The Thing On The Thing With The Thing

, , | Right | April 25, 2008

Me: “Thank you for calling [Store]. How can I direct your call?”

Customer: “Do you have any of those things you can put on tables?”

Me: “Like a tablecloth?”

Customer: “No. They’re those things you can put on tables.”

Me: “Ma’am, you can put a lot of things on tables.”

Customer: “Well I don’t know what they’re called! You’re the one who should know!”

Me: *face on desk*


This story is part of our Customers With Super-Vague Requests roundup!

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Yeah, But Our Delhis Come With Salami

, , , | Right | April 24, 2008

(Please note that I have a rather generic first name for the US, generic like, say, John or Mike.)

Me: “Thank you for calling [Business] Tech Shop, [My Name] speaking. Can I help you?”

Irate customer: “Can I speak to a f****** American?”

Me: “Last time I checked, I’m an American. Can I help you?”

Customer: “Oh, yeah? Well, where are you!?”

Me: “Mount Laurel, New Jersey — in the store you called.”

Customer: “That sounds like it’s in India.”

Me: “Unless New Jersey has moved recently, we’re part of the US.”

Customer: “Just let me speak to an American, d*** it!”

Me: “Yes, sir, please hold.”

(I transferred him to the Wilmington, Delaware store, as we do with many of our irate customers.)


This story is part of our India roundup!

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If The Shoe Fits…

, , , , , | Right | April 24, 2008

Me: “Thank you for calling [Orthopedic office]. How can I help you?”

Caller: “PUT MY DAUGHTER ON THE PHONE!”

Me: “I’m sorry? This is [Ortho]–”

Caller: “No it isn’t! Now put my daughter on the phone right now! She knows she isn’t supposed to have boys over!”

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, I think you have the wrong number.”

Caller: “NO I DON’T.”

Me: “Ma’am, I’m afraid–”

Caller: “You better be! I’m on my way home RIGHT NOW and god help you if you’re still there!”

(By this point we have several calls waiting to be answered. My supervisor signals me to transfer the call to them so I can get back to my job.)

Me: “Ma’am, I assure you this is a medical office. Would you like to speak to my supervisor?”

Caller: *dripping with sarcasm* “Oh suuuure! Put me through to your supervisor!”

Supervisor: “Thank you for calling [Orthopedics], how can I help you?”

Caller: “WHAT?! WHO ARE YOU? WHY ARE YOU IN MY HOUSE?!”

(It took several minutes for my supervisor to get the woman off the phone, after which she called three more times…)


This story is part of the Overprotective Parents roundup!

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Conscience: We Loves It

, , , , , , , | Right | April 23, 2008

(This is around Halloween, and Halloween parties in Madison are THE biggest event of the year. My store has many Halloween costumes and other Halloween-related products during that time. I am at my cash register for check-out when a customer comes up to me.)

Customer: “Hi. Uhh… I’d like to buy these.”

(The customer puts down a wig, some make-up, pantyhose, condoms, and lube on my register.)

Me: “Okay.” *starts scanning*

Customer: “…”

Me: *still scanning*

Customer: “DON’T JUDGE ME!” *runs out*

Me: “?!”


This story is part of our Halloween roundup!

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Time To Move The Bodies In The Backyard

, , | Right | April 23, 2008

Dog Owner: “Yeah, my Golden Retriever keeps bringing things back to me. Do you know why?”

Trainer: “Well, ma’am, what’s the second word in the breed’s name?”

Owner: “Uh… retriever?”

Trainer: “That would be why.”


This story is part of our Golden Retriever roundup!

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