So Stupid He Could Kick Himself

, , , , , | Right | October 29, 2010

Customer: “What sort of fuel economy does this one have?”

Me: “Sir, you’re in the wrong lot. That’s another customer’s car.”

Customer: “So, this one’s reserved? What about the blue one over there?”

Me: “You need to go back to the front of the building. These are all the cars that other customers drove here in.”

Customer: “Wait, what? So I can just drive them?”

Me: “No. You can test-drive a specific unit of each of our models, but these cars belong to other people.”

Customer: “So you’re just going to deprive me of everything? Fine! I’m leaving!”

(He kicks another car on the way out.)

Customer: “Wait… F***! That’s mine!”

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I Don’t Work Here Does Not Work Here, Part 2

, , , , , , | Right | October 28, 2010

(I am shopping at a retail store where employees don’t wear uniforms, but encourage their sales associates to wear clothes purchased from their store. I’ve picked up a shirt from a stack of folded clothes, looked at it, and folded it again. A woman comes up to me holding a scarf.)

Customer: “Do you have this in blue? I saw it in blue last week but now I can’t find it.”

Me: “Oh, I don’t work here. But I think I just saw a salesperson over there.”

Customer: “Don’t lie to me! I know you work here. I just saw you fold that shirt! If you can’t be bothered to help me, call someone else on your little radio or something. But don’t lie to me; I’m not stupid! Use your radio and find me a blue scarf!”

Me: “Listen, I don’t know what else I can tell you. I don’t have a radio to call someone as I do not work here.”

Customer: “Just stop it already! Someone needs to teach you how to treat customers with respect. Of course you work here; you are wearing clothes from the d*** store! I’m not stupid! Where is your manager?”

(I decide to ignore her and continue about my business. A couple of minutes later I hear a now familiar voice.)

Customer: “That girl right there. She didn’t want to help me, so she just pretended she didn’t work here.”

(I turn around and see the woman standing behind me with the store manager.)

Manager: “Ma’am, this lady doesn’t work here. She is just a shopper like you.”

Customer: “But… she is wearing clothes from this store!”

Manager: *looking at me apologetically as I’m trying hard not to laugh* “A lot of people wear clothes from this store, ma’am. That’s the whole point of buying them. Our employees all wear a name tag; that’s how you can tell them apart from customers.”

Customer: “I think you are just covering for your employee because you know she messed up. This is unbelievable! I just wanted this scarf in blue! I am never shopping here again!”

(She turns around to leave. As she storms out, she spots another customer and yells at her.)

Customer: “I suppose you don’t work here either, huh?!”

Other Customer: *without batting an eye* “Nope. But I have that scarf in blue, and let me tell you; it’s gorgeous!”

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A Wee Bit Of A Problem

, , , , | Right | October 28, 2010

Me: “Thank you for calling [Hospital]. How may I help you?””

Caller: “I would like to know where people go to buy those cups.”

Me: What kind of cups are you looking for, sir?”

Caller: “Sample cups.”

Me: “Sample cups? Do you mean like for a urine sample?”

Caller: “Yeah! I need quite a few.”

Me: “I guess you could get them at a medical supply company. Have you tried that?”

Caller: “Oh, boy! Thank you, lady! You have helped me so much! See, I am looking for work and most places require a urine test. I want to have my samples all ready to go!”

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Birthday Cele-Berations

, , , , | Right | October 27, 2010

Customer: “You don’t have much of a selection for ninetieth birthday parties.”

Me: “Not many people live that long. Most of our suppliers don’t carry anything past the sixtieth birthday decorations.”

Customer: “It’s all because of Obama, you know. With his health care system, they just put you out to pasture once you’re sixty-five, and that’s the end of you. He probably told everyone to stop selling things with eighty and ninety on it, so people won’t want to live as long.”

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Caesar 2: The [Roman] Empire Strikes Back

, , , , , | Right | October 26, 2010

Customer: “Do you carry books by Shakespeare here?”

Me: “Yes, we do. Which play did you need?”

Customer: “The one that sophomores read.” *gestures to the teenager next to her, presumably her daughter*

Me: “I’m sorry, but there’s not just one play that sophomores read. Do you happen to know the title, or maybe what it’s about?”

Customer: *loudly* “The-One-That-Sophomores-Read!”

Me: “Well, let’s walk over to the section and see if we can figure it out. A lot of early high school students read A Midsummer Night’s Dream or Romeo & Juliet.”

Daughter: “I think Romeo & Juliet.”

Me: “Great!” *pulls out a copy to hand to her*

Daughter: “I don’t know though.”

Me: “Okay. Well, could it be Hamlet, maybe? Or Julius Caesar?”

Daughter:Julius Caesar? Isn’t that the sequel to Romeo & Juliet?”

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