(I am in my second week of starting my new job, so my manager is nearby to supervise and help me. I’ve largely got the hang of it by now, though I do appreciate the occasional help. A customer walks up. I am the most free at the time since my manager is frying chips and my coworker is on break, so I walk up to her.)

Me: “Hello. What can I get for you?”

Customer: “Hi. I would like eight fried chicken legs.”

Me: “Well, it’ll be a lot cheaper to get the eight-piece set, since it’ll have to be rung up as eight chicken legs.”

Customer: “Don’t worry, since it’s the eight-piece on sale.”

Me: “Um, I cannot substitute pieces for a set.”

Manager: *who was nearby with the fryers* “What’s the problem?”

Customer: “I just want the eight-piece on sale with the eight chicken legs.”

Manager: “Ma’am, that does not apply. Look up and you’ll find the eight-piece set on sale.”

Customer: *looks up briefly* “Yeah, but it’s different than what’s on the glass counter.”

Manager: “Look up again.”

Customer: *takes a longer look at the sign above* “It is the same one.”

Manager: “See?” *goes back to frying more chips*

Me: “Okay, shall I get you the eight-piece set?”

Customer: “No. Instead, I want five fried-chicken legs.”

Me: “Um, Okay. But it’ll be cheaper to get the eight-piece set.”

Customer: “Don’t worry. I want the five chicken legs.”

Me: “Okay.”

(I go and get her the five chicken legs and, after ringing it up as five chicken legs, which is more expensive than the eight-piece set by a few dollars, I give it to her and give her my farewell. I then take a few steps back to my manager, who’s frying a new batch of chips.)

Me: “People can be pretty weird.”

Manager: “I hate people.”

(I am naturally a curious person and absorb information like a sponge. One of my interests is natural remedies. I tend to get headaches quite frequently when I am in middle and high school. In middle school, I come to the conclusion that applying cold will help alleviate the headache. And so, like any sane thirteen-year-old, I think that the coldest thing to press my forehead against is the ice machine inside the freezer. My father walks into the kitchen and sees me with my head against the ice machine.)

Father: “What are you doing?”

Me: “Trying to get rid of a headache. I read that they’re caused by dilated blood vessels. Cold is supposed to constrict the blood vessels, so it’ll help my headache.”

Father: *calling to my mother, clearly lost* “Honey, she’s talking science again!”

(I’ve recently started a casual, semi-survival server for my friends and me on a popular block-based game. On this day, I’m alone on the server collecting supplies underground, a fairly decent ways away from our base, when one of my friends logs on. All of this takes place through the in-game chat function.)

Friend: “Hey! Don’t be alarmed, but I am going to do some house construction.”

Me: “That’s fine. What are you gonna do?”

Friend: “I’m going to replace walls and stuff to be more open and modern, and expand some things to make a living room and kitchen. :-)”

Me: “Ooh, I can’t wait to see it.”

(There’s radio silence in the chat for about 20 minutes when…)

Chat: “[Friend] tried to swim in lava.”

(About five minutes later…)

Chat: “[Friend] tried to swim in lava.”

(Five minutes later…)

Chat: “[Friend] burned to death.”

Me: “What on earth are you doing?!”

Friend: “You’ll see! :-)”

(She was digging out the area under our base and creating a natural-looking lava pool that was to then be covered in glass. She’s so lucky I decided to turn “keep inventory” on.)

(I’m the last one to leave after closing. As I’m locking the front door behind me on my way out, a middle-aged couple approaches. The store is completely dark, the “closed” sign is up on the door, and there is no one left inside.)

Customer: “Oh, are you closed?”

Me: “Yes, we closed about twenty minutes ago.”

Customer: “Can we just come in and look around for a few minutes?” 

Me: “Unfortunately, that’s not possible; we’ve already shut down the registers.”

Customer: “We aren’t looking to buy anything! We just want to look around!”

Me: “We’re closed. I can’t let you in. I need to leave now. I have somewhere to be.”

(They continued to stand there, staring at the door, as I walked away. I kept an eye on them as I got into my car, and saw them try the door once or twice, then look at the hours sign next to the door, and then look at their phones before finally walking away. I made sure that they were long gone before I drove away.)

Me: “Can I have your name, please?”

Caller: “Tanya.”

Me: “Is that Tanya with a Y, or Tanja with a J?”

Caller: “Tanya with a T.”