This Is Not A New Problem
(I work at a bookstore and this is a couple of years ago when ‘The Great Gatsby’ movie came out.)
Customer: “Do you have that new book, The Great Gatsby?”
Me: *sighs* “…follow me.”
Enough To Make Your Literary Blood Boil
(I work at a bookstore and a customer comes up to the register with several teen romance vampire books including ‘Twilight.’)
Customer: “I love vampire books! I can’t get enough of them! I’ve basically read them all.”
Me: “Yeah, I like vampire books, too. Especially Anne Rice.”
Customer: “Who?”
Getting Drunk Where It Counts
(I am looking for a specific bottle of wine for a customer. I am in a rush to find this bottle when a middle-aged customer comes up to me.
Customer: “Excuse me?”
Me: *still looking* “Yes?”
Customer: “If I drink four bottles of this, will I get drunk?”
Me: “Probably.” *I find the bottle and pick it up*
Customer: “Well, how much alcohol is in one of these?”
Me: “I think it varies by brand. Um, this brand here has [percentage] of alcohol.”
Customer: “Hmm… [percentage] times four… that will probably get me drunk.”
When It Comes To Stupid Decisions They Score A Ten
(I was behind the register in the women’s clothing area of a department store. A woman walks up holding a blouse and, with an attitude, says:)
Customer: “This was on a rack with a sign that says it is 40% off. Is it 40% off?”
Me: “Let me see.”
(I take the blouse from her and scan the barcode on the tag.)
Me: *expecting her to be glad to hear the good news* “It says it’s 50% off.”
Customer: *annoyed* “But the sign says it’s 40% off.”
Me: “Well, the computer says it’s 50% off.”
(The customer throws the blouse on the counter next to the cash register, says angrily:)
Customer: “Well, I don’t want it, then!” *storms off*
High! How Are You?
(Ringing up a customer:)
Me: “Hi! How are—“
Customer: “Yes, I am.”
Me: “Pardon?”
Customer: “I am high!”