(Our thermostat is not controlled in our store. A computer system in a different state is where the controls are located to prevent employees from messing with it. The only thing we can turn on and off are the ceiling fans. One day it is ridiculously cold both outside and inside the store.)

Angry Customer: “This is ridiculous! You must not want to be here this morning if you’re turning on the cold air when it’s forty degrees outside!”

Me: “I know it’s pretty cold out there, but unfortunately, we can’t do anything about the air inside right now. My manager already made a call in to get the heat turned on, but it could take several hours for it to get switched over since the controls are in a different state.”

Angry Customer: “That’s bulls***! I install air conditioning and you can’t install the system controls in a different state. You’re just a stupid little nobody so you make things up so you won’t get yelled at.”

Me: “If you’d like to file a complaint, sir, my manager is on the register to my left.”

(My manager goes over the same thing with the angry customer but he only gets more pissed off.)

Angry Customer: “You all must be stupid, then! I can’t believe they made someone as incompetent as you a manager if you don’t know how to work a f****** thermostat! I’ll just come back there and fix it myself!”

Manager: “Sir, if you attempt to get behind this counter I will have to call the police on you, and I’d like to remind you that they are just across the street so it won’t take long for them to get here. I’m sorry about the cold, but there is nothing more I can do at this time, and you do have a nice, thick jacket on that should be keeping you very warm.”

Angry Customer: “How dare you threaten me?! I want the number for your corporate office!”

(My manager writes a number down on a piece of paper and hands it to the angry man, who stands right in front of her and dials. That’s when I hear our store phone ringing.)

Manager: *to me* “Sorry, let me go back to the office and answer that.”

(She walks back to the office and from where I am standing, I can hear both sides of the conversation as the angry man yells at my manager and she proceeds to tell him the same thing we already told him twice. After a few minutes he hangs up and grumbles.)

Angry Customer: “I can’t believe this s***! That is the stupidest thing I ever heard!”

Manager: “Sorry, sir, I had a customer on the line. Did corporate resolve your issue?”

(The angry customer leaves, cursing under his breath.)

Me: “That… Did that just happen?”

Manager: “That was awesome! I knew he would fall for it!”

Me: “Are you allowed to do that?”

Manager: “Are you kidding? Corporate doesn’t have time to deal with grouchy guys screaming at them because of something that can’t be immediately fixed.”

(Just then, our cold air shut off and the heater kicked in.)

This happened as my fiance and I were getting ready to move into our own place. 

His mother and grandmother were going through their old plates and other household items to show them to us to see if we’d be interested in taking anything with us. (No, not really, they had very different tastes than I do). 

One of the household items they unearthed was a set of depression-era candle holders. One pair was crystal, and the other was coin glass. They put them off to the side to put away later, and eventually, my fiance and I left. 

Later, they called him to accuse me of stealing a single holder from each pair. When they went to look, they were each missing one. 

As per my fiance’s suggestion, they checked the others they had left and realized that they had swapped them when putting them away. According to my husband, they never apologized for accusing me. 

And he wonders why I don’t get along with his mother.

(I am working at a summer camp. As you can expect, the campers regularly freak out over insects and spiders.)

Me: “Calm down! It probably won’t hurt you!”

Camper: “I love how you say, ‘Probably.’”

Patron: “Can you look up how far it is to go from [City #1] to [City #2] on the computer for me?”

Me: “Sure.” *checks online* “It says here that it’s 54 miles.”

Patron: “Okay… Now, how far is it going back?”

(I am sitting at a table at a coffee shop, drinking a coffee I just ordered. I am still in my work clothes from my day-long shift. My uniform happens to be kind of similar to the coffee shop’s uniform, except for the blatant name of my workplace on my shirt. An old woman has spilled her drink.)

Old Woman: “Clean this up.”

Me: “No, I’m not doing that.”

Old Woman: “You work here; you have to clean it up!”

Me: “Ma’am, I do not work here, nor have I ever worked here.” *pointing to the label on my shirt* “This is where I work.”

Old Woman: *confused* “Oh. Well, maybe you need a different uniform.”

Me: “Maybe, but I don’t really think so.”

(She left in a huff and one of the coffee shop employees had to come clean it up. We laughed about the old woman, and I told her how the same thing had happened to my dad at the gas station right down the road a few days before with an old woman and spilled coffee after his work shift.)