(By some miracle, I find myself in a polite, intelligent, and coherent conversation regarding gun control. The topic drifts into people overreacting to seeing the words “gun control” at all, and then on to terrible gun jokes, such as how “AK” and “AR” mean the guns are from Alaska and Arkansas. A new person enters the chat room.)

Me: “That’s why gun control is so important; it keeps geography intact!”

New Person: “Not this f****** conversation again!”

(He promptly exited the chat room as we went back to laughing about people overreacting to seeing the words “gun control” at all.)

(I’m running an inflatable bouncy house for a small town carnival. I’ve only just started working with the company who does the inflatables, but apparently we did the same carnival the year before and had some trouble with the lady in charge. She hadn’t paid the extra fee to use one of our generators, and supplied no power source of her own, so there had been difficulties getting set up. They wound up giving her the generator for free. This year she does the same thing again and just expects us to provide her the free service. It’s important to note that I DIDN’T KNOW ANY OF THIS BEFOREHAND.)

Client: *walks up behind me and suddenly speaks very loudly, startling me* “So, what’s your game plan? How are you setting these up?”

(Note that I am not technically on the clock yet. I am just hanging out by the setup area to keep an eye on company property while our setup guys go to get extension cords.)

Me: “Oh, hi! I’m actually not sure yet. I just got here, but the guys just went to buy extension cords.”

Client: *disdainfully* “Oh. So, you didn’t have them in your truck? Last year they just gave me a generator.”

Me: “Oh… okay? I’m not sure what they’ve got going on, but they should be back soon.”

Client: *suddenly angry* “Well, you had better be set up by noon! Last year you were an hour and a half late setting up and I swore I would never hire you again!”

Me: *staring at her in shock because I have no idea what’s going on*

Client: “When they get back, you tell them the ‘mean lady’ said they’d BETTER. BE. READY. BY. NOON.” *storms off*

I work with third graders as a teacher’s aide. Every week I take a few of them to a separate classroom at lunchtime and work with them on goal setting. One day I have a meeting with my boss that goes over lunch time, so I am a few minutes late getting my kids from the cafeteria. I tell them it’s my boss’s fault and they should tell him, “Shame on you.” When we get back to the classroom, my boss has left, so we get started and I forget about it.

Ten minutes later, the door opens and my boss walks in. Suddenly, in perfect unison, my students turn, point, and scream, “SHAME!”

That pretty much ruins the students’ ability to focus for the rest of the period, but it is worth it to see the terror and confusion on my boss’s face.

(I’ve struggled with disordered eating since I was fairly young; it flares up any time I get stressed and can last anywhere from just a few days to as long as a year. People who learn about my issues with food rarely take them seriously because I am overweight; I’m 5’5”, about 165 pounds, and a US size 12. At the time of this story I have been in college for about a year and am in the middle of a rough patch, and I decide to go to the university health center to seek help.)

Me: “I think I might have an eating disorder. Whenever I’m experiencing a lot of stress, I stop eating and spend all of my time in the gym.”

Doctor: *laughs* “I wish I had that problem! When I’m stressed, I head straight for the cookies! So, what brings you in here today?”

Me: “Uh… That’s why I’m here. I’m worried that I might have a problem because I starve myself.”

Doctor: *laughing again* “I hardly think you need to worry about that! A little less food and a little more exercise can only do you good!”

Me: “I… Are you sure? I mean, I’ve eaten two bagels in the last week.”

Doctor: “See, that’s your real problem! Carbs go straight to your gut, you know.”

Me: “I don’t think you understand; all I’ve eaten in the past seven days is two bagels. I tried to eat a sandwich yesterday, but I got so anxious I couldn’t swallow. I really think something is wrong.”

Doctor: “Well, if I were you, I’d try the Keto diet. It works great, and you’ll be in shape in no time!”

(I gave up then and asked her about some bruising on my limbs, for which she recommended iron supplements and weight loss. Fortunately, my roommate noticed my disordered eating a few days later and put me in touch with a local counseling clinic, where I got some actual help.)

(I am having a rather large yard sale and am running around setting stuff up and trying to answer questions. An older woman flags me down, who is looking at a small “as-seen-on-TV,” easy-clean fish tank.)

Woman: “Hey, excuse me!”

Me: “Yes, how can I help you?”

Woman: “Does this tank include the fish?”

(I look down at the completely waterless fish tank sitting on the table with the few parts for it inside.)

Me: “Uh… no, but all the parts are there.”

Woman: “Okay, thanks… I was going to get it for my grandson, but it’s useless without the fish.”

(I had no problem selling it, even though the fish were not included.)

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