The Hotel Is Connected To The Mall Like You’re Connected To Your Ears

, , , , | Right | February 19, 2019

(I work at the customer service booth for a very large mall. The phone rings and I pick it up.)

Me: “Hi. Thank you for calling [Mall]. You’ve reached customer service; how can I help you?”

Caller: “Hello. Where are you located?”

Me: “Me, personally, as in the customer service booth?”

Caller: “Yes.”

Me: “On the first floor of the mall, between [Store #1] and [Store #2].”

Caller: “No, I mean where is [Hotel #1]?”

Me: “Well, we have two hotels connected to our mall — [Hotel #2] and [Hotel #3] — but we don’t have a [Hotel #1].”

Caller: “Oh, you mean this isn’t the number for [Hotel #1]?”

Me: “No, this is [Mall] customer service.”

Caller: “Oh, well, why didn’t you say something earlier? Thanks for wasting my time!” *hangs up*

(It’s like some people just don’t have ears!)

The Sauce Of All Your Woes

, , , , | Right | February 19, 2019

(I work at a pretzel store in a mall. We have tiny pretzel stick things that we sell in a cup. Our sauces are extra. We offer a discount to mall employees. One gentleman, wearing a uniform from a mall store, orders a cup of pretzels without sauce. He pays, gets his discount, and as I am filling his cup, he asks for three sauces.)

Me: “Okay, but that’s an extra for each sauce. Is that okay?”

Customer:What?! I have never paid for sauce here!”

Me: “Okay, well, let me ask my manager if I can give it to you.”

(My manager is standing five feet away and watching this whole exchange.)

Customer: “Ugh, never mind. Just give me two and I’ll pay for them.”

(He gets his food and sauces, pays, and starts to leave. Then, he turns back and asks:)

Customer: “What’s your name?”

Me: “[My Name].”

Customer: “I’m calling your corporate and reporting this.”

(My manager pulled me aside and said, “I kind of hope he does report you. ‘Yeah, hi, I went to one of your locations and your employee wouldn’t give me free food.'”)

Only Likes Manly Numbers

, , , , | Working | February 19, 2019

(I’ve dropped my car off for some maintenance at a garage a few blocks from my work and am calling to check on it. My husband has a charge account here for our farm.)

Me: “I was just wondering if you had an idea of when it will be ready; I’m here until five so it’s no rush.”

Owner: “It’ll probably be about two hours, yet.”

Me: “Do you want my phone number so you can just give me a call?”

Owner: “Does [Husband] have your phone number?”

Me ”Yes?”

Owner: “Oh! I’ll just get it from him, then.” *hangs up*

Me: “What just happened?”

Bi-Pretzel Disorder

, , , , | Right | February 19, 2019

(I’m working the chocolate display case in a candy store when a woman approaches me.)

Customer: “How much are the chocolate pretzels?”

Me: *speaking normally* “Well, they’re sold by weight, but they’re usually around two or three dollars.”

Customer: *angrily* “Well, sorry to bother you!”

(I try to process what just happened while the woman walks over to my coworker.)

Woman: “How much are the chocolate pretzels?”

Coworker: “They’re sold by weight, usually around two or three dollars.”

Woman: “Thank you. I’ll have some!”

(To this day I still don’t understand how I offended her.)

The Retail Equivalent Of Breaking Up Via Text

, , , , , , | Working | February 19, 2019

(I am the electronics manager at a big-box retailer. One of the new hires in my department is the practical epitome of a poor worker; he frequently shows up late, is rude to other employees, and often sits around doing nothing instead of fulfilling his duties. He has had multiple write-ups and is fresh off a suspension for making a rude remark to his immediate supervisor. Lo and behold, he shows up an hour late on his first shift back from suspension, and I spot him loafing around in the in-store cafe. I decide enough is enough and he has to be let go, but I’m very busy and cannot talk to him in person. So, I decide to be a little creative…)

Me: *over the PA* “[New Hire], if you can hear me… YOU’RE FIRED!” *pause* “Please head to the store manager’s office to pick up your termination papers.”

(Soon after, the new hire storms towards the office, cursing loudly. Several customers are looking at me in disbelief.)

Electronics Supervisor: “I gotta say, that was one h*** of a way to let that guy go!”

(Thirty minutes later, I was called into the store manager’s office and written up for not following termination protocol properly. Totally worth it, given how much of a jerk that new hire was to begin with.)

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