn’t it?”

Me: “Actually, as this is our property, it’s our decision. Please take your disgusting habit elsewhere.”

Customer: “Your FACE is disgusting.”

Me: “Well, ma’am, as soon as my face starts causing cancer, you can complain.”


This story is part of the More-Customers-Versus-Mother-Nature roundup!

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Speed Bumps With Name Tags

, , , , | Right | July 30, 2008

(I’m picking up overstock on the floor, and an elderly lady hits my heel with her shopping cart.)

Me: “Ow!”

(The elderly lady proceeds to RAM the shopping cart into my foot until she succeeds in rolling over it completely.)

Me: “OWW! OWWWWW!”

Elderly Lady: “Hmmm? Ehhh? Did I bump ya?”

Me: “You rammed right over my foot!”

Elderly Lady: “Well, it shouldn’t be on the floor.”

Me: “…I’m going on my break.”

(Turned out she bruised a bone in my foot and tore a ligament by ramming into it.)


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If It’s So Easy, Do It Yourself

, , , , | Right | July 30, 2008

(We get a phone call on a Thursday night in December, the busiest season in catering.)

Customer: “May I speak to the owner?”

Me: “This is the owner. How may I help you?”

Customer: “NO, I mean the guy who is the owner.”

Me: “That’s my husband. I’m sorry, he is busy at the moment. Is there something I can help you with?”

Customer: “I need a catering menu emailed.”

Me: “I can certainly do that for you. When is your event?”

Customer: “Saturday.”

Me: “This Saturday? Like two days from now?”

Customer: “Yes.”

Me: “Well, I apologize but we are completely booked for this Saturday.”

Customer: “That’s why I wanted to talk to the other owner. I spoke to him two weeks ago and he said you were not booked.”

Me: “We weren’t booked two weeks ago, but we are now.”

Customer: “Well, I’ve already sent out the invitations, and I need food for my party.”

Me: “I’m sorry, but we are completely booked. We already have three large parties, and we just couldn’t possibly take on a fourth.”

Customer: “Can you recommend another caterer?”

Me: “Not really. I’ve never used another caterer, so I can’t recommend one.”

Customer: “Haven’t you ever been to a party catered by another caterer?”

Me: “We’re caterers. We don’t go to parties. We work at other people’s parties.”

Customer: “IT’S ONLY TWENTY-FIVE PEOPLE!”

Me: “Um… okay.”

Customer: “You said you have three parties. Couldn’t you just make enough extra food for 25 people and come over and serve it?”

Me: “You mean cater the party?”

Customer: “No, just make some food and bring it over and serve it, and clean up afterward. It’s fairly easy, isn’t it?”

(I adore it when people tell me my sixteen-hour-a-day job is easy.)

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