Mmm, Pasty Nerds

, , , , | Right | June 3, 2008

(A woman in her forties walks in…)

Customer: “I’d like $5 worth of games for a Nintendo DS and the system itself. This should cover it all.”

(The customer puts $20 on the counter.)

Me: “I’m sorry. We don’t have any DS games for five bucks, and if you want a DS, you’re about sixty-five dollars short… $115 if you want a new one.”

Customer: “…”

Me: “Is there anything else I can help you with?”

Customer: “[Toy Store Chain] has them for $15. You should price match.”

Me: “Ma’am, we do not price match here, and even if we did, I’m only a seasonal employee and wouldn’t likely be allowed to.”

Customer: *screaming* “Let me speak to your manager!”

Me: “All right…”

(I go to get manager from the back room. She explains the situation. BTW, I’m a woman myself.)

Customer: “THIS IS DISCRIMINATION! YOU AREN’T GIVING ME FAIR TREATMENT BECAUSE I’M NOT A FAT, PASTY NERD THAT KNOWS THINGS LIKE YOU TWO! AND BECAUSE I’M A WOMAN!”

Manager: “I’d like you to leave the store, please.”

Customer: “FINE! NERDS!”


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The Not-So-Difficult Art Of Misdirection

, , , , , | Right | June 3, 2008

Me: “Hello, [Fencing Club].”

Customer: “Hi, I’m looking for some galvanized pipe.”

Me: “I’m sorry, I think you may be confused. This is a fencing club… You know, the sport. We don’t actually make fences.”

Customer: “Oh… You see, I’m making a cage for a parrot. Do you have any galvanized pipe?”

Me: “No, I don’t think you understand. We don’t have material for building fences; we do sword fighting here. It’s a sport. Foils, epees, sabres.”

Customer: “Oh, okay… It needs to be galvanized so that it won’t chip if the parrot bites it.”

Me: “I don’t think you’re following me. We don’t build fences here, and we don’t have pipe.”

Customer: “Oh, I see… You see, I need to make the cage for a movie set, and it needs to be galvanized so that it doesn’t chip if the parrot bites it.”

Me: *giving up* “Galvanized pipe, you say?”

Customer: “Yeah.”

Me: “Try the Soccer Centre.”

Customer: “The Soccer Centre?”

Me: “Yeah, the Soccer Centre.”

Customer: “Thank you!”

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Cool Bosses Make All The Difference

, , , | Right | June 2, 2008

Deli Customer: “I’d like the Italian, please.”

Me: “Would you like any condiments on that? Spicy relish, oil?”

Customer: “Yes, I’d like both, please.”

(I finish making the hoagie and ring up the price which is now $3.20 with the extra condiments.)

Customer: “Last time I was here, my hoagie was $2.75.”

Me: “Actually, that’s the price of the regular Italian hoagie. Is that what you wanted instead of the Super Italian?”

Customer: “No, I wanted the Super.”

Me: “Well, the Super is $3.00, and with the spicy relish and oil your total comes to $3.20.”

Customer: *angrily* “Last time it was $2.75!”

(She walks off to the counter to pay, and complains to the assistant manager.)

Assistant Manager: “She says she’s coming in tomorrow to complain about you to [Owner].”

Me: “Oh, great…”

(The next day…)

Owner: “You made sure she wanted the Super Italian?”

Me: “Yes.”

Owner: “And you made sure you checked that you added up the price right?”

Me: “Yes… so what do you think?”

Owner: “Psht, f*** her!”

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I’m So Smrt, I Dn’t Hve To Raed

, , , , | Right | June 2, 2008

(A library patron comes to the desk with her laptop.)

Patron: “I’m having problems getting on the Internet.”

Me: “Well, if you’re connecting wirelessly, you need to log on to our network with your email address–”

Patron: “I know that! I’m not stupid. I put in my email and password and it won’t connect me!”

Me: “Okay, why don’t you try and log in here, and I’ll see if I can help.”

Patron: *logs on* “See! I enter everything and then it says Not Connecting You To The Internet. It’s been doing this for the past half hour… I keep closing it and trying again!”

Me: “Uh, that says Now Connecting You To The Internet…”

Patron: “No it doesn’t! It says Not Connecting You To The Internet!”

Me: “What’s that word?”

Patron:Now!”

Me: “And the others?”

Patron:Connecting You To The… erm. I have to go now.”


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Your Urgency Is Not My Emergency

, , , , | Legal | June 1, 2008

Me: “9-1-1, what’s your emergency?”

Caller: “My phone’s been shut off and the only number I can call is 9-1-1.”

Me: “Are you calling about your phone being shut off or do you have an emergency?”

Caller: “My phone. I paid my bill. It should be working.”

Me: “You’ll have to take that up with the phone company.”

Caller: “Well, can you tell them to turn it back on? I paid my bill.”

Me: “No, you’ll need to contact them. This is the police department and this is an emergency line. I’m going to have to disconnect the call. You need to contact the phone company to get your phone turned back on.”

Caller: “But my phone’s not working! I need it fixed now!”

Me: “I’m sorry. This is the police department. We can’t fix your phone. You’ll need to hang up and contact your phone company. We can’t do anything about your phone.”

Caller: “Well, that’s not right! I need help. My phone isn’t working and what if I need it? What if I have an emergency?”

Me: “You just dialed 9-1-1.”


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