Like A Dog With An iPhone

, , , , | Right | August 20, 2017

(I’m working as a cashier on a busy Friday when I hear my coworker take a phone call from a guest who is calling about an online order that supposedly should have shown up.)

Coworker: “…yes, ma’am, of course. Let me check real quick. No, it doesn’t look like we’ve received an iPhone 8 for anyone today.”

Me: “The iPhone 8 hasn’t even come out yet, [Coworker]. There’s no way she ordered one.”

(My coworker told her this, and then told me that the lady claimed to have ordered it that morning and that it was definitely an iPhone 8 that was supposed to have magically arrived the day she ordered it. She then called back three times and demanded to speak to a manager, who told her the same thing and hung up.)

You Bagged A Good One

, , , , | Hopeless | August 19, 2017

(A couple of years ago I visited New York for a week. The morning before I flew back to the Netherlands, I visited an outlet mall very near the Newark airport. It’s incredibly hot weather, and it’s clear that the a/c at some of the stores can’t keep up. I visit a store where I find a beautiful leather travel bag that originally sold for $720 but is now on sale for $320 — a big discount but still quite a lot of money for me. A very friendly young saleswoman approaches me to see if I need assistance. She is very helpful and sweet, despite the fact that she and her co-worker are working in sauna temperatures.)

Me: “I really like this bag, but I’m sorry to say it’s a bit too much for me for an impulse buy!”

Saleswoman: “No problem, I totally understand. Let me check in the computer if there are any discounts I could offer.”

(She checks while I browse and find some socks and two belts that I certainly want.)

Saleswoman: “If you go to the concierge desk and ask for a coupon book, you can get a 20% discount!”

Me: “How can I say no to that?!”

(I leave my items on the counter, and go to the concierge desk. When I return to the store, I pass a coffee shop and get iced lattes for me and the two salespersons. When I get back to the store:)

Saleswoman: “I ordered the bag online for you, to pick up here and now, which gives you another 10% off!”

Me: “Wow, that is so cool! Okay if I thank you for that with these lattes?”

(They both were very pleasantly surprised and thanked me. I browsed a bit more, and headed for the checkout to pay for the bag, which they already had packed for me. They thanked me again for the lattes, and I left. The next day, back home in the Netherlands, I unpacked the travel bag. When I opened it, inside I found the socks and the belts, gift-wrapped, and a note that said: “You made our day! XOXO Haley & Michelle.”)

Tanking Your Credibility

, , , | Working | August 19, 2017

(It’s been a very cold winter so far. My manager has told me not to sell any propane tanks on our shift, as we work thirds. I’m at the front end and it’s about 11:30 at night and I’m preparing for the registers to reset.)

Elderly Customer: “Hi, I was just wondering if I could get a propane tank.”

Me: *wincing* “I’m sorry, but we don’t sell propane tanks at this time at night.”

Elderly Customer: “Oh, I’ve already been to two places and they didn’t have the type of tank I need.”

Me: “I’m sorry, but my manager really doesn’t like us to do it, since it’s so cold and dark out.”

Elderly Customer: “I wouldn’t even mind doing it myself.”

Me: “I’m really sorry, but the cage is locked up.”

Elderly Customer: “Oh, right. I really do need to get one though…”

Me: “I’m sorry. Even if I attempt to ask my manager he screams to me over the radio, ‘NO!'” *nervous laughter, as I feel really bad about turning her away*

(During this I’m changing over a register and thinking to myself that maybe I should send her to my manager to see if she can talk him into it. When I turn around though, she’s gone. I continue with my duties for another 10 or 15 minutes.)

Manager: *on radio* “[My Name], you’re in trouble!”

Me: “Why, what’d I do?”

Manager: *slightly more mocking* “You know what you did!”

(I guess the customer HAD gone to him and asked him about getting propane. Both he and the supporting manager thought I had sent her to them. They complained for the next couple of hours about going out in the cold, all the while with me attempting to convince them I didn’t send her to them. I’m not sure if they ever eventually believed me.)

Don’t Ask How It Was Laid

, , , | Related | August 19, 2017

(A national fast food chain known for its burgers recently started serving breakfast, and one local branch of this chain has decided to celebrate the announcement by placing a giant, inflatable egg on top of their store. My mom and I are sitting at a red light outside of this restaurant when we see the egg.)

Mom: “That’s a big egg.”

Me: “Yep.”

(A pause.)

Mom: “I wonder how big the cow was?”

How Much Lung Cancer Do You Need Before You’re Allowed A Break?

, , , | Working | August 19, 2017

(I work overnights at a gas station. Due to a loophole in the laws of my state, the company I work for is able to shirk giving us 30-minute breaks by instead paying a yearly fine. After months of not being guaranteed a break, I decided to buy a pack of cigarettes to go on fake smoke breaks. I tucked them in my bag for later.)

Coworker #1: *barges into the kitchen* “Since when do you smoke?”

Me: “What?”

Coworker #2: *turning to me* “You smoke?!”

Coworker #1: “I saw cigarettes in her bag.”

Me: “You were SNOOPING in my bag?”

Coworker #1: “Your bag was open and I happened to glance inside. But seriously, when did you start smoking?”

Coworker #2: “Oh, my god, you better not have started smoking!”

Me: “Woah, woah. You two are hypocrites!”

(Both of them actually smoke cigarettes, one since the eighth grade.)

Coworker #2: “Just because we smoke doesn’t mean we want you to!”

Coworker #1: “Yeah, we make bad choices!”

Me: *starting to laugh* “Oh, my god. Guys, I bought them for the breaks.”

Coworker #1: “What?”

Me: “I bought them so I could go on smoke breaks. Not to actually smoke them.”

Coworker #2: “Oh, my god.”

Coworker #1: “You genius. I hate you.”

(I haven’t let them live it down, but every now and then they both ask to see the pack of cigarettes to make sure I haven’t started smoking!)

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