Financial Loaves And Fishes

, , , , | Right | January 9, 2009

Customer: “There seems to be a problem with my ATM card. I can’t get any money out.”

Me: “Hold on, let me check your account… you only have $3.35 in your bank account.”

Customer: “Okay, so how do we fix that?”

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The Elves Didn’t Meet Quota This Year

, , , , , | Right | January 9, 2009

Me: “Hi, thank you for calling [Store]. My name is [My Name]. How may I help you?”

Customer: “Yes, ma’am, I was wondering if you had any Mario Karts?”

Me: “For the Nintendo Wii? No, ma’am, we are currently sold out.”

Customer: “Okay, but are you sure you don’t have any stocked up in the back that you’re ‘holding’ for someone?”

Me: “No, ma’am. We have none in stock whatsoever.”

Customer: “Well, I don’t think you’re helping me out too much with this sale.”

Me: “Ma’am? There’s not really much I can do.”

Customer: “No, I don’t think you UNDERSTAND. It is IMPERATIVE that I get this game for Christmas. You DO know what that means, right?”

Me: “I’m fully capable of understanding a four-syllable word, ma’am. However, that game has been a very hot item this Christmas, and has been nearly impossible to find. Im-poss-i-ble. You DO know what that means, right?”

Customer: “WHY DON’T YOU GO ABOVE AND BEYOND FOR YOUR CUSTOMERS?”

Me: “Ma’am, what more can I possibly do? We don’t have any physically in the store.”

Customer: “Well, thanks a lot! Now you’re gonna make me look like a bad Santa in front of my children!”

Me: “Ma’am, a good Santa wouldn’t have waited two days before Christmas.”


This story is part of the Mario-themed roundup!

Read the next Mario-themed roundup story!

Read the Mario-themed roundup!


This story is part of the Christmas Eve roundup!

Read the next Christmas Eve roundup story!

Read the Christmas Eve roundup!

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Beefed-Up Technology

, , , , | Right | January 9, 2009

(I am a customer at a cell phone store, observing the following exchange.)

Employee: “I’m sorry, sir, but your phone has water damage, which isn’t covered by the warranty. You will have to purchase a new phone.”

Customer: “That’s ridiculous! I haven’t gotten the phone wet!”

Employee: “Have you used the phone in the rain? Sometimes, that’s all it takes to get the internals wet enough to damage the device.”

Customer: “Well, yes, but that doesn’t make any sense! Cows are in the rain all the time and they don’t die!”

Employee: “…”

Me: *interjecting* “Sir, cows aren’t electronic devices.”

Customer: *storms out*

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South Paw Prophecy

, , , | Right | January 8, 2009

Me: “Hello there, how may I help you?”

Customer: “I would like a refund on this item, please.”

Me: “Okay, no problem, sir.”

(I start filling out a refund sheet.)

Customer: “Oh! I see that you’re left-handed!”

Me: “Yep!”

Customer: “I pity you…”

Me: “Um… and why should I be pitied, exactly?”

Customer: “How long did your parents live?”

Me: “Er… both of my parents are very much alive, sir.”

Customer: “Oh? What about your grandparents?”

Me: “I saw them a few days ago. They’re alive too, and in great health.”

Customer: “How old are they?”

Me: *telling him their ages* “They’re in great shape.”

Customer: “Then you will die at the age of 70!”

Me: “Here’s your refund, sir…”

Customer: “I wish it weren’t so… good luck to you.”

Me: “Okay…”

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Petrol Perception

, , , , | Right | January 8, 2009

Customer: “Your pumps are a lot slower than they used to be. It never used to take this long to pump $20 of gas.”

Me: “The pump speed hasn’t decreased; it just takes longer to get to $20 now that the price of gas is half what it used to be.”

Customer: “Well, I wish it would go up again so I could fill up faster!”

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