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The Police Like To Check In Regularly

, , , , , , | Legal | December 3, 2018

(I am a cashier on a busy Saturday. A woman approaches my till and begins placing numerous items on the belt. I scan them, and the total is well over $200.)

Customer: “I would like to pay with a check.”

Me: “No problem. Can I please see you ID?”

Customer: “Oh, it is stuck in my wallet and really hard to get out.”

Me: “I understand.” *though I think it’s strange* “Can you write your ID number on the top of the check?”

(The woman begins to fill out her check and write the ID number for me as I scan the last of her items. Suddenly, I feel someone staring at me intently. I look up slowly, and standing directly behind the woman is a police officer. He holds his finger to his lips to keep me silent and motions for me to continue with the transaction.)

Me: “Okay.” *trying to act normal* “Your total is [over $200].”

(As the woman hands me the check, [Police Officer #1] grabs her and immediately handcuffs her. I stand absolutely still, having no idea what on earth is happening. Then I hear yelling from the left and see [Police Officer #2] coming up with a gun drawn!)

Police Officer #2: *to a man a few customers down in my line* “Down on the ground! Now!”

Police Officer #1: *to me* “Ma’am, please finish ringing up these items, close your line, and give me the receipt.”

(I immediately did so, turned off my light, and motioned for the manager to come over. I explained the situation as best I could and everyone dissipated from my line. The police officer returned to get my information and a brief statement. He then shared with me that this woman and her boyfriend had just used a fraudulent check at the department store next door and were planning on doing the same here. She and her accomplice were arrested, and for the next hour or so, every customer stood in my line to hear all about the scary arrest. Bonus points to me: despite the activity, my till was perfect. I got a cookie!)

“Being Fat Makes You Diabetic” And Other Urban Legends Only Believed By Idiots

, , , , , | Working | December 3, 2018

(My mother had gestational diabetes when she was pregnant with me and my older brother. It is basically a form of diabetes that only affects pregnant women if their bodies cannot produce enough insulin due to the pregnancy. She needed to use insulin and a meter to manage her blood sugar. While she is getting used to the meter and insulin, an old friend wants to go out for lunch together to catch up. By this point in her pregnancy she is visibly pregnant, and this is the first time my mother needs to take her insulin with her in public. They go to a local family-owned diner and catch up. My mother checks her blood sugar while her friend steps out to go to the bathroom. She decides she needs insulin and takes the needle out of her purse, when suddenly:)

Waitress: *snatches needle and throws it on the floor* “What do you think you’re doing?! YOU. ARE. A. MOTHER. Don’t you care about your child? Don’t you have any shame, you junkie piece of s***?”

(My mother is speechless. Some other patrons notice the commotion and start watching.)

Mom: “I’m not an addict; this is my insulin. I’m diabetic, and I need it because—”

(Suddenly a man appears. He seems to be a manager.)

Manager: “[Waitress], don’t bother. She’s diabetic. So she isn’t pregnant, she’s just obese.”

(By this point my mom was panicking. She needed her insulin, everyone was staring, and the waitress and manager were hurling insults at her. Fortunately, her friend came out of the bathroom and saw my mother crying. After shooting the waitress and manager a dirty look, she went over to the table, took my mother’s hand, and led her out of the restaurant. My mother’s friend refused to pay the restaurant anything and helped my mother prepare another shot in the car before they went home. My mother was so embarrassed that she didn’t want to talk about what happened to anyone. She didn’t even tell my dad until years later. My family moved to a different town after my brother was born, so we don’t know if anything happened to the diner or its staff.)


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New PSA: Instructions Only Work When Followed

, , , , | Right | December 3, 2018

(I use to work as a volunteer for an online gaming community, and would sometimes assist both in-game and at the official game chat room.)

Gamer: “Help! The NPCs aren’t rendering properly. All the characters look like blobs!”

Me: “Okay. This has been happening to some people lately. Delete the files that end in [XYZ] extension and when you restart the game they’ll be recreated.”

Gamer: “Okay!”

