Savings In Disguise

, , , , , , | Romantic | October 15, 2019

(I’m studying to get my certification to sell insurance. A friend sends me a joke and I read it aloud to my boyfriend.)

Me: “Would a Transformer get car insurance or life insurance?”

Boyfriend: *pause* “He can just bundle and save.”

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Deaf To Reason, Part 10

, , , , | Right | October 15, 2019

(My mother works part-time at a big chain store as a second job to have some extra money since my brother got a car and is trying to find a job of his own. She is in her late 50s and needs hearing aids to hear clearly. The contraptions are nearly invisible as they are small and clear. She is working the register when a customer comes up to her. Note that the battery in her hearing aids has died at this time and it’s a little before my mom’s break. The customer puts the items on the belt and the transaction goes smoothly until near the end.)

Customer: *mumbling*

Mom: “Sorry, what was that?”

Customer: *more irritated mumbling*

Mom: “Ah, sorry, come again?”

Customer: *yelling now* “What are you, deaf or something?!”

(Mom, now fed up, reaches up and takes out one of her hearing aids.)

Mom: “As a matter of fact, I am.”

(The customer turned red in embarrassment, silently paid, and left with her items.)

Related:
Deaf To Reason, Part 9
Deaf To Reason, Part 8
Deaf To Reason, Part 7

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Ankh-Morpork: City Of Love

, , , , , , | Friendly | October 15, 2019

(I’m waiting for my train, reading a book and giggle-snorting about it. An old lady is sitting on the other end of the bench.)

Old Lady: “Excuse me, dear, but what are you reading?”

(I hold up the book so she can see the cover, which says, “TERRY PRATCHETT – FEET OF CLAY,” and has cover art featuring a spooky bat and an angry-looking, red-eyed golem holding a giant cleaver striding out of an inferno toward a dwarf, a swordswoman, and a troll hand-wielding a siege weapon.)

Old Lady: *triumphantly* “Ah! A romance novel!”

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They’re Really Desperate To Get People Into Writing Club

, , , , , , | Learning | October 15, 2019

(I am a middle school teacher. We have announcements every day at the end of school. The principal is making an announcement about our new writing club and this is what I hear:)

Principal: “Do you like writing or kind of like writing? The join our writing club! Join others to create short stories, porn, and other fun things!”

Me: “WHAT?!”

Students: “Poems. She said poems.”

(The students definitely heard the same thing I did, too. The principal might want to enunciate a bit more!)

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With So Many Fillings He Has Become Very Dense

, , , , , | Healthy | October 15, 2019

Patient: “Why do I need an x-ray?”

Me: “To check for problems [Doctor] might have missed.”

Patient: “Problems like what?”

Me: “Cavities between your teeth and under your fillings, and gum disease.”

Patient: “If [Doctor]’s eyesight is so bad that he can’t even see cavities anymore, why is he still a dentist?”

Me: “There is nothing wrong with [Doctor]’s eyesight, Sir. It would be impossible for anyone to look underneath fillings and in between your teeth.”

Patient: “So, I just let him poke around my mouth for nothing? Why didn’t you tell me that right away? I would have skipped the exam and just done the x-ray. Now I need to pay for something that is completely useless. You are ripping me off. I’ll get a second opinion.”

Me: “You are welcome to do that. But they’d want to do an exam, as well.”

Patient: “I’ll tell them that you already did.”

Me: “They’ll still want to actually look at your teeth. Believe me.”

Patient: “So, you are trying to tell me that they’ll rip me off, too?”

Me: “Sir, an x-ray is more expensive than an exam.”

Patient: “Oh, if you do the x-ray, can I take that to my second opinion dentist?”

Me: “Yes.”

Patient: “Sox I’m right. The exam is useless.”

Me: “Do you want an x-ray or not now?”

Patient: “Do I get a refund if you don’t find anything?”

Me: “No, you can’t get a refund.”

Patient: “You people are so greedy.” 

Me: *speechless*

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