She Wants To Use That Coupon And On And On

, , , , , , | Right | December 11, 2019

(I work at a store that has its own coupons in both printed and digital formats. Like nearly every other place that does coupons, it says right in the fine print that the coupon “must be surrendered at time of transaction.” While this is trickier for the digital coupons, since we can’t just take away someone’s cell phone, it’s a very simple task for the paper coupons. My personal habit is to take a pen and draw a big X over the barcode if the customer hasn’t already torn out the coupon from our mailers. I find this to be faster and more effective when we have big lines. I’ve been doing it this way for a couple of years and never had an issue, until this one lady comes through my register with her mailer. I tell the lady her total and pull my pen from my apron, reach for her mailer, and draw an X on one of three coupons she used. She immediately snatches her mailer and holds it to her chest.)

Customer: “You’re not supposed to be doing that!”

Me: *blinks for a moment in surprise* “Uh, it’s supposed to be surrendered at the time of purchase. I just find crossing off the barcode easier and more efficient than tearing them out.”

Customer: “You’re the only one who ever does this! You’re not supposed to be doing that! I come in here all the time, and no one else ever does that!”

(I try to explain in different ways that, at the very least, I need to mark the coupon as used, including pointing out that it’s company policy and my coworkers should be doing it, as well. Yet we just go in circles as she keeps insisting that I’m not supposed to do that, and I’m the only one who EVER does that. Finally, I spot my store manager walking up to another register to help with the queue.)

Me: “Would you like to speak with my manager about this? He’s right over there.”

Customer: “No, I don’t want to speak with a manager. You’re just not supposed to do this!”

(Fed up, I bluntly call her out in a deadpan tone.)

Me: “You just don’t want to talk to him because you’re afraid you’ll lose your coupons.”

Customer: “You can’t take them away from me! You’re not allowed! No one else ever tries to do this but you!”

Me: “Well, then, thank you for informing us about this severe lack of discipline in our store.”

(She took her purchase and left in a huff, still clutching the mailer to her chest like it was her newborn baby. And yes, I did tell my store manager as soon as the line was gone.)

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Their Phones Don’t Have Reception That Far

, , , , , | Working | December 11, 2019

(Sadly, I only hear my mom’s side of this phone call:)

Mom: “Hello, my name is [Mom] and I’m calling about [Her Father]’s account. You see, I’m his daughter, and we sent you a copy of his death certificate when he passed in [time about a year and a half before] but it seems you’re still charging us for his phone.”


Mom: “The account owner is deceased. That’s why I’m calling.” 


Mom: “You can’t speak to him. He’s dead! I faxed you a copy of his death certificate!” 

(Pause. My mom is getting increasingly more frustrated.)

Mom: “I don’t have the PIN. The only person who had the PIN was my father who, once again, has been dead for over a year.”



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This Worker Is Down For The Count  

, , , , , , | Working | December 11, 2019

(I’m the customer. I’m getting ready to pay for my items.)

Cashier: “Okay, your total is [dollars] and 37 cents.”

(I take out bills and hand them to the cashier, and then dig in my change purse and pull out a few coins. I look at them for a moment, remove a couple, and hand them to the cashier.)

Cashier: *astonished* “How’d you do that?”

Me: *confused* “Do what?”

Cashier: “Give me the right amount without counting it?”

Me: “I’m… pretty sure I did.”

Cashier: “No way! You just looked at the coins for, like, a second!”

Me: *shrugging* “Practice, I guess.” 

(What are they teaching these kids in school?!)

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Soaked In Rage

, , , , | Working | December 11, 2019

(My workplace has an area to store your bags, coats, etc. The hooks are overwhelmed by coats, so everyone leaves their bags on the floor. One day, a pipe bursts and the bag area floods. I work at the front and the pipe is at the back, so I don’t find out about this until my break, nearly an hour later. Some of my coworkers, including a manager, knew about the burst pipe as soon as it happened.)

Me: “So, where did you move the bags to?”

Coworker: “What do you mean?”

Me: “The bag area is flooding, right?”

Coworker: “Well, it’s not flooding anymore, but there is still a lot of water on the ground.”

Me: “Right. So, where did you move the bags?”

Coworker: “Why would we move the bags?”

Me: *eyes go wide* “You left them in the water?!”

(I run to the back of the store and grab my bag. It is sopping wet. I get everyone else’s bag up on a nearby table and then woefully check on my stuff. My change of clothes is soaked. Thankfully, my phone was spared, as it was on top. The papers I had in there are completely destroyed. I confront my manager.)

Me: “[Manager], why weren’t the bags moved? They’re soaked!”

Manager: *flat voice* “[Company] is not responsible for theft or damage to items left in the back room. It is provided to you as a courtesy.”

Me: *gritting my teeth* “Fine. It’s not like I was gonna sue you, anyway. I just want to know why you didn’t move them.”

Manager: “They’re your responsibility.”

Me: “I was on register! How was I supposed to know the pipe burst?!”

Manager: “They’re your responsibility.”

Me: *completely losing my temper* “But why would any decent person just leave them there? Why couldn’t you just pick them up? I just picked them up, and it took me less than two minutes! Why?!

Manager: “They’re your responsibility.”

Me: *screams in rage*

(And that’s the story of how I got fired for the first time ever.)

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When Laughter Is NOT The Best Medicine

, , , , | Healthy | December 11, 2019

(I am a paramedic.)

Me: *to a patient* “Let me borrow your arm for a blood pressure check, please.”

(The patient extends their arm.)

Partner: “Don’t worry; she’ll give it back.”

Me: “Yeah. I got in way too much trouble last time for not giving it back. The police even chased me!”

Patient: “The police chased you?”

Me: “Yeah! For armed robbery!”

Partner: *groans and slams back doors of the ambulance while walking away*

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