(My mother is a wonderful, energetic person who loves helping others. Unfortunately, she also has a tendency to take on way too much and to make things far more difficult than they need to be, while refusing to acknowledge she does this. When I become engaged, and the wedding planning begins, she constantly begs for me to give her things to do. At one point, I tell her I’m making the flower arrangements by hand out of fake flowers, and that my soon-to-be mother-in-law and sister-in-law have offered to help with them whenever I need them. My mother becomes so excited and keeps insisting that we should come visit her house — five hours away — and do the flowers together there. I tell her it’s a great idea, if everyone has a free weekend and doesn’t mind the drive. I ask her to handle coordinating dates with the others where we can all get together. Predictably:)

Mom: “You need to ask the others when they are free and get back to me, and I’ll see when I’m free also, so we can plan a flower-power weekend!”

Me: “Mom, I asked you to do that; don’t you have their numbers? Ask them yourself. It’s a little weird for me to ask them when they’re available and then relay the information back to you. You already have the dates I’m free, and I don’t have time right now to figure out scheduling with everyone. I’m crazy busy doing overtime at work, and wedding stuff when I’m finally home with [Fiancé].”

Mom: “Well, can’t you just ask them and let me know, anyway?”

Me: “No. I asked you to do it; I already said I don’t have time. You wanted to help; this is how you can help. Please, just do it yourself.”

Mom: “Fine. But it would be way easier for me if you just told me when they were free, also!”

(And… you guessed it, the meeting never happens, because my mom never contacts them. I show her how to do group conversations via text and Facebook, even go so far as to set them up for her, and also give her their emails to help her coordinate it, but she never does. I refuse to do it for her as I am so busy and don’t want to hold her hand constantly through what should be an easy process. I eventually HAVE to get the flowers done, so I invite my in-laws to my apartment during a spare weekend we all have, instead of driving hours to my mom’s house. My mom finally responds to my group text invite, after the weekend has passed and she didn’t show. She tells me she was “getting to it” and is mad I “took her job away from her,” and she demands that I now give her other jobs to do, instead. So, I give her a small list of easy things to do, thinking that maybe she just got anxiety about not knowing my future in-laws. I give her this list five months before the wedding. I don’t hear anything from her about the list except, “I’m working on it.” Two months before the wedding:)

Me: “Hi! How’s that list coming? I can’t wait to see your dress!”

Mom: “Oh, I haven’t gotten a dress yet. I want to lose a few more pounds.”

Me: “Oh… Well, do you have one in mind at least? The wedding is really soon, and you need to get one early.”

Mom: “Nope, I haven’t really looked yet.”

Me: “Oh, too busy with the list? I’m sorry, maybe I should’ve given you a smaller one—“

Mom: “No! You didn’t give me enough to do! What else can I do to help?! I want to help!”

Me: “Wow! You finished the whole list? Can you send me pictures? I want to know how it all looks!”

Mom: “Well, I didn’t have a chance to do [item #1] yet.”

Me: “That’s okay; it’s the biggest project I gave you. Do you have it mostly set up? I bet [Aunt] can help if you need extra hands—“

Mom: “No, I haven’t started it at all yet. Or [Item #2 or #3 or #4].”

Me: *long pause* “You haven’t done any of them?”

Mom: “Not yet! I haven’t had time! So, what else can I help with?”

Me: “…”

(Understandably, I was furious that she hadn’t done a thing yet, but was telling me to give her more to do. I quickly called my dad and told him how upset I was and what was going on. Somehow, he got her to realize how little time was left, and she did get it all done! But not without giving me way more anxiety and stress than I needed to have!)

I had a customer call and ask for pricing to make a key for a motorcycle. He brought it in an hour or two later and dropped it off. A lot of locksmiths just simply don’t deal with motorcycles because of the hassle, and we were one of maybe two companies that did within at least a 30-mile radius.

I was usually the guy that got to do these, because I was pretty quick at it. I made a key for the bike, called the guy, and he came and got it.

That night on the news, there was a story about a local Craigslist sale where a guy met another guy to make a sale and got murdered… for a motorcycle. The pics they showed on the news looked exactly like the one I had made a key for.

I called the police when I got to work the next morning and told them about it, and gave them the name and number that the guy had given me when he dropped it off.

So, the guy not only took a stolen bike that was taken in a murder to a local shop, it turned out that he ended up calling the police and talking about buying the bike. Perhaps it was initially to try and cast suspicion away from himself, but he ended up confessing to it.

I just found out today that I won’t be testifying at his trial because he just plead out to 60 years in prison, and therefore won’t be having a trial.

(I work in a bookstore in customer service. I restocking a shelf when a customer possibly in her mid-20s approaches me for assistance finding a book.)

Me: “What can I help you find today?”

Customer: *currently browsing self-help books* “I’m looking for a present for my boyfriend.”

Me: “Did you have something specific in mind, or were you looking for recommendations?”

Customer: “Recommendations. I want something either for teenagers or adults. And it can be nonfiction or fiction. And preferably religious or non-religious. And that has a male protagonist. And it can be sci-fi, fantasy, or realistic. And it can either be a series or a single book.”

(So, basically the whole store.)

Me: “And how old is your boyfriend?”

Customer: “He’s a teenager.”

Me: “I can show you some of our more popular teen fiction series. Here’s one I’ve read that is my favorite and has a strong male lead.”

Customer: “He’s 25. Is this religious?”

Me: “Oh, uh, then he might not enjoy the teen fiction section. But we are the same age, and I still like some of them, particularly the one I showed you. I can show you our religion section, though. If you want something religious, it would be there. Is that something he’s interested in?”

Customer: “No. I don’t want religious, but I do. You know?”

