Don’t Press Your Luck

, , , | Right | June 19, 2008

Me: “Welcome to [Fast Food Place]. May I take your order?”

Drive-Thru Customer: “Yeah, I’ll take the double cheeseburger.”

Me: “Okay, would you like to make it a value meal?”


Me: “Fine, that will be $1.87 at window two.”

(He drives up, I take his money and hand him the food.)

Drive-Thru Customer: “I’m gonna need ketchup for the fries.”

Me: “Sir, you only ordered the sandwich, not the value meal. I can ring up an order of fries now if you’d like.”

Drive-Thru Customer: “No, you screwed up my order! I’m NOT paying for extra fries!”

(Fed up, I throw some fries in a bag and hand them to him.)

Drive-Thru Customer: “Wait, is it too late to substitute onion rings?”

Me: *slams window shut*

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He Obviously Gets His Smarts From Mom

, , , , | Right | June 19, 2008

Little Boy: “Can I have a medium Icee?”

Me: “Sure! That’ll be $1.48.”

(The little boy hands me $1.50 and I give him his change. He scampers off to get his Icee as his dad stomps up.)

Dad: “Can I get another medium Icee for my daughter?”

Me: “Sure, It’s $1.48.”

(The dad pays and I give him his cup. By this time the boy is back, happily drinking his Icee and standing next to his dad.)

Dad: *rudely* “WELL?! Where’s my Icee?!”

Me: *confused* “Uh, the cup is right there, sir.”

(The little boy is trying to get his dad’s attention to tell him where the self-serve Icee machine is located. However, the dad is ignoring him and yelling at me.)


Me: “Sir, the machine is around the corner.”

Dad: “Finally! God, are you simple or something?!”

Me: “?!”

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Everyone’s A Wiseguy

, , , , , | Right | June 18, 2008

(Our store is located in a one-level strip mall.)

Customer: “Do you carry lawnmowers?”

Customer Service Rep: “Just one second and let me find out for you…” *parks call* “Hey guys, do we carry lawnmowers?”

Salesman #1: “Yeah, they’re down in the basement.”

Salesman #2: “No, I saw them back by the overstock shelves.”

Salesman #3: “No, I moved them into the attic for storage last week.”

Salesman #4: “OOH! I know! They’re four walls down, under a big orange sign that says ‘Home Depot!'”

Customer Service Rep: *picks call back up* “No, sir, I’m sorry, but we’re an electronics store.”

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Because “Free” Is One Letter Away From “Fee”

, , , , | Right | June 18, 2008

Me: “Thank you for calling tech support. May I help you?”

Customer: “How do you fix Debian?”

Me: “Depends on what the problem is. What are some of the issues you’re having?”

Customer: “I paid $700 for it! It should work PERFECTLY!”

Me: “Ma’am, Debian is free. If you paid $700 for it, all that means is that you’re an idiot.”

Customer: “Really?”

Me: “Yep. Anything else I can do for you?”

Customer: *click*

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I Sense A Schism

, , , | Right | June 18, 2008

(I work for a bookstore that sells bibles. We get a lot of interesting customers that call…)

Me: “[Bookstore], how may I help you?”

Customer: “Do you have the book of Chronicles?”

Me: “Do you want a commentary for it?”

Customer: “No. You know, the book of Chronicles that they talk about in the bible. Do you have that?”

Me: “…”

Customer: “Have you ever read a bible?”

Me: “Yes, I have…”

Customer: “Well, I’m looking for the book of Chronicles.”

Me: “Let me search our computer system and see if I can find something.” *I pretend to search the computer* “The only thing I can find is the actual books in the bible called first and second Chronicles.”

Customer: “Do y’all have that in the store? Where’s it at?”

(I pull a bible off the shelf and tell him the exact location of the books.)

Customer: “I’ve never seen that in any of my bibles.”

Me: “Sir, these two books have been in here for over 2,000 years.”

Customer: “Not in any bible I’ve read!”

(After the customer finally hung up, I asked my manager to shoot me.)

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