The Hippokkkratic Oath

, , , , | Healthy | February 17, 2018

(I work at a detention center, and we are holding two big-name KKK leaders. Both were on TV after their arrest, since they have supposedly attacked one of their own. One of them has to be taken to the hospital for something and he has two male officers escorting him. They are seen in the ER by a tiny nurse.)

Nurse: “Mister… [Inmate]?”

Inmate: “Yeah?”

Nurse: “I see one of your vaccines hasn’t been updated; did you want to take care of that?”

Inmate: “Yeah, why not? The state’s paying for it.”

(The nurse starts humming as she prepares the injection and then proceeds to clean a site on his leg.)

Nurse: “Ready?”

Inmate: “Go for it.”

(The nurse suddenly stabs the needle into his leg, making both the officers cringe in sympathy as the man howls.)

Nurse: “There we go! All done.”

Inmate: “What kind of nurse are you?”

Nurse: “A loving Christian woman who doesn’t judge one’s skin color.”

(It was then that the inmate realized she had seen his face on the six o’clock news.)

Unfiltered Story #105910

, | Unfiltered | February 17, 2018

(I’m at a college class and the Teacher is going through a Powerpoint.)

Teacher: *looks at the current slide* “Huh, that’s not right. Surprised nobody caught that. Never just accept what I say without question, especially if yoy think it’s wrong.”

Student: “But you’re a Teacher…”

Teacher: “That is a very dangerous mindset to have.”

Unfiltered Story #105908

, , | Unfiltered | February 17, 2018

(This is with my Kindergarten class.)

Student: Ms Teacher! I’m about to have a baby! A little baby girl!

Unfiltered Story #105904

, | Unfiltered | February 17, 2018

This occurred in a beginner level Spanish classroom. Even though this is most students’ first experience with learning another language than US English, the class is encouraged to discuss topics entirely in Spanish as much as possible. The lesson of the day, a Monday morning, is to do with descriptions of events, and deeper responses to ‘How are you?’ type conversation starters, beyond the typical ‘I’m well, thanks, how are you?’

Our Teacher (Profesora): Quien puede decir como fue su fin de semana?
(Who can tell how their weekend went?)

A student, calling himself ‘Patricio’ as we’ve each chosen a Spanish name, volunteers.

Patricio: Este fin de semana no fue bien, porque mi papa esta enfermo.
(This weekend did not go well, because my Dad is sick.) At least, this is what he tries to say, however:

Profesora: Your potato is sick?

The class shares a laugh and Patricio turns an embarrassed pink shade as the teacher takes this opportunity to explain the importance of certain punctuations, specifically the accent, indicating emphasis.

Patricio, trying for papá (father) instead emphasizing the first syllable (PA-pa), has accidentally called his father a potato.

Looks Like There Were Some Side Effects

, , , , | Right | February 16, 2018

(I am working as the cashier in the drive-thru.)

Me: “That will be $9.37, please.”

Customer: *hands me a rolled up ten* “This is how we used to roll our cocaine straws back in the day.”

(I just took the money, laughed uncomfortably, and shut the window. The girl in the passenger seat looked mortified.)

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