Hannah Montana, I Choose You

, , , , | Right | December 10, 2010

Me: “Excuse me, do you need help?”

Customer: “Yes, actually. Would you happen to know what a good game for a seven-year-old boy? I need a present for my grandson.”

Me: “Well, you could always go with a classic Mario or Pokémon game.”

Customer: “Well what are those about?”

(I give a very general description, explaining the basics of the concepts since she was obviously new to video games.)

Customer: “Oh, I don’t know. Those sound very violent to me.”

Me: “Well, they’re very popular games, especially among young boys.”

Customer: *thinks for a moment* “No, I think those games are too violent. I’ll just get him this one.”

(She picks up the latest Hannah Montana game for the DS and walks off.)

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Well, That Plan Is Out The Window

, , | Right | December 10, 2010

Me: “Thank you for calling [theater]. How can I help you?”

Caller: “I had three coupons, but they flew out the window. Is there anything you can do for me?”

Me: “No, I’m sorry, without the actual coupons there’s nothing we can do.”

Caller: “Are you kidding me!? I’ve been driving thirty or forty minutes to get there!”

Me: “I’m really sorry, but there is nothing we can do.”

Caller: “You are so rude! Is there a corporate number I can complain too.”

Me: “You can go on our website and file a complaint.”

Caller: “Well, can I complain to you?”

Me: “You already are.”

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Ah, Fathers, Part 5

, , , , , | Right | December 10, 2010

(I’m stocking the shelves. A male customer with a small child of about four comes up to me and asks if there is a post office nearby. I tell him there is one a couple of blocks away. He looks at the clock, and then takes his son’s hand and prepares to walk out of the store. The child doesn’t want to go.)

Customer: *to the child* “Come on, we need to go to the post office. It’ll close soon.”

Child: “I want to look at toys.”

Customer: “We have to go now. We can come back later.”

Child: “You go. I’ll wait here and play.”

Customer: “You can’t.”

Child: “Why?”

Customer: “Because your dad will go to jail for that.”

(The child looks perplexed.)

Customer: *trying to explain* “Think smaller Christmas present. And you’ll have to stay with Grandma a lot.”

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A Poser By Any Other Name, Part 2

, , , , , | Right | December 10, 2010

(I’m not working, but I’m shopping. I’m at the register when the man in front of me starts yelling at the cashier at the top of his lungs.)

Customer: “You can’t do this, d*** it! My coupons are good! Take them!”

Cashier: “Sir, these coupons are expired. I’m not allowed–”

Customer: “If you don’t take it, you’re gonna be expired! Take my coupons or I’ll sue! I’m a lawyer! I’ll sue you in court!”

(I tap him on the shoulder.)

Customer: “WHAT?!”

Me: *calmly* “Are you a prosecutor or defense attorney?”

Customer: “W-what?”

Me: “Are you with the state, or private firm?”

Customer: “What?”

Me: “Where did you go to law school?”

*pause*

Me: “Sir, impersonating an agent of the state is a serious offense. Furthermore, there are enough witnesses and evidence to hold you in court for harassment, threatening, disorderly conduct and disturbing the peace. I’m a prosecutor. I’m with the state. My recommendation? You leave, before I make all this official.”

(The customer runs out of the store, leaving half paid-for groceries behind. The cashier is grinning.)

Cashier: “You want some free stuff?”

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No ID, No Idea, Part 2

, , , | Right | December 9, 2010

Me: “Do you have an ID?”

(The girl hands me her ID. She’s 21. She walks in, the boy she’s with starts following her.)

Me: “Oh, do you have an ID with you?”

Him: “Um…”

Me: “An ID?”

(He hands me his room key and smiles.)

Me: “This isn’t…”

Him: “I know.” *walks sadly out*

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