America’s Debt Crisis Explained, Part 2

, , , | Right | March 19, 2009

Customer: “Um, this sign out here says $5.98 for a pound of turkey.”

Me: “Well, sir, if you look at your sticker, you’ll see that it is actually $3.98 a pound this week.”

Customer: “But, it says that it’s $5.98 a pound. You need to fix this, and you need to fix the price on my turkey.”

Me: “Sir, the turkey is on sale this week. You got it for $3.98 a pound, instead of $5.98.”

Customer: “Well, this is just ridiculous. You guys need to get your act straight, and you need to fix my sticker!”

Me: “You’re getting it for cheaper.”

Customer: *light bulb goes on* “Ohhhhhhh!”

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Someone’s About To Get Smacked To The Future

, , , , , | Romantic | March 19, 2009

Coworker: “Yes, miss. I understand it’s an emergency, But let me ask my coworker. He probably knows what you’re looking for!”

Me: “What’s going on?”

Coworker: “This woman was sent in looking for an item. She said it’s called a… a… something capacitor.”

Me: “Well, we don’t really carry any capacitors here. That’s more of a true electronics store thing.”

Customer: “Please, it’s my son’s birthday and my husband says that we desperately need to find a 120-volt flux capacitor for my son’s Xbox!”

Me: “Ma’am, unless you have a Mr. Fusion, I don’t know where you’re gonna need something like that.”

Customer: “What do you mean? My husband said this was an emergency! I have been to three stores and no one knows what I’m talking about!”

Me: *laughs* “Well, your husband sent you for a part to a time machine.”

Customer: “I am going to kill that man!”


This story is part of the Pranks roundup! This is the last story in the roundup, but we have plenty of others you might enjoy!

10 Strange Stories About Customer Conspiracy Theorists

 

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COD 4: Trout At War

, , , | Right | March 18, 2009

(I witnessed from one of the checkout lines.)

Customer: “Do you have COD 4?”

Employee:Call of Duty 4? Yes, we–”

Customer: “No, no, no, not Call Of Duty 4. COD 4!”

Employee: “Sir, COD 4 stands for Call Of Duty 4…”

Customer: “No, it doesn’t! The customer is always right! Now bring me a copy of COD 4 right now!”


This story is part of the Bad-Gamer-Customer-themed roundup!

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Homework For Super Villainy 101

, , , , | Right | March 18, 2009

Customer: *on the phone* “Yeah, I found you guys on Google. I’m trying to find a laser gun that, you know, you can shoot a plane down with?”

Me: “Um… we sell laser printer cartridges, not lasers…”

Customer: “Oh… I guess I couldn’t really throw a cartridge that far at a plane, huh?”

Me: “Uh… no?”

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Inconvenience Saves The Day

, , , , | Right | March 18, 2009

Me: “Thank you for calling [Company] Pay Per View. This is [My Name] speaking. How can I help you?”

Customer: “Uh, yeah… I, uh, used up all my credit, and I need you to give me some more.”

Me: “You can purchase credit on our website, or through the automated system on the phone. Would you like assistance with either of those?”

Customer: *yelling* “NO! WHAT ARE YOU SAYING?! YOU SAYING I’M STUPID?!”

Me: “Um, no… I was just offering to–”

Customer: “WELL, NOW I WANT IT FREE! I DEMAND £20 FREE CREDIT!”

Me: “I can’t just hand out free credit like that; that’s not how it works. If you have a complaint, I can transfer you to that department–”

Customer: “NO!” *suddenly quiet* “Where is your office located?”

Me: “We’re in [Location].”

Customer: “RIGHT! I’M GONNA COME DOWN THERE AND F*** YOU UP! I KNOW YOUR NAME, F***HEAD! I’LL F****** FIND YOU!”

Me: “…”

Customer: “Wait, where is [Location], exactly?”

Me: “Um… about an hour out of the city by bus or car.”

Customer: “What?! Really? That far? Nah… I’ll probably leave it so. Thanks anyway. Bye.” *hangs up*

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