Boss Baby

, , , , , | Related | October 18, 2018

(Being a gamer with a one-year-old is tough, since he wants to touch everything, and it’s really important to play with him. It helps that he’s absolutely hilarious and a joy to play with. I don’t get to play nearly as much as I want to, though. My wife and I have a running joke when I beat something which has been difficult; we say he gave me “Baby Power” to get through it. I’ll often tell him, “Okay! I need the Baby Power! Give it to Daddy!” On this particular day, I’m playing a new game on my Switch, and he has decided he wants to sit on my lap while I play. I’m having a rather difficult time beating a boss.)

Me: *looking down at him as he’s drinking his bottle* “We’re going to need all the Baby Power on this one!”

(My son looks back at the screen and points at it. I’m getting closer and closer to beating it, and he throws down his bottle. He SCREAMS, raising his arms, and SCREAMS again, clapping.)

Me: “YEAH! YEAH! BABY POWER! COME ON, BABY!”

(He screams even louder and blows spit bubbles. I beat the boss, slap the controller to the side, pick up my son, and start dancing with him.)

Me: “YEAAAH, BABY POWER! YAY!”

(My son is laughing and shouting. I keep dancing with him and then yelling at the screen. When we stop, he picks up his bottle, climbs back on my lap, and looks back up at me while drinking.)

Me: “Now… let’s do that seven more times!”

(He looked back at the screen, back at me, and back at the screen, and let out the biggest sigh I had ever heard. I laughed so hard I had to save the game, turn it off, and rough house with him, instead.)

Probably Too Dangerous

, , , , , | Right | October 18, 2018

(I work at a Chinese restaurant as a manager. A lady is getting a take out order.)

Me: “What kind of sauce would you like?”

Customer: “I would like suicide sauce.”

Me: *confused* “Do you mean soy sauce?”

Customer: *getting upset* “No, I want suicide sauce!”

Me: “We don’t approve of suicide, so if suicide had a sauce we would not obtain it for our customer consumption!”

(The lady thought about the situation and agreed to soy sauce. Now I’m curious if there is something called “suicide sauce“.)

If At First You Get Some Ice…

, , , , | Working | October 18, 2018

(As a younger teen than I am now, I went to an amusement park I haven’t been to for a while. The old restaurant I used to love is re-skinned and has new ideas. The cuisine is mainly the same, so I order my usual.)

Me: *at the counter* “I’m order 123.”

Server: “[Soda], no ice, and a bacon double cheeseburger?”

(She hands me a [soda] filled to the brim with ice. I look it over once and alert her.)

Me: “I’m sorry, I asked for no ice but this one has ice, and umm–”

Server: “Oh, no worries. I’ll get you a new one.” *to her coworkers* “I have a [soda] with ice if necessary.”

(She fills another cup with ice and begins to pour in the [Soda] before looking down and apologizing to me.)

Server: *to coworkers* “I have another one if you guys need it.”

(Once again, she filled a cup with ice and poured in the [Soda] without looking down. After this attempt, I got my [Soda] with no ice and left the restaurant with a smile on my face.)

Should Just Try And Brush This One Off

, , , | Working | October 18, 2018

(My office shares a bathroom with four other offices. I am walking to the restroom when I hear this exchange.)

Woman #1: *panicked voice* “The brush is missing!”

Woman #2: *concerned* “What do you mean the brush is missing?”

(I assume they are talking about a hair brush and move on to do my business. As I am peeing, they rush in.)

Woman #2: *shouting* “THE BRUSH WAS IN HERE! SOMEONE MUST HAVE TAKEN THE BRUSH!”

Me: “…”

Woman #1: “Well, it is missing now! I guess the commode will just remain filthy!”

Woman #2: *quieter but still angry* “I saw it earlier. I thought about cleaning up the mess for five seconds, but didn’t.”

Woman #1: “I don’t know what is happening to this place. It is really going downhill! This place is so disgusting!”

Me: *scuttles out*

Women: *glares accusingly at me*

(And that is how I learned two of my office neighbors have OCD and another suffers from kleptomania. Most awkward hand wash ever.)

Practicing Becoming An Old Bag

, , , , , | Right | October 18, 2018

(I work for a store in a well-known chain of drug stores. I am working the front register when a customer comes up and puts down a small bag of nuts and a drink. I have a habit of asking if they would like a bag if their purchase is small or it looks like it will be eaten right away. I ask because we don’t have small bags, just the regular-sized grocery bags. Most customers don’t want to deal with a bag in this situation.)

Me: “Would you like a bag for this?”

Customer: “Well, it’s more than one item, so yeah. Wouldn’t you say?”

Me: *smiles, thinking she’s joking* “You don’t have to have one; it’s really up to you.”

Customer: *straight-faced* “No, it’s not. It’s your job.”

(I bag her items, a little stunned. I’d never had anyone demand a bag.)

Me: “Here you go. Have a nice day!”

Customer: *takes her bag and leaves without saying a word*

(I found out later that the same customer called to complain about me, and claimed I refused to give her a bag. My manager is cool and just laughed it off. I wonder what that customer would do in places like California where, due to a ban on plastic bags, they don’t ever give you a bag!)

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