(This is in mid-January. An older man approaches me at the circulation desk.)

Customer: “Do you have tax forms here?”

Me: “I don’t think so; we normally don’t get those until later in the month.”

Customer: “Well, I called and talked to someone who said you do.”

Me: “If we have any, they’ll be on the counter in the computer area, but I didn’t notice any when I was back there earlier.”

Customer: “Well, I’ll go take a look.” *leaves and comes back a few minutes later* “They’re not back there. Why would somebody tell me you had them here when you don’t?”

Me: “Do you know who you spoke with? When did you call?”

Customer: “I don’t remember; it was about ten months ago.”

Me: “Well, sir, in that case, they would have been talking about last year’s forms. If you called ten months ago, that would have been March of last year, so we would have had last year’s forms out. We haven’t received the forms for this year yet.”

Customer: “But why would they tell me you had them, and then when I come in you don’t have them? That’s a waste of my time!”

Me: “When you called, we did have them, for last year. But the forms are different each year; we haven’t received the ones for this year yet.”

Customer: “I still don’t understand why someone would say you have the forms when you don’t have them. I called and they told me you have the forms, and now when I come in, you don’t have them. This has just been a big waste of my time.”

(I work in a home improvement store. It’s 8:30 on a Saturday morning during a summer hiring fair. I’m the only cashier due to the other cashier requiring a break and the supervisor running the hiring table. Four people decide to all check out at the same time. While I’m ringing up the first person, I overhear two of the others talking.)

Woman #1: “I can’t believe they only have one cashier! I hate waiting.”

Woman #2: “And they don’t have self-checkouts open, either.”

Woman #1: “Well, I won’t use them. If you can’t get me a cashier; I’m out of there!”

Woman #2: “Yeah! I won’t use them, either. They’re just trying to fire all cashiers and replace them with machines. And the ones they do have are paid $8 an hour and get no insurance. They just want to keep people on government assistance!”

(During her rant, I finish with the previous customer, and it is now her turn. She keeps ranting for another five minutes while I try to get her attention. Finally, another customer gestures to her that it’s her turn. She completely ignores me, while still ranting to the second woman about how her aunt won’t use ATMs or debit cards because they take jobs away from bank tellers, and how she just can’t believe we only have one cashier. The second woman is agreeing with her on all of her points. After she leaves, I ring up the second woman.)

Woman #2: “You should really hire more cashiers.”

Me: “Yes, that’s why we’re having a hiring fair, right inside the entrance.”

Woman #2: “Oh.”

I’m in the stockroom just before close on the day after Black Friday, prepping restock with my overnight staff. Suddenly, the doors slam open and a customer’s shopping cart appears, pushed by a younger teenage boy. Another two teen boys are standing in the cart. One is banging two pot lids together like cymbals; the other has a funnel to his mouth making noises like a trumpet. They circle a pole and head back to the sales floor. I immediately call the manager, who has already seen them and called in mall security.

I head out to the sales floor to meet the manager. As I approach him, we see the three boys rounding a corner, two still standing in the cart playing their “instruments.” They see us, laugh, and the boy pushing the cart starts to run. They smash through the door to the back room again, and a second later we hear a huge crash. The shopping cart has hit an empty pallet the boys didn’t see lying on the floor, and the two standing boys have been thrown out of the cart and into our corner belt, which slams into a nearby employee. Both boys are injured, one actually breaking his wrist, the other splitting open his forehead and breaking a tooth, bleeding everywhere.

Security arrives a few moments later and calls for an ambulance, and tries to ask the boys where their parents are. The boy who was pushing the cart says they were with his mother, but he has no idea where she is. He does know her cell phone number, though. She is called; she is all the way across the mall, and says she will come over once she is done shopping!

We see her coming, and she looks rather calm and smug until she goes outside. Her son is in the back of a police car along with the boy with the chipped tooth. The boy with the broken wrist is in the back of an ambulance about to pull away. The mother freaks out, crying and screaming, demanding that the kid in the ambulance not be taken to the hospital! The cops then reveal that they found shoplifted items in the pockets of two of the boys, including her son, taken from a different store, so they are going to be taken in.

The whole time her son is blubbering, “We just made a parade! It was a parade!”

There are threats of a lawsuit, but the videos basically make them drop the case entirely. We have to call someone in specially to clean up the blood, and the whole thing sets our restock back by a few hours.

(I have been getting robocalls on my cell for weeks. One gives the option to “press one to talk to an agent, or press two to be removed from our calling list.” I hit two every time, but still get calls. I get fed up one day and press one.)

Scammer: “Hello. My name is [Scammer]. How can I help you save money on your insurance today?”  

Me: “Hi. I’ve been getting calls for weeks from you guys, and I’ve always pressed two to be removed, but I’m still getting calls. I’m going to ask you one more time to remove me from your call list, or the next time you call, I’m going to contact my state attorney general’s office and report your business.”  

Scammer: “Well, I’d like to make my wife have multiple orgasms, but I can’t do that, either. Now… I could be a d**k and take your name and number and sell it to all the other insurance companies and put you on all of their calling lists, but since you’ve been so polite with me… I’ll remove you from my call list. GO DOLPHINS.” *click*

Me: “Well, that escalated quickly.”  

(On the positive side, I really haven’t received any more calls from this company.)

(I work in a dollar store.)

Customer: “So, everything in this store is a dollar?”

Me: “Yep.”

Customer: “No way. I bet I can find something more than a dollar.”

Me: “Good luck with that, sir.”

(About ten minutes pass when the customer comes up to me, sticking his chest out triumphantly. I barely open my mouth when he all but shoves a pair of reading glasses into my hands.)

Customer: “And you told me everything in this store was a dollar. See? These are $3.00.”

Me: “Sir, that’s the prescription.”