Has You Under Their Spelling

, , , , , | Right | December 11, 2017

(I work in a small call center that provides information to tourists. It is a very quiet day when my coworker gets this call. I only hear her end of it.)

Coworker: “Yes, I would recommend [Restaurant]… The name is H-A-N-K… No, N-K. K as in– No, H-A-N-K-apostrophe-S.”

(Pause…)

Coworker: “I would also recommend Cotton. C-O-T-T-O-N. No, C-O-T-T-O-N. N as in Nancy. Yes, C-O-T– No, T as in Thomas. No, T-O-N as in Nancy. Yes. Yes, is there anything else I can do for you?”

(Pause…)

Coworker: “I would suggest that you take advantage of our free shuttle system. Yes, free. F-R-E-E. Yes. Yes, it is free. Yes.”

(This goes on for several more minutes, with the visitor repeatedly asking her to spell the names of places multiple times. Finally, the call ends.)

Coworker: “She sounded like she was high! H-I-G-H!”

They Don’t Teach You THAT In Driver’s Ed

, , , , | Learning | December 11, 2017

After being tailgated twice in two days, I remembered a story my Driver’s Ed teacher told us:

When he was a teen and newly licensed driver, he had the loan of his dad’s car. Unfortunately for him, he either wasn’t paying attention or didn’t notice a short concrete post when he backed up, and he did some severe damage to the tail end. He drove around a bit thinking, “Oh, God… what am I going to tell my dad? He’s going to kill me.” Then he got an idea.

He was wearing his seatbelt and was traveling city streets, so wasn’t driving fast. He deliberately drove slower and waited until he got a tailgater. Then he slammed on the brakes, and the inevitable happened.

He got out shouting, “Look what you did to my dad’s car!”

The other guy got the ticket, had his insurance pay for the repairs, and probably got a raise in rates. And guess what? It was perfectly legal of my teacher.

It’s your responsibility to maintain a safe stopping distance… not the driver in front of you. A driver CAN bring a car to a stop for whatever reason.

Just keep that in mind next time you get the urge to get on someone’s tail on the road: he just might REALLY be asking for it.

 

Unfiltered Story #101621

, | Unfiltered | December 11, 2017

(I’ve just left my department to take a restroom break when a co-worker from another department greets me.)

Coworker: “How ya doing, [my name]?”

Me: “Bathroom.”

(Pause.)

Me: “Wait a sec, did you say, ‘How ya doing?’ or ‘Where ya going?'”

Coworker: “How ya doing!”

Me: “Oh. Well, I guess, technically, the answer to both questions is the same.”

Unfiltered Story #101614

, | Unfiltered | December 11, 2017

( <i> This in my old Army unit where I was working as the only computer/networking tech. This meant supporting over two hundred end users all alone when this brand new Lieutenant walked into my office on a particularly busy day. </i>)

LT: “I need a brand new laptop now!”

Me: “Excuse me, Sir?”

LT: “I said I need a brand new laptop. Time now!”

Me: “Ok, Sir, what exactly is going on with the one you were issued?”
(Note: I just issued them a laptop that morning.)

LT: “The one you gave me is too old. It doesn’t even connect to the internet, and I NEED a new one to work.”

(Que feeling that they’re doing something stupid.)

Me: “Well, Sir, give me a few minutes as I am working on the Commander’s laptop and is my current priority.”

LT: “I DON’T GIVE A DAMN IF YOU’RE WORKING ON THE PRESIDENT’S LAPTOP! I NEED A NEW ONE NOW AND THAT’S AN ORDER!”

(Deep breath)

Me: “Alright, Sir, before I can I need to properly diagnose your system at your workstation. If you’ll show me your desk…”

(After a short walk down the hall to another office where several officers and NCOs were working. The LT showed me his laptop and I immediately found the problem. At this unit all WiFi is disabled so the only way to connect to the internet is via a hard line. Which in this case, was not connected to his laptop. Holding up the disconnected cable I turn to the LT.)

Me: “Sir, you need to plug this in for the internet to work. As I explained this morning when I issued this laptop to you.”

(I dropped the cable on his desk and walked out back to my office. I could hear the other officers and NCOs laughing all the down the hall.)

The Importance Of Fact-Checking

, , , , | Right | December 11, 2017

(We have a rather gullible regular who has somehow grown up convinced that if a thing is in print, it has to be true.)

Regular: *as she’s being rung up by my coworker* “Oh! Did you hear? There was a shark attack last week!”

Coworker: “Oh, my goodness! Where?”

Regular: “[Nearby Apartment Complex].”

Coworker: *pause* “Pardon?”

Regular: “Yeah, apparently some family had a shark mounted on the wall. That must have angered the other shark. It broke down the door and bit an 11-year-old on the face!”

Coworker: “…”

Me: “[Regular], that never happened.”

Regular: “It did! It was in the news and everything!”

Me: “[Regular], think about it. How could a shark hold its breath on land long enough to somehow travel five miles away from the water and cross a dozen busy roads, just to break down a door and attack a child? All without legs?”

Regular: “Hold on! I’ll bring up the article!”

Coworker: “[Regular], we don’t mind you Googling it, but there’s a line behind you. I’m afraid you can’t stand here at the registers looking for it.”

Regular: “No worries. I’ll come back and show you the article!”

(She paraded out the door, fiddling with her phone, still searching. My coworker put his hands together and loudly mock-prayed, “Please don’t let her discover Sharknado! Please don’t let her discover Sharknado!” A few days later, she came back, having forgotten about the “shark attack,” but full to bursting about the news that all major movie companies were going to create DVDs that would completely erase themselves after a single viewing of a movie, forcing everyone to have to buy it again to watch it a second time. No one could convince her that the movie industry would become bankrupt virtually overnight if they did so.)

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