Maybe It Was REALLY Long Distance

, , | Right | May 5, 2021

A man walks up to me at the box office. We have a more or less normal transaction, and we get to the point where I ask if he has a rewards card.

Me: “Do you have a rewards card with us?”

Customer: “Yeah, but I don’t have it on me. Can I give you a phone number?”

Me: “Sure, whenever you’re ready.”

Customer: “Okay, it’s 6-0-7…”

Me: *Repeating back* “6-0-7…”

The customer suddenly gets a vacant look in his eyes.

Customer: “2… 3…”

Me: “2-3…”

Suddenly, he goes completely robotic and begins to unleash a slew of numbers rapidly.

Customer: “2-3-1-5-7-8-9-8-7-4-2-3-1-5-9-8-0-8-0-7-2-3-3-3-4-7-5-6-9-9…”

Me: *Confused* “Um…”

Customer: *Eyes going wide.* “2-1-5-9-6-7-4-0-0-1-2-3-4-6-3-4-2-1-2-2-2-1-8-7-6-5!”

Me: “I… uh…”

His eyes narrow like he’s furious.

Customer: “2-3-1-1-1-5-9-4-3-2-3-1-3-2-4!”

Me: “Sir… uh… are you all right?”

Customer: “4-2-3-1-3-5-2!”

I don’t know what to do at this point.

Customer: “3-1-4-4-2-4-3!”

Me: *Not knowing what to say* “That’s too many numbers, sir!”

Customer: “Oh.”

Without another word, the customer simply turns and walks away without paying. I void the transaction and stand there for a moment, completely confused, before I motion the next customer up. About fifteen minutes later, the customer returns to the line with a woman by his side. He gets up to the register, and again, we get to the point where I ask if he has a rewards card.

Customer: “Oh, yeah, can I give you a phone number?”

Me: *Concerned* “Uh… sure.”

The customer then proceeds to give me his number without incident and we finish the transaction. As they walk away, the woman he’s with turns and shoots me a nasty glance.

Woman: “Why didn’t you sell him tickets the first time?! He said you wouldn’t take his phone number! We had to come all the way through the line again!”

I just shrugged with a weak smile, thoroughly confused. The woman scoffed and walked away with the man. I still don’t know what happened that day. The best I can figure is that he had the brain fart to end all brain farts.

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Milking The Truth A Little

, , , | Right | May 5, 2021

A woman walks into our Mexican fast food place.

Customer: “I’ll have a bowl. I’m vegetarian.”

Me: “Okay, what kind of rice and beans? Would you like queso or fajitas?”

Customer: “Oh, my God, no! I told you I’m vegetarian! I don’t eat cheese!”

Me: “I’m sorry. So, you are vegan. Okay.”

I continue on to the salsas.

Customer: “I just can’t stand the idea of killing those poor baby cows for the milk!”

Me: “I’m sorry… What?”

Customer: “I don’t believe in killing the baby cow for the milk!”

Me: “Um… they don’t kill the calf for the milk. Once the baby drinks its fill, the rancher takes the cow in and extracts the rest of the milk so the cow can produce more. Cows make more milk than the baby needs.”

Customer: “Wait… so the baby cow can stay alive? They don’t kill them?”

Me: “Exactly! Same with eggs. The ones we eat don’t have chicks in them.”

Customer: “Is any of your meat from baby animals?”

I told her no, it’s all from adults, so she ordered chicken in her bowl and extra queso.

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Trying To Make A Clean Break

, , , , | Right | May 5, 2021

It’s our second week open after being closed for two months and I’m on the main register for the first hour of my shift, which means I’m the first person a customer sees when they come in the building. We’ve been sanitizing carts, counters, and things, and employees are all wearing masks. One of the very first customers to walk in the door stands right next to our sign that says, “Clean carts,” and looks at me.

Customer: “Do you sanitize your carts every night?”

Me: “Yes, every day. We just sanitized most of those.”

After she walked away, I said to myself, “No, we leave that for you to do yourself. What? Of course we’re sanitizing carts.”

This lady took a cart and, an hour later, she returned it to the clean cart corral after paying for her items. I didn’t see which line of clean carts she put it in, since I was ringing up another customer, so when I was free, I grabbed the first cart in each line to sanitize just in case. What I should have said was, “Yes, after every use,” but even then, I’m not sure she would have gotten the hint, since she missed the “clean carts” sign twice.

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Looking For Some Vitamin Duh

, , , , | Right | May 5, 2021

Customer: “Excuse me, do you sell herbals?”

Me: “I’m not sure what you mean. Are you looking for vitamins, essential oils, or something else?”

Customer: “No, I’m looking for herbals!”

Me: “Okay, well, vitamins are on aisle two, in case that’s what you are looking for.”

Customer: “I don’t want vitamins. I want herbals. You know, herbals? H-E-R-B-A-L-S?”

Yes, he actually spelled out herbals, as if that would clarify the confusion. I sent him to talk to the pharmacist. She came up to me a few minutes later. Guess what he was looking for? Yep, vitamins. Oh, humanity.

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It’s Breast Not To Thigh Again

, , , , | Right | May 4, 2021

Customer: “What kind of chicken do you use for your fried chicken wings?”

Me: “I’m unsure of the brand, but I can check.”

Customer: “No, what part of the chicken is it?”

Me: “They are chicken wings.”

Customer: “I don’t think you understand my question. Is it chicken thigh or chicken breast?”

Me: “It is made with chicken wings.”

Customer: “Okay, you aren’t hearing me. Chicken is sold in different parts. What part are you selling?”

Me: “Chicken wings. The dish is fried chicken wings. Are you perhaps asking if they are boneless? They aren’t. They are actual bone-in wings.”

Customer: “I’m asking what type of chicken it is. You are making this way more difficult than it has to be.”

Me: “Here, our menu has a picture of the dish. These are the chicken wings available today.”

Customer: “How can I tell what kind of chicken it is if it is covered in brown crunchies?”

Me: “Brown… crunchies? These are certainly chicken wings. You can see the bone here.”

Customer: “All I want to know is what kind of chicken you are serving.”

Me: “Fried chicken wings!”

This went on for a long time. She didn’t even order the meal.

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