Getting A Sinking Feeling About This

, , , , | Right | October 17, 2017

Customer: “Should I put gravel in my fish tank before or after the water?”

Me: “It’s a little easier to get the water level where you want to be it by putting the gravel in first. Aside from that, it doesn’t really matter.”

Customer: “Well, I already put water in. So, if I get this gravel…” *picks out a small bag* “…and try to put it in now, will it sink?”

Me: “Er, yes. Gravel’s just a bunch of small rocks.”

Customer: “Well, I don’t know anything about this; I’m new to fish tanks. You’re sure it’s not just going to float?”

Me: “It’s a bag of rocks, ma’am. Rocks sink.”

Customer: “I’m new to this! You’re sure that it won’t float?”

(She continued to ask at least five more times throughout the rest of the conversation whether or not gravel sinks in water. She still didn’t seem to believe me by the time she left.)

That Joke Was Told Solo

, , , , | Working | October 17, 2017

(I quit my job to return to school. After several months I decide to swing in and see “the guys.” When I show up, the only person there is a guy that was transferred in from another branch not long after I left. I barely know him but he recognizes me. He proceeds to tell me how my old manager is heading a district upstate, how my old assistant manager is managing his own store a state over, how an old coworker got a corporate gig, and so on. As I listen to how everyone is doing well, I see my nerd moment, I praise myself for being SO CLEVER, and I seize the opportunity for a perfect quote:)

Me: “Man, I’m out of it for a little while and everyone gets delusions of grandeur!”

Transfer Employee: *just smiles politely and nods* “Yeah. Crazy, huh?”

(My shoulders slouched, I bid him farewell, and I went away and sulked that it went over his head. Or maybe beneath him. I guess it’s all perspective.)

Don’t Put Your Neck Out For Any Customer

, , , , | Right | October 17, 2017

(I am working as a cashier at a clothing company. We have just gotten a new scarf in that is more popular than the company anticipated, and we sell out super quickly. I am wearing the scarf while working the register.)

Customer: “That is such a great scarf!”

Me: “Thank you!”

Customer: “Where did you get it?”

Me: “Oh, I got it here, but we sold out, unfortunately!”

Customer: “How much is it?”

Me: “It was [price], but unfortunately, we sold out. I can maybe see if another store has it in stock?”

Customer: “How much is that one?”

Me: “It’s [price], but again, we’ve sold out. It may be available online.”

Customer: “No, how much is the one that you are wearing?”

Me: “Again, it’s [price], but we’ve sold out.”

Customer: “No, how much is the one that is literally around your neck? How much can I give you to sell me your scarf?”

Me: “Sir, I will not sell you clothing that I am literally wearing.”

Turning You Into A Preposition

, , , , , | Learning | October 17, 2017

(It is the first day of school.)

Me: “Hey, where is the cafeteria at?”

Other Student: *snottily* “Never end a sentence with a preposition.”

Me: “Okay, then. Where’s the cafeteria at, b****?”

Unfiltered Story #97896

, | Unfiltered | October 17, 2017

(Husband and wife call in wanting payment extension on past due cable bill of $209)
Me: I’m sorry, It looks like if we don’t receive this past due payment by the end of today, the services would be interrupted.

Husband: You can’t give us until the 3rd when we get paid again?

Me: I do apologize, but this past due is already over a month late and you have another bill set to print before the 3rd, at that time the account will be two months past due.

Wife: Tell her thanks to her we can’t eat again for two weeks because we have no food in the house!

Husband: My wife wants to talk to you.

Me: Hi, how can I help you?

Wife: You can’t give us until the 3rd? We have been good customers. We don’t HAVE 209 to be spending on cable right now, we need to eat!

Me: I definitely understand, however, your account is already over a month past due so I cannot extend the payment out any further. I can possibly help you reduce the services to cut down on some of the costs?

Wife: I ain’t cutting nothin’ down! You and your company are crooks! When I end up in the hospital I’m taking your job and suing you and the company when me and my family starve! How would YOU like it if I came into YOUR house and told YOU that you and your family can’t eat for two weeks!

Me: (trying not to laugh) Ma’am, I absolutely get where you are coming from. As I previously stated, I can give you some options to lower your bi-

Wife: I don’t want your options! I want a f***ing extension!

Me: I’m sorry, we really cannot extend this out any further, now once you are able to make the payme-

Wife: I am going to make sure you lose your job and you’ll really be laughing once you get hit with a lawsuit for my medical bills! I am already contacting the better business bureau!

(Call drops)

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