Deaf To Your Wit

, , , , , | Friendly | June 13, 2018

(My mother is a children’s librarian at the public library. Sometimes I volunteer to help out during story time. My mother’s coworker has the day off, and she and her six-year-old daughter come in. The little girl has a hearing impairment that requires her to wear hearing aids. As I’m supervising the kids during crafts, I hear this gem:)

Little Boy: *running around before he stops and taps her on the shoulder* “Hey, what are those things on your ears?”

Coworker’s Daughter: *turns around to address him* “They’re my hearing devices. They help me listen. You could probably use some.” *turns back around and goes back to her craft*

Unfiltered Story #114094

, , | Unfiltered | June 13, 2018

(My mom, dad, girlfriend and I are sitting at the dining table eating lunch or working on costumes for ComicCon when we get into a conversation about programming; specifically programming for workplaces. For clarity I love programming, and have Asperger’s. I also have lived with my parents the entire 21 years I have been alive.)

Mom: “What I don’t understand is why they would roll out the new system with all the glitches.”

Dad & Me: “I know what part of the problem is.”

(My girlfriend stops working on her costume and fully tunes into the conversation.)

Me: “It can be really hard to keep up with technology and they might have tested it and by the time it was released to all the stores it might have been out of date and/or broke.”

Dad: “And they hire people that have Asperger’s that have no sense of reality, how the world works, and what people need.”

(My mom begins to glare at him, my girlfriend looks like she is about to stab him with the X-ACTO blade in her hand; and my mouth drops open.)

Me: “Excuse you, RUDE!”

Dad: “What it’s not like you have Asperger’s.”

Me:” Actually I do, and even if I didn’t what you said is very inappropriate.”

Mom: “Really; [Dad’s Name], that is not true.”

Dad: *in his “I know it all voice”* “Actually it is; there are several research pape—”

My Girlfriend: *cuts him off* “—research papers that are out of date, based on old information, or written by hateful people.”

(My dad walks off muttering about how we are all wrong; he has said things like that before but never that bad. funny thing is I had just been working on a personal programming project all of 5 minutes before this happened, he also wonders why that made us so upset.)

Unfiltered Story #114596

, , | Unfiltered | June 13, 2018

(I manage a family run kiosk in a mall. The name of the business is Kalya’s, but people misread it as Kayla’s everyday. Kids usually try to take pictures in front of the logo until I point it out)

*girl poses, pointing at the name while her friend snaps a picture

Me: guys it says KAL-ya, not KAY-la.

Girl #1: *snotty look* well it’s not my fault you spelled it wrong! Fix your sign!

Me: it’s not spelled wrong, you just can’t read.

Girl #2: *blushes and pulls her friend away

Unfiltered Story #114082

, , | Unfiltered | June 13, 2018

(My parents have always been adamant about using Windows computers since they could afford a home system back in ’98. I see an out of area number calling and I answer. My parents are sitting at the table nearby, eating.)

Me: “Hello?”

(I hear silence so I repeat saying “hello” until I hear a click and the chatter of a call center.)

Scammer: “Hello I am calling from [gibberish] technical support.”

Me: “I’m sorry, what technical support?”

Scammer: “Windows technical support! Your Windows computer has been given a signal that it has a virus.”

Me: “I’m sorry sir, but we use Mac OS.”

(My parents loudly start cracking up.)

Scammer: “Oh! We support Mac systems as well.”

Me: *in a cheerful, sweet, sarcastic voice* “I’m sorry, sir, but I know Windows does not offer support to Mac! You might want to check on that, bye.” *hang up*

(My parents continue to laugh; my dad is clutching his sides from laughing so hard. My mom wipes a tear from her eye.)

Mom: “Dear, you’re answering those calls from now on.”

Unfiltered Story #114058

, | Unfiltered | June 13, 2018

(I’m on the register at work and it’s an extremely busy day. I run completely out of ones and call on he radio for change, and switch my register to card only since our only other register is also going. We have a single line where the customer will go to the next register available and no signs to say I’m a card only register, meaning I have to yell for the next customer with a card whenever one leaves my registers. I notice a bunch of people in line going to my coworkers register with gift cards even though they noticed me yell for cards so I change up how I bring the next customer over right as my manager is walker in.)

Me: “Next customer paying with a card! Any card! Gift card, debit card, store card—”

Manager: “Food stamps!”

Me: “Don’t lie [Manager], people will probably believe you.”

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