(A while later:)

Gamer: “Oh, my god! NOTHING IS WORKING! I deleted all the files and now the game won’t load!”

Me: “…I said to delete the files that ended in [XYZ].”

Gamer: “This is your fault!”

(Sadly this wasn’t the first time a gamer deleted ALL of their files vs. just the ones they were told to delete. But they still felt it was our fault that they couldn’t read instructions properly, so… Eventually, the company that made the game ordered us to stop giving any technical assistance.)

Up-Charging Goes Downhill

, , , , | Right | December 3, 2018

(At this sandwich shop, you can substitute bottled drinks (water, juice, milk, etc.) for a fountain drink when purchasing a meal deal, for a small up-charge. The following takes place as the customer is paying for her food.)

Customer: “Can you get milk with the meal deal?”

Me: “Yes, of course. It is just [price] extra.”

Customer: “Oh, okay.”

Me: “So do you want milk with your meal deal today?”

Customer: *fuming* “Why would you ask that?! Do you think I’m fat or something?!”

Me: *horrified* “No! You just asked about getting milk with the meal. I was just seeing if that’s what you wanted to do!”

Customer: *back to normal* “Oh, okay! No, I don’t want milk.”

Their Criticism Of You Is Very Animated

, , , , | Learning | December 3, 2018

(My teacher assigns our class a project using a clunky slide-making app that barely functions on a good day. I ask her if I can draw an animation instead of the slide project, and I use one of my YouTube videos as an example of the work I can do. She agrees, but says I have to work in the back of the classroom, and I must record my audio at home. The next day, I have recorded the audio, but I still need to match it to my animation, and draw more stills. When my teacher finishes with the day’s lesson, she tells us we can work on the slide project, or catch up on other schoolwork, so I take my phone and headphones and sit in the very back of the classroom to finish my animation. Several rows away, a new classroom assistant is helping a small group of her own students work on the project.)

Classroom Assistant: *walking towards me angrily, and pointing* “YOU! You put your phone down. Now! You’re supposed to be doing your work!”

Me: “I am, Miss [Assistant]. I’m making sure the audio matches my animation.”

Classroom Assistant: “Pffft. You’re just listening to music. Headphones off! Now.”

Me: *takes out an earphone* “Ma’am, I’m using [popular free animation app], not listening to music.”

Classroom Assistant: *looking over my shoulder* “Really? What’s that moving at the bottom of the screen?”

Me: “The audio track that goes with the animation.” *shows her my last drawing*

Classroom Assistant: “You’re just drawing! That is not an animation!”

Me: “What?! How… How, exactly, do you think animations are made?!”

Classroom Assistant: *ignoring me* “Hmph! Well, we’ll see what your teacher says about this!”

(The assistant scoffs again, and takes my phone directly from my hands! She then walks through the middle of the classroom to hand it to my teacher. Many of my classmates have already stopped working completely, and are whispering among themselves, wondering what was going on.)

Classroom Assistant: *loudly* “[My Name] is not working on the slide project! She’s just drawing things on her phone!”

Teacher: *calmly* “Yes. I told her she may animate her project, instead of using the slide app. ‘Drawing things’ is how animations are made. You know, drawing the same thing, with small differences in each drawing, a thousand times or so? Now, give [My Name] her phone back… *pauses* “Actually…” *a little louder* “[My Name]! Come to my desk, please?”

(I walk over to her desk, where the assistant looks at me smugly. I smile, knowing what my teacher will say.)

Me: “Yes, Miss [Teacher]? What’s going on?”

Teacher: “This is a really cool app; how does it work?” *looks at the assistant* “Oh, [Classroom Assistant], you’re still here? Your students need your help.”

Classroom Assistant: *visibly deflates and walks away*

(My teacher handed me my phone, and we started going through the animation for her lesson. I told her about the animation style I chose to use, and explained how the app works. As I showed off some of my favorite features, she downloaded it onto her own phone. The classroom assistant has tried since then to get reassigned to a different group of students.)