(She takes the young adult books I recommended and follows me to the religion section, constantly mumbling to herself and repeating, “I don’t know,” under her breath and laughing.)

Me: “Here’s our selection of religious books. I’m not familiar with my titles in this section, but can find someone better equipped to help you.”

Customer: “No, no. This is not what I want. I don’t want this. Take me back to the other section.”

(I took her back to our young adult fiction section and let her browse, but told to let me know if she had any questions. I saw her later asking a coworker if a different book from our teen fiction section was religious. The worker told her no, and she screamed, “I don’t want religious!” loud enough for other customers to stop and stare. She walked away looking confused and ended up buying him a Bible.)

(I work at a bank. A different branch has a coin counter for its account holders. We are a very small location without a coin counter, located in a mall. Policy says we aren’t allowed to accept loose change over $10 — only rolled coins — and we have a sign up saying this. A customer enters the store with his daughter, carrying a large pickle jar full of coins, and asks for it to be exchanged for paper money. When the teller explains policy, he asks to speak to me.)

Me: “I’m sorry, but we just aren’t allowed to take large volumes of coins. There is a coin counter at [Nearby Branch], or if you give me your account information I can give you free coin rolls.”

Customer: “I don’t have an account.”

Me: “Then I’m afraid you’ll have to purchase coin rolls. They sell them at the dollar store.”

Customer: “Why don’t you just count the f****** coins and do your job?”

Me: “That’s hours of work we just won’t do for someone who isn’t an account holder. I know there’s a [Coin-Counting Machine] at the local grocery store.”

Customer: “I’m not paying a fee to get this changed to folding money! So what? My money just isn’t good here?”

Me: “You’re not purchasing anything, and I’m not obligated to do a tender exchange for someone who isn’t a customer. You can visit [Branch] and see if they will let you use their coin counter.”

Daughter: “You don’t need a coin counter; just weigh the coins.”

Me: “It doesn’t work that way.”

Daughter: “Yeah, if you weigh the coins, you can tell how much is in it.”

Me: “No. Coins weigh different amounts, so you can’t tell by weighing a mixed jar how much value it has.”

Daughter: “Yeah! I Googled it, just right now. Five pounds of coins is like, forty dollars. You should give me eighty dollars for this.”

(She has been standing there the whole time, and in no way has Googled anything.)

Me: “No. It really doesn’t work that way.”

Customer: “Fine! I don’t need this bulls***!”

(He slammed the jar onto the counter and stormed off. We left it there for an hour, then turned it over to mall security. After ninety days, they declared it abandoned, and a security guard went through the jar. Mixed in with the coins were lead slugs. Despite this, when he actually rolled the coins, they amounted to about $170. They donated this to the same charity that coins in the fountain go to. All we can figure is it was a ridiculously poorly thought-out scam.)

(I answer the phone on Saturday:)

Me: “Hello. [Vet Clinic]. This is [My Name]; how can I help you?”

Client: “I think I need to bring my dog in to see you guys.”

Me: “Of course. What is your dog’s name, and your last name?”

Client: “Bruiser Jones.”

(I pull up Bruiser’s file and see that his annual examination, vaccines, and routine testing were all due yesterday.)

Me: “It looks like it’s time for Bruiser’s annual exam, vaccines, and heartworm test; is that what you wanted to come in for?”

Client: “Yes.”

Me: “Okay, when would you like to come in?”

Client: “Monday afternoon, if that’s possible.”

Me: “We can do Bruiser’s annual on Monday at 3:00 with [Doctor he has seen before]. How is that?”

Client: “I’ll take it.”

Me: “Okay, I’ve got you down. Bruiser is doing well, right, no concerns?”

Client: “Well, he’s coughing. That’s why I called you.”

Me: “Oh, that sounds like something we should check out. [Doctor] can still see you, but we only vaccinate healthy pets; if they’re already sick we don’t want to make their immune systems work even harder by giving them a bunch of vaccines. So, we can take care of the cough, but the annual exam and vaccines will have to wait a couple of weeks until Bruiser is feeling better.”

Client: “I wasn’t going to do the vaccines until January, anyway; I can’t afford them right now, what with the holidays coming up.”

Me: “Okay. Bruiser is doing well, otherwise, though, right? Still eating and drinking? Normal energy? Any vomiting or diarrhea?”

Client: “Well, my friend is watching him because I’m out of town, but I think he’s fine except for the cough. Does he need to be seen sooner?”

Me: “Well, I can’t say for sure without seeing him, but usually as long as he is still eating and drinking well and isn’t having other symptoms, it should be fine to wait until Monday. We actually close in about half an hour, and we’re closed on Sundays, as well, but I can give you the number of a 24-hour clinic if you’re concerned, or in case anything changes.”

Client: “I have it already; I think I’ll just wait until Monday.”

Me: “Okay, please call us from the car when you arrive; coughs can be contagious, so we want to make sure we have an exam room available for you so Bruiser won’t need to stand in the lobby.”

Client: “Okay.”

Me: “Have a great day; we’ll see you Monday at 3:00.”

(I hang up the phone.)

Coworker #1: “What was that about?”

Me: “A client with a sick dog called, but when I asked, he said he wanted to schedule an annual exam with vaccines. He didn’t tell me the dog was coughing until I double-checked he had no concerns.”

Coworker #1: “I wish people would tell us up front that they have sick pets.”

Me: “It’s amazing how many people suddenly remember their pet is sick when I ask if everything is going well after they call to schedule an annual exam.”

Doctor: “Yeah, I had a new puppy yesterday where the clients said there were no problems. We did the whole exam, all the vaccines, decided on heartworm and flea preventatives, and had the long ‘new puppy talk’ before the owner said, ‘Doc, I have a question. Is it normal for him to cough all the time?’”