Here We Pokémon Go Again, Part 9

, , | Romantic | May 23, 2017

(I’ve only been dating my boyfriend for a year, but we are very close and tentatively planning our future together. We also love playing Pokémon Go. While out on a walk, he hatches an egg. This means he gets a completely random Pokémon.)

Boyfriend: “Hey, if this is a Charmander, will you marry me?”

Me: *amused* “This is how it’s gonna be huh? All right, go ahead.”

(Egg hatches, and out pops a Charmander! I crack up laughing while my boyfriend has a stunned, but happy look in his face.)

Me: “So, when’s the wedding?”

(We are not quite there yet, but after a 1 in 100 chance, at least Nintendo approves of us!)


When You Live With Your Griefer

, , | Romantic | May 23, 2017

(My boyfriend and I are playfully bantering in the kitchen, and he is “beating me” on every point I bring up.)

Me: *jokingly exasperated* “Can’t you give me anything?”

Boyfriend: “…Grief?”

Responsibility With A Cherry On Top

, , | Hopeless | May 22, 2017

(A group of my girl friends and I go to a bar to have a Girls’ Night and see another friend’s band play. I volunteer to be designated driver since I’m not a big drinker. We head up to the bar and my friends all order their drinks and move out of the way. Then it’s my turn.)

Bartender: “And what can I get you?”

Me: “Can I get a Coke, please?”

Bartender: *pausing, surprised* “Just a Coke? Nothing in it, no rum or anything?”

Me: *laughing a little* “Well, maybe some grenadine if you have it. I’m driving tonight.”

Bartender: “OH! OK, coming right up!”

(He makes my cherry Coke [or Roy Rogers, if you want to get technical], puts a ton of maraschino cherries in it, and slides me the glass.)

Me: “Thanks!” *I open my wallet, but the bartender smiles and shakes his head*

Bartender: “Nah, I don’t charge people who drink responsibly.”

Me: *surprised* “Wow, thank you!”

(I dropped a $5 tip on the bar anyway. It pays to be responsible!)

Bra-ce Yourself For Non-Excitement

, , | Romantic | May 22, 2017

(I have just gotten home from work and haven’t changed yet. I pull my shirt up so my husband can see my bra. He really doesn’t respond so a moment later:)

Me: “Hey, did you even see what bra I have on?”

Husband: *without looking up* “Yeah, the super lacy, fancy one that make your boobs look big.”

Me: “Do you wanna know why I am wearing the super fancy one to work?”

Husband: “I guess… Is it because you didn’t have any others to wear today?”

Me: “Why is that the first thing you think of? I mean, you’re right, all my others are in the wash, but still!”

Husband: “I trust you too much to think of anything else.”

(He is no fun!)

Toilet Humor

, , | Romantic | May 22, 2017

(I’m looking on a popular online auction site for cheap self-cleaning/filtered kitty litter trays. It’s Friday and we rent our house. I’ve just found exactly what I’m looking for.)

Me: “Ew… It’s been used. Would you buy a used toilet?”

Husband: “Would you?”

Me: “No, I want your answer first.”

Husband: “Your toilet was used before you… You use public restrooms; they’ve been used before you…”

(I look at my husband and my mind just blows.)

Me: “Touché!”

Husband: “I just saw your mind explode.”

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