All That For Nothing

, , | Right | November 30, 2007

Me: “Hi, welcome to [Restaurant]. Can I help you?”

Customer: “Yes please, you sell doonoo?”

Me: “I’m sorry? Do we sell what?”

Customer: *points at menu board* “You know, noots!”

Me: *looks up to where he’s pointing which is a picture of some bagels* “Bagels?”

Customer: “No! Noots! Doonoots!”

(This went on for several minutes, both of us getting more and more frustrated until…)

Me: “Wait, are you saying nuts?”

Customer: “Yes, yes!”

Me: “We have peanuts for our ice cream sundaes.”

Customer: “No, no, no. DOOnoots!”

Me: *with a huge smile of understanding* “You mean doughnuts?!”

Customer: “Yes!!”

(Keep in mind we had been working on this for a good five minutes. He now looks so excited that what I say next nearly breaks my heart.)

Me: “No, I’m sorry. We don’t sell doughnuts.”

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TMI (Too Much Information)

, , , | Right | November 29, 2007

(I am working on the customer service desk and answer a call from a customer inquiring about a special order they had placed.)

Customer: “Yes, my name is [Customer]. The name of the DVD is Spring Break.”

(I put the customer’s details into the computer, and the search results say the full name of the DVD is “Spring Break Sex Riot” which also has an…. explicit cover on it. I assume that there must have been a mistake and the wrong title was ordered.)

Me: “Um… I think I found your order here on the system, but it hasn’t arrived in the store yet. I think there might be a mistake here. Could you give me some more details about the film?”

Customer: “Ah, man, you’re missing out! You have to see it! It’s about all these hot chicks who go on spring break and have lots of sex! It’s excellent!”

Me: *glad I have never been this desperate*

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You Can Lead A Horse To Water…

, , , | Right | November 29, 2007

(A young man from Fullerton, CA calls to get our address in Rancho Cordova, CA.)

Caller: “Rancho Cordova? What coast is that on?”

Me: “We are in California, just like you.”

Caller: “Oh… So, East?”

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Belaboring The Obvious

, | Right | November 28, 2007

Customer: “Hi, I’m looking for a book.”

Me: “Yeah, I know. You called a bookstore.”

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Making Excuses For A Lack Of Brain Cells

, , , | Right | November 28, 2007

Customer: “Okay, I’m all set.”

Me: *rings the draperies she wants up* “Okay, your total is $768.22.”

Customer: “What?! Aren’t they on sale?”

Me: “No, only the pleated draperies are on sale.”

Customer: “What’s the difference? Why aren’t these ones on sale too?!

(Customer’s husband comes over.)

Husband: “What’s going on?”

Customer: *to Husband* “These panels aren’t on sale!”

Husband: “Oh… well, how much does it come up to?”

Customer: “They come out to like $800 bucks.”

Husband: “Well… what do you wanna do?”

Customer: *sigh* “There are signs EVERYWHERE saying that these are on sale.”

Me: “No, there are signs everywhere saying that the PLEATED draperies are on sale.”

Customer: “But that entire room has signs! They all say they’re 20% off.”

Me: “I’m sorry to say, but all the signs in that room all say, ‘SALE: All Pleated Draperies 20% Off.’ Want me to show you?”

Customer: “No, it’s fine… Whatever.”

(I finish ringing up the transaction.)

Customer: *signing receipt* “Ugh, it’s just misleading, you know? There are literally a hundred signs in that room that say that the draperies are on sale.”

Me: “I’m sorry, but they do specify what kind of draperies are on sale.”

Lady: “Well, I don’t buy draperies every day, so I don’t pay attention to stupid details like that!”

Me: “Okay… I hope they work out for you. Have a good day.”

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