Has Some Ill Willing

, , , , , | Right | February 8, 2018

(I am ringing up a man and his family. He is probably in his 50s and his wife is a little younger, and they have a quiet teen daughter.)

Me: “Do you have any coupons?”

(He hands me one for 20% off of juniors’, which would apply to the $150 of the daughter’s clothes. I scan the coupon and the computer kicks it back.)

Me: “I’m sorry, sir.” *now reading the coupon* “This one starts next week; it won’t take it now.”

Male Customer: “What? Well, I need this stuff now; we don’t want to come back next week. Why would I have the coupon now if I can’t use it?”

Me: “We send the coupons out a couple days early so that you can have them ready, and they have the dates printed right on the front” *I show him*

Female Customer: *very nicely* “Oh, okay. Sorry, we didn’t read that part.”

Male Customer: “WELL, I DON’T CARE! It creates ill will with the customer when you send us coupons we can’t use and don’t honor them! I’m spending $150 dollars here, and I want to use it!”

Me: “I’m sorry I can’t apply it right now. We have other—”

Male Customer: *repeating* “No! It creates ill will with the customer and makes me not want to shop here. I want to see the manager; he just DOESN’T understand!”

(I called for the manager, who came and manually gave the customer the discount, to my disapproval.)

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Give The Job Seekers Some Food For Thought

, , , , , | Working | February 8, 2018

(I am a cashier in a locally-owned, market-style grocery store. Typically, when people come in and are looking for someone, they come ask a cashier since we are easy to find. During April and May, we do a small round of hiring for summer staff. A guy comes in and tells one of the coworkers he’s here for an interview.)

Coworker: “Okay, do you know with who?”

Guy: “I don’t remember his name.”

Coworker: “Do you know what department?”

Guy: “Uh… I think food.”

Coworker: “Well, this is a grocery store.”

(My coworker took him to meet the manager that was hiring when someone told her he was the only one with interviews scheduled.)

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He’s Pushing Down Daisies

, , , , , , | Related | February 8, 2018

(Thirteen family members live at my house, and it is common to have visitors many of us don’t know. There is an outside gate, and visitors have to use the intercom to be let in the yard. Whoever opens the door may not be the person who answered the intercom. I open the door to see a girl in her late teens.)

Girl: “Hi!”

Me: “Hi, nice to meet you. Come on in.”

Girl: “Okay. Do I sit down?”

Me: “Sure. Have a seat.”

(This is a common scenario for the person opening the door if someone else answered the intercom. Ten minutes later…)

Cousin: “Hey, there’s a girl on the couch downstairs!”

Aunt: “What do you mean?”

Me: “Wait. The girl I opened the door for?”

(It is.)

Me: “Hi. Are you still waiting?”

Girl: “Yes. Where is [Brother]?”

Me: “Let me get him.”

(I knock on my brother’s door and find it locked.)

Me: “Hey. Some girl is waiting for you.”

Brother: *no reply*

Me: “Hello!”

(This is before cell-phones, and he doesn’t have a room phone, so I intercom the living room phone, which is on a separate system.)

Me: “Hey. [Brother]’s door is locked and he’s not answering. Who’s the visitor?”

Aunt: “[Brother]’s girlfriend. He himself let her in the gate.”

Me: *bangs on door* “Hey! What’s going on? That’s your girlfriend downstairs!”

Grandpa: “Huh?”

Me: “Do you have the key? Something isn’t right.”

Grandpa: “Yeah, hang on.”

(My aunt, cousin, and the girlfriend all come up.)

Girl: *bangs on door* “Hey, you s***! I’m here!”

(My grandpa gets the key and opens the door to find… an empty room. Also, an opened window.)

Grandpa: “Where is that boy?!”

(We start organizing a search of all the rooms, all the while apologising to his girlfriend, who is very confused and starting to get pissed. Then, my grandpa looks out the window. We’re on the second floor.)

Grandpa: “[Brother]! He’s lying on the flower bed!”

Us: “What?!”

Girl: “What in the world?”

Grandpa: “He must have gone out the window and fell! Call an ambulance.”

(We scrambled to him and noticed he hadn’t cracked his head or anything; he just had some scratches. He woke up after we slapped him a few times. What really happened? His girlfriend’s parents are locksmiths, and she wants to be one, too. My brother wanted to impress her by locking his door, and then picking it when she came up. Their date, however, was at the hospital getting his head checked. It was fine, thankfully.)

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A (Gentle) Giant Difference Between Them

, , , , , , | Healthy | February 8, 2018

(My younger sister and brother are due to get their polio vaccinations. Despite being two years younger than her, my brother is several inches taller and 40 pounds heavier than our sister. But, as she’s older, she gets to go first.)

Mom: “She has a fear of shots, just to warn you.”

Nurse: “Oh, that’s no problem. I know nobody likes shots.” *turns to my sister* “Now, I’m just going to clean the skin on your leg for the shot.”

Sister: “It’s cold!”

Nurse: “Yes, it is. But it will warm up again in a minute. Now, you’re just going to feel a pinch…”

(My sister sees the needle and flips out, screaming, crying, and flailing. She even manages to kick the nurse in the face before my mom is able to hold her down.)

Nurse: *finally gets the shot in* “I’m sorry, sweetie. I know that hurt. I promise, if you relax, shots don’t hurt so much. Would you like a sucker?”

(My sister won’t stop crying; she’s in full panic mode.)

Me: “Mom, if you want, I can take [Brother] to another room and help him get his shot.”

Mom: *still trying to control my sister* “Please, do.”

(I gather up my hefty little brother and follow the nurse to the exam room next door.)

Nurse: “Go ahead and put him on the table, please.”

Me: “Sure thing. Here you go, buddy! You doing okay?”

Brother: “Yeah.” *with the implication of “why shouldn’t I be?”*

(The nurse looks him over, and then leaves without a word. A few minutes later, she comes back in with not one, but three orderlies, all strong-looking men, to hold my brother down. One orderly stands behind him and holds his arms around my brother’s arms and torso, while the other two each secure a leg.)

Me: “He’s not going to go crazy like [Sister] did. He’s our gentle giant, I swear.”

(The nurse ignores me, cleans his leg, and then counts to three for his shot.)

Brother: *frowns* “Ow.”

Nurse: *stunned* “Ow?”

Brother: “That hurt. Can I have a sucker, now?”

(He didn’t so much as twitch, and he accepted his treat with a smile. [Sister] was still crying a river, and didn’t stop until we were halfway home.)

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Common Sense Isn’t One Of Her Staples

, , , , | Working | February 8, 2018

(My boss and I don’t get along very well since she refuses to use common sense, so situations like this one happen frequently.)

Boss: *loud and very upset* “What am I supposed to do if I need to use the stapler and it’s out of staples?”

Me: “Um… Refill the staples.”

Boss: “Wait… I can do that?”

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