The Following Stupidity Takes Place In Real Time

, , , , | Right | December 28, 2010

(A very intoxicated guest walks in at night.)

Me: “Good evening. How can I help you?”

Guest: “I lost the key to my room.”

Me: “Do you have your photo ID?”

Guest: “No, I lost it. My room number is 4321.”

(Our highest room number is 558.)

Me: “What is the name on the room?”

Guest: “Jack. Jack Bauer.”

Me: “We don’t have a Mr. Bauer staying with us tonight.”

Guest: “That’s ridiculous! Jack Bauer fights terrorism everywhere! All the time!”

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A Positive Ending

, , , , | Right | December 28, 2010

(A guest comes through my line with a four-pack of AA batteries and an energy drink called Assault. He is trying not to giggle during the transaction.)

Me: “Here is your receipt. Have a great day!”

Customer: “Guess what?”

Me: “What?”

Customer: “You just charged me for Assault and battery!” *grabs his bag and sprints out of the store*

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Mouse To Mouse Resuscitation

, , , , | Right | December 28, 2010

(An irate customer comes flying through the door and slams a soaking wet, dead hamster on the counter. I recognize her as a woman I had sold a hamster to an hour ago.)

Me: “Oh, my goodness! What happened?!”

Customer: “I took this hamster home and he didn’t even live ten minutes!”

Me: “Why is he all wet?”

Customer: “From being in the aquarium! He swam for a while, but then he just dropped dead!

Me: “I’m sorry, are you telling me you put him in an aquarium full of water?”

Customer: “You told me hamsters can live in aquariums! You said I didn’t need to buy a cage specifically for hamsters!”

Me: “Hamsters can live in an aquarium, but not in water! When you were picking him out didn’t you notice the others are in empty aquariums with bedding?”

Customer: “You told me he could live in an aquarium! I demand a new hamster! One that is alive!”

Me: “I really don’t think any of our animals are going to work out for you.”

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This Is Why We’re In A Recession, Part 7

, , , , , , , | Right | December 27, 2010

Caller: “Hi, I saw a car online and wanted some info on it.”

Me: “Sure, let me tell you all about it. Do you have a pen?”

Caller: “Yeah, 4351.”

Me: “What’s that?”

Caller: “My PIN.”

Me: “To your bank account?!”

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Not So Smart-Phone, Part 2

, , , | Right | December 27, 2010

Caller: “How do I make a call from this touch-screen phone? I can’t figure it out.”

Me: “Are you calling from the device?”

Caller: “Yes.”

Me: “Repeat what you did, but with a different number.”

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