(My grandparents are riding their bicycles and the path goes over a stream. My grandma’s front wheel catches on a rut and she goes over the handlebars. She ends up rolling down the embankment of the stream, and if it wasn’t for the help of an elderly couple nearby, she would have rolled into the water. As soon as they make sure my grandma is safe, the man turns to his wife and says:)
Man: “See, [Wife]? Women are still falling for me.”
(My older brother decides we are going to watch a movie one afternoon, and my mom shouts down the hall to invite my younger brother.)
Mom: “We’re getting ready to watch a Star Trek movie, if you want to join.”
Younger Brother: “Which one?”
Me: *walking past his room* “The one where The Doctor takes the One Ring to the planet Hoth because Professor Xavier told him to.”
Younger Brother: “Which one is that? Can’t you give me the title, instead?”
(I am filling up my car at a gas station when a fairly disheveled man comes up and tries to open my passenger door. When I call out, he walks around, gets up really close to me, and tells me that he needs a ride. I am leery, given that he is twitching and quite a bit bigger than I am. The gas station attendant comes out and ends up shooing him away. Immediately afterward, a man standing at the next pump over pipes up.)
Man: “Wow. You’re a real jerk, aren’t you?”
Me: “What?”
Man: “That man has nothing, and you couldn’t even give him a ride.”
Me: “I didn’t see you offering to give him a ride, either.”
(He gave me a little glare before driving off past where the man was standing on the sidewalk. I did consider driving over to give the man a ride, but a police car pulled up and the officer got out and started talking to the man, so I left it at that.)
(I work in the box office of a theater. It’s about five minutes before curtain and one of the actors comes racing up to the box office in costume: nice pants, a white shirt, and an elegant vest.)
Actor: “Hi! Uh, real quick here. My wife just left our infant son with [Intern] and is on her way here.”
(A group of patrons enters behind him making a lot of noise and I mishear what he said.)
Me: “Left him alone?!”
Actor: *chuckling* “No! No, with [Intern].”
Me: *laughing* “Oh! Sorry. I’m caught up now.”
(The group of patrons begins to move around him, all but shoving him away from the window.)
Customer #1: “We need our tickets?”
Me: “Sure, just a moment please.”
(I look at the actor but he’s sort of shuffled to the side to make room for them.)
Customer #2: *stepping rudely around the actor* “Yeah, we need to pick up tickets for this show.”
Me: *thinking it’ll be quicker to just hand over the tickets* “What name are they under?”
(Everyone in the groups starts giving me different names. It’s six tickets under four different names. The actor winces, realizing this will take more time than he has. He steps forward again.)
Actor: “Sorry, but I have to be on stage in five minutes.”
([Customer #2] steps back in surprise.)
Me: *relieved* “Right. So, she’s on her way?”
Actor: “She is, but she may still be a few minutes late.”
Me: “I’ll let the house manager know.”
Actor: “Thank you!” *dashes off*
Customer #1: *sniffs and mumbles* “I thought he was just some volunteer.”
Me: *smiling* “So, what names were those under?”
(I am working as a cashier. A customer brings up a toy in a plastic container, and when I look for the price tag to scan I notice the tag is gone, but I can clearly see where it was ripped off.)
Me: “It looks like the tag got ripped off of this item; we’ll have to do a price check.”
Customer: “Oh, this is a gift. I ripped the tag off myself. I forgot you’re not supposed to do that before checking out.”
Me: “…”
(It’s also worth noting that she said the item was $9.99. We found a similar item with a tag that I could scan, but it was $7.99. She got a discount for being dumb.